2013: PTA's year in movies!

Topher:

Hey all! Time for the 2013 PTA movie round up! I thought it was a pretty good year for movies.  Anyway, it was better than last year. Here are my top 10 movies of the year!

1. Gravity. This was one of the most stunning and perfectly crafted movies ever made. I don't know that I've ever had this immersive of an experience in a movie theatre. I felt like I was in space. I wanted to throw up. It was amazing. I genuinely think this movie is a masterpiece.

rounding out my top ten...

2. Before Midnight: the best written and acted movie in years.
3. American Hustle: style and substance.
4. Nebraska: Bleak, funny, touching.
5. Blue Jasmine: Cate Blanchett is astonishing.
6. Saving Mr. Banks: Made me cry.
7. The Heat: Super funny on a day that I needed it.
8. The Bling Ring: Really overlooked - but an amazing commentary on our times.
9. The Saratov Approach: A solidly crafted film by some great and talented friends.
10. Blancanieves: Rent this right now! The Spanish Snow White.

Ken:

I love when going to the movies feels like an EVENT! I know you know what I mean. When you've

walked out of the movie theater and your perception of movies is heightened, you notice your senses have been to a party, etc. I remember feeling that when I was 6 years old and went with my family to see Star Wars. I remember that in the original Superman. In Raiders of the Lost Ark. In Jurassic Park. And this year, in Gravity. I saw it in 3D, and then in 2D. And I am not a big proponent of 3D…but man….in 3D, it was an EVENT. 

Like the rest of the world, I also was captivated by Captain Phillips - especially Tom Hanks' performance in the last few minutes of the film. Admittedly, there are a number of films I have not seen yet. But I will be controversial and state for the record that while I loved the sister-theme and songs in Frozen, I am still more partial to Tangled. Throw things at me if you must. 

Josh:

I'm sure that for my best movie of the year I should be picking something deep and thinky like Inside Llewlyn: Osage County or something directed by someone famous that is really long and dramatic and has lots of swearing and is probably set in the 70s or 80s with crazy costumes. But I am just too, too tired to see movies like that. I want my movies to be short, entertaining, and preferably TV shows. So for my money, the best movie of the year was The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. I think the movie did a good job of not just dissolving to an action fest, but exploring, on a Hunger Games appropriate level the idea of revolution and change. And I thought it was fun to see how many ways the movie tried to pretend that Josh Hutcherson isn't 4'9" and could LITERALLY ride on my shoulders all day without tiring me out. 

Just so you don't think I am a total pop-corn movie junkie, I also loved The Spectacular Now which I don't think anyone else on earth saw. It's about a boy and girl, approaching the end of high school and the boys refusal to grow up and face adulthood. It's charming and entertaining and has some great, believable performances. And it has Kyle Chandler as a dead beat, which is always fun to see. 

Also on the list: Frozen, The Conjuring and Gravity. Thus concludes the list of every movie I saw this year. 

Patrick:

Admittedly, I'm the dad of two kids under four.  So it's gotta go to Frozen.  But my reasoning is shallow and selfish: One, there is some mean singing in this show...B'way Style...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk 

I love Belle from B&tB, but Idina would eat her for breakfast. 

Also, I love Kristen Bell, but only really because of Ronnie Mars...but I thought she was real good and had to sing next to Idina Menzel and so she did.

I did see 12 Years a Slave...it was heart breaking and too much for me to take ever again...but you should see it.  It's real and painful, a true story and one we should remember.  The movie is hard to watch for all the reasons you think it will be, but the amount of time spent beautifully dragging out things that were dragged out in real life is so powerful and effective.

One more thing:  The best thing on Netfix right now is: Black Fish.  

I don't know what happened but this Documentary about the Killer Whale that killed that trainer at SeaWorld...and ultimately it's about SeaWorld its self rocked me to my core. It made me question how I treat my dog.  It's only an hour and 20 mins and everyone should watch it...though it would put SeaWorld out of business..but it would create a booming whale watching business where we all take our kids to see these incredible (smarter then human...they have an extra part in their brain) animals in their natural habitat.    

Brett:

If I go off of pure event film experiences, I'm with Ken. It's got to be Gravity. I saw it in IMAX 3D and it completely engrossed me.

But overall, I think I still have to go with A Place Beyond the Pines for the top honor. It's different than anything I've seen because of the way the stories are told. The soundtrack was hauntingly juxtaposing. Great performances from Gosling and Cooper. The story really hit me where my longing for past youth and freedom intersects with the honor and pride of fatherhood.

Another one of my favorites was World War Z. My favorite action movie of the year so far. And that's what it is. Don't be fooled. It's a political action thriller. Not a zombie movie. It launches you right in with one of the most gripping first 20 minutes ever and then takes you on an exploratory journey of moral, political, domestic, and ethical considerations. If you've read the book, it's not the book. But it still does the flavor of the book justice.

Honorable mentions: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Saving Mr. Banks, American Hustle, The World's End, The Conjuring, The Heat, Anchorman 2, The Saratov Approach, Byzantium, and Frances Ha.

Rating 2013's movies (I've seen) so far

Author's note: There may or may not be spoilers in some of these.

Warm Bodies
One of the most creative zombie movies ever. Funny, clever, touching, with a hint of Romeo and Juliet. It gets 3 legs and an arm.

The Place Beyond the Pines
The best movie of the year so far. It's different than anything I've seen. The soundtrack was hauntingly juxtaposing. Great performances. The story really hit me where my longing for past youth and freedom intersects with the honor and pride of fatherhood. I want to see it four more times. 4 Goslings and a Cooper.




Parker
Crisp and by-the-book but not great. How many times has Jason Statham played this guy? I never give any thought to Statham yet he is starring in four franchises as of 2013: Transporter, Crank, Expendables, and now Fast and Furious. He's the king of third-tier action movies and, it turns out, I have a weakness for those. I give Parker 2 bullets.

Oz the Great and Powerful
So much went right and so much went wrong. I really liked Michelle Williams and the way Rami matched a lot of the feel and formula of the original. I didn't mind the scorned lover angle. My biggest problem with this movie was the glossiness of it and James Franco, who I love in the right role, i.e., Pineapple Express. It gets 2 balloons and a horse of a different color.

The Host
Ugh. The worst voice-over mind thoughts acting in the history of ever. The look of the movie was really great though, I thought. The story ... meh. I can usually find something in a movie to like. It was really hard here but not the worst movie I've seen. 1.5 glowing irises.

Jack the Giant Slayer
There was a point I fell asleep. It was a lunch matinee. I was tired. Still, I think more people should have seen this. It was a pretty good time except where I fell asleep. 2 and a quarter NoDoz.

G.I. Joe Retaliation
There's nothing G.I. Joe here. Nothing. Except the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow parts. Still, as an action movie, it had its moments. But, what a waste of a franchise this turned out to be. 2 "Yo"s and no "Joes".

Oblivion
This movie. What a boring first half. What an exciting second half and finale! Oh, but then Cruise delivers a gratuitous "Eff" at a climatic moment and my eyes rolled out of my head and into my Coke. 2 clones and a Morgan Freeman.

Evil Dead
Not too scary. Very horrifying. Comically bloody. 3 jugulars and a toe.

Fast and Furious 6
In a world where I pretend there's only been three of these movies (1, 5, and 6), 6 wasn't as good as the other two because what they got right in 5 didn't translate to 6 in the story and acting department. Everyone takes themselves soooooooo seriously in 6. But amazing action sequences saved it. And the runway at the end is 26 miles long. 2 and 3/4 tanks of nitrous.

Iron Man 3
My least favorite of the three. I guess it probably ties with 2. I don't know. There were so many good things and while watching I was having a blast. But afterward I sort of feel like it fizzled out. Partly because my expectations were so high and partly because I didn't really want to see it again, which is normally my mark of a great film. Still, 3 mandarin oranges.

Star Trek Into Darkness
Same problems here as with Iron Man 3. I wanted it to blow me away and make me want to see it three times. It didn't. It's still better than a lot of sci-fi films but ... not even close to the best action movie of the summer. 3 "Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhnns!"

The Great Gatsby
What a gorgeous movie. I'm glad I saw it in 3D (it was shot that way). Maybe too slick at times but better than I thought it would be. Catherine Martin, Leo, and F. Scott Fitzgerald are the reasons this movie succeeds at all. 2 sweet cars and 3/4 of a flapper girl.

Epic
No one saw this. It's a shame because it's at least equal to the other animated films of the first half of the year. The "message" is a little heavy-handed but it was fun, cute, and really nice to look at. Oh, Beyonce's voice was not the right choice for the woodland queen lady, I'm sorry. 2 and 1/2 three-legged pugs.

The Purge
My wife had the idea for a similar premis like two years ago. Her movie would have been better. The idea of this film seems great, you get 12 hours of legalized crime, including murder. What are the moral implications? Political? Who would participate? But it simply turns into a home invasion movie. Yawn. Although, there's some good moments, it wasn't good overall. 2 shotguns.

Man of Steel
Eric Snider can explain exactly how I feel about this film here. Or another author can here. Good film overall. Could have been great. I will say that I loved the Krypton parts and the stuff with Costner. 3 speeding bullets and 1/2 a locomotive.

World War Z
My favorite action movie of the year so far. And that's what it is. Don't be fooled. It's a political action thriller. Not a zombie movie. It launches you right in with one of the most gripping first 20 minutes I've seen in a long time and then takes you on an exploratory journey of moral, political, domestic, and ethical considerations. If you've read the book, it's not the book. But it still does the flavor of the book justice. I thought it was great and I want to see it again soon. 4/5 stars. B+.

This is the End
Hilarious. Crude. Over the top. Too long. Michael Cera as you've never seen (or have wanted to see) him before. 3 Twinkies.

Monsters University
Better than Cars and Cars 2. But that's about it. Pixar can't make a bad movie (well, I never even saw Cars 2) so this was a lot of fun. I laughed a lot and so did my kids. 2 Monsters and a 1/2 an Inc.

The Heat
I can't decide if this or This is the End is better. They both were hilarious. I guess I give the edge to this because it was smarter and a little less mean. The chemistry between Bullock and McCarthy is fun to watch. 3 sandwiches.

The Lone Ranger
Sit through a slow, dark, somehow silly two hours and you are rewarded with a really fun, exciting, true-ish to the original, 26 minutes. 2 silver bullets and a half ass.

What do you think? How's this year's movies been treating you? What else should I have seen?

On Set for "Inspired Guns"

Good morning!

Today I'm writing from my iPad mini, in an old warehouse, at a train yard, while I wait for it to be my turn in the wardrobe Winnebago. It's my second day of four on a movie shoot for "Inspired Guns." I play an eager FBI agent who has pushed a pencil his entire career and is finally getting a taste of the field. I bet it sounds like I'm the star. I'm not. And that's fine. 

It's a comedy. The movie is about missionaries, mafia, hit men, dreams, gangs, snipers, investigators, and baptism. Well, it HAS those things; it's about more than that. It's about patience, judgement, love, brothers, companionship, and has a few surprises. The more I'm around the movie, the more I'm proud to be in it.

Here's also why it's been fun:

- It stars Jake Suazo, Christian Busaith, Rick Macy, Scott Berringer, and many more fantastic actors you may know. Look it up on IMDB. My FBI partner (Scott) worked with Brad Pitt on "The Mexican"!

- I'm using vacation days so I'm getting double paid!

- The crew is very professional and fast.

- Everyone is nice.

- I get a gun and a badge.

- There is a full breakfast every morning. I had a breakfast burrito today.

- The writer/director Adam White is one of the nicest, coolest guys ever.

- It's not Italy but I get to be on locations like this ...

Anyway, I've got to get in the make up chair. It takes a team of people to make this 41 year-old look 31. 

If you feel so ... inclined ... go to Facebook and Like "Inspired Guns" for more info and pics and stuff. Let me know if you have questions in the comments. Quiet on the set!

BREAKING NEWS: I Get to Be in a Movie

Guys. I can't write much this week because I'm totally going to be famous. (Jk.)

But, this is exclusive, ya'll. I did just get offered the role of Agent Knight in Inspired Guns (click here and Like the page, please). It has an estimated release date of ... sometime in 2014. Of course, if the producers don't want me to leak this, my post will mysteriously vanish until it's approved. Scandal!

I don't know much about the movie itself. I have the script but, to be honest, I've only read my lines so far. There are about 30-35 of them, er, 135 or 1,035 or something. It's the most lines I've had in a movie part in my 7 year film acting career. Pretty cool. I feel like a Christopher Clark! My character is an eager, aloof, clueless, goof. Or, as my sister said, "Typecasting!" The plot involves missionaries, Mormons, mafia, hitmen, and feds. Crazy hijinks will def ensue.

Anyway, I'm very excited. For real. It shoots throughout May (for now). I'll have to take vacation time to do it because I have a 9-5 job to hold down that doesn't give away days off like candy. I may actually have to work remotely a tad. All for the art. All for the process.

I auditioned 3 times for it and it was a good experience. Let me share with you why I think I got the part:

1. I showed up on time for my appointments.
2. I was memorized, never needing to look at the sides while reading.
3. I made choices with the role and tried something different.
4. I took direction when given direction. ("Too slow. Speed it up this time.")
5. I was close to what they already had in mind.
6. I took inspiration from Andy Dwyer aka Bert Macklin:



Anyway, wish me luck. I'll post updates as I am allowed if you think it will be fun and/or interesting.

If You Like Movies, You'll Love Moving Furniture

Get ready for the game sensation that is sweeping the nation!*

(*Please note, this game has yet to sweep this or any nation. But when it does, I would like full copyright benefits. Also, I would like it to be called Ken’s Movie Game. Catchy, right? Well, I got my degree in advertising – so yep, I know some things.)

Back in 1996, my friend Steve and I were coerced by our wives into attending some sort of “party.” (Some multi-level-marketing shtick, featuring beauty products.) I don’t remember the entire theme, but I do remember at one point both of us soaking our fingers in adjoining bowls, in preparation for manicures. I can’t say it was my proudest moment, but Steve and I had been friends since before puberty, so it wasn’t the first time we’d found ourselves in a situation that would never be discussed afterwards. (Like the time we decidedly kicked a fellow Scouter out of our tentat Scout Camp, so a younger Scouter with a much more attractive sister could stay in our tent and tell us what she might be looking for in a rugged, almost-Eagle Scout. That was probably the least talked about incident, pre-manicure.)

Anyway, we started talking about movie previews. And then we started talking about how often you see a tag line on a poster or preview that says:

If you liked _____, you’ll love ______.

You’ve seen them.

“If you liked Rocky, you’ll love Hoosiers…”

“If you liked Pretty Woman, you’ll love Green Card…”

“If you liked The Godfather, you’ll love Goodfellas…”

And so forth.

So out of an awkward moment of pampering, and all in the name of comedy, a game was created where we would try to come up with movie tag lines that connected two movies in name only (or a nebulous association), but not really in any other similarities. In other words, the movies had to have a similar word in the title, but would actually be almost polar opposite in subject.

Steve had the first one:

If you liked Dirty Dancing, you’ll love Dances with Wolves. 

It took off from there.

If you liked Sleepless in Seattle, you'll love Sleeping with the Enemy.

If you liked Fight Club, you'll love The Joy Luck Club.

If you liked Lilo & Stitch, you’ll love Thelma & Louise!

If you liked Polar Express, you’ll love Pineapple Express!

 

Now, player beware. Sometimes you will think of titles that actually are similar in name as well as subject, and I won’t be there to referee in person, but you should know that that just doesn't work. Example: If you liked Superman Returns, you’ll love Batman Returns. (If you actually liked one of these movies, you would probably like the other. So it’s true, not funny. Thus, no points. More appropriately would be: If you liked Superman Returns, you’ll love Max Dugan Returns. I think we've all learned a very valuable lesson here. Way to dodge that bullet!)

Now, once you are comfortable at this level, you are ready to introduce a new rule. That of the connection being more imprecise. Instead of just sharing a word in the title, it might be a shared syllable only. Or a shared theme.

If you liked Dumbo, you’ll love Rambo.

 

If you liked Philadelphia, you'll love Fargo.

If you liked The Postman, you'll love The Cable Guy.

If you liked The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, you'll love The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

If you liked You've Got Mail, you'll love You Got Served.

One final note, when you are playing this verbally, you have to say it with as much conviction and excitement as a movie announcer would. Like you are just SO SURE that If you liked Mystic River, you’ll love Mystic Pizza!

 

So please enjoy this new game! If you are playing with a fellow movie aficionado, the two of you will have a great time. I've played this with many, many, many of my friends; none of whom are as famous or easy to name drop as Chris Clark. And Chris is spectacular at it. 

If you liked The Godfather, you’ll love Father of the Bride!

If you liked Slumdog Millionaire, you’ll love Brewster’s Millions!

If you liked Return to Witch Mountain, you’ll love Brokeback Mountain!

If you liked Saving Private Ryan, you’ll love Save the Last Dance!

If you liked Sense and Sensibility, you’ll love Dumb and Dumber!

If you liked Schindler’s List, you’ll love The Bucket List!

 

Play along, won’t you?  

My Complex Relationship with Celebrities

With the Grammy’s last week and the Academy Awards coming up in two weeks, it would appear this is the season for award shows and Hollywood mucky mucks to congratulate each other on being awesome and attractive and so rich that they actually sneeze money.

By and large, I try not to learn too much about the personal lives of our nation’s most abundant commodity – our celebrities. Why, you yourself have most likely observed as well that the more you learn about somebody famous, the more you are disappointed to hear about their political agendas, or their social calendar, or their propensity for flicking children and small animals in the ear and other personal choices. Or they’re Mel Gibson, the action star of your youth who now seems to have more vices than offspring and he just kind of makes you sad.

So rather than invade their privacy, I prefer to just let their body of work speak for who they are. This is why I believe I would enjoy a road trip with Tina Fey or Bono (both of whom I conclude to be extraordinarily creative in their respective trades), and why I won’t go to dinner with John Malkovich or Christopher Walken (both of whom I conclude would kill me before dessert arrived). (Walken with a gun, Malkovich with a fork to my forehead.) 

My friend Kacy and I were recently discussing the complexity of our relationships with celebs. You want to just admire them for their talent, but you can’t help but wonder, “Would we be best friends if we knew each other?” And you kind of want to say “Of course!” But the more you learn, the more your eyes get big and your eyebrows raise, until finally, your eyes are huge and your eyebrows are so high you look like Groucho Marx. (Who I don’t know well enough to decide if we would have been friends.)

So, which celebrities do you think you’d be best friends with? And what makes you think so? 

Stincoln Lincoln

So the Oscar noms are out. Shrug. I used to get so excited for them. And I'm still excited when great lesser known or attended films get recognized. Mostly when I looked at the nominations this time, I saw only one thing:
LINCOLN.

Faarrrrrrrrrttt.

Sorry. I'll explain. I didn't hate LINCOLN. I thought it was beautifully shot, mostly well-acted, and had an inspirational first scene and last 15 minutes. It was still good enough to fall right in the middle of the pack of movies I saw this year. But it was boring.

Here's the scene breakdown in my mind when I recall my viewing experience of LINCOLN (spoilers):

EXT. CIVIL WAR BATTLEFIELD - NIGHT
Soldiers take turns telling Lincoln how awesome he is. Boy are white and black soldiers different! Every Union soldier memorized the Gettysburg address.

INT. LINCOLN'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Discussion about the Civil War that includes 3-7 old white men.
INT. LINCOLN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lincoln argues with a harpy that resembles Sally Field.
INT. LINCOLN'S OFFICE - DAY
Discussion about the 13th Amendment that includes 3-7 old white men.
INT. LINCOLN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lincoln argues with a banshee that resembles Sally Field.
EXT. CIVIL WAR BATTLEFIELD - DAY
Lincoln rides a horse slowly through carnage (pictured).
INT. CONGRESS - DAY
Argument about the 13th Amendment between a whole gaggle of old white guys.
INT. LINCOLN'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Discussion about the questionable tactics to get votes that includes 3-7 old white men.
INT. LINCOLN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lincoln argues with a hound that resembles Sally Field.
INT. LINCOLN'S KITCHEN - DAY
Discussion about the state and federal law that includes 3-7 old white men and a melted wax figure that resembles Tommy Lee Jones.
INT. LINCOLN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lincoln argues with a troll that resembles Sally Field.
INT. CONGRESS - DAY
Argument about the 13th Amendment between a whole coven of old white guys.
INT. LINCOLN'S STUDY - DAY
Lincoln has some sons and one of them resents his neglect even though he's passing a really important amendment.
INT. CONGRESS - DAY
It passed! The 13th Amendment passed!
INT. THEATER - NIGHT
Nope! Not that theater! We hear of Lincolns assassination second hand. We feel really bad for his son but then a little relieved he was seeing something else.
INT. LINCOLN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Lincoln is dead.
THE END.

...

Anyway, what did you think of this year's Oscar darling?

2012 in review: movies

Josh hasn't told you this yet, but each one of us is taking a day to recap the past year in various forms of entertainment. So we here at PTA are going to talk books, music, apps, and, in my case, movies. We hope you enjoy it. We hope that you agree and post millions of comments! But sadly you won't. Because we get a ton of hits and no comments, and it hurts our self esteem. (Could this be our New Year's Resolution? Maybe we should spend a little less time with our families this year and a little more time writing awesome comments to PTA? Why not? Auld Lang Syne.)

Well. What a year in movies it wasn't! Nothing blew me away, and usually something blows me away. Bear in mind I haven't seen Les Mis, Django Unchained, or Zero Dark Thirty and I bet they will all blow me away and I will regret being so dismissive in this post. But up until now? Kinda dumb year, Hollywood.

But if I were to narrow it down to my favorites, I would offer the following poem:

Anna Karenina was beautiful
The Hobbit was dutiful
Lincoln was historical
The Master: metaphorical
Moonrise Kingdom: cute and sweet
Argo: an exciting feat
21 Jump Street was dirty and funny
Life of Pi's visuals were pretty dang stunning

But if it came to guilty pleasures, was there anything greater than The Avengers and Skyfall?? I saw them both twice. Twice, you say? How decadent!

I could also make a special poem about the movies I didn't like, but that seems hateful and I'm full of love. But I'm giving you the stink eye, Hunger Games, Battleship, and Cloud Atlas!

How did my fellow PTA members feel? Let's ask!

This is from JOSH:

BEST: Perks of Being a Wallflower - This may seem like an odd choice for best movie of the year. It was pretty small, I don’t think it made a lot of money and I doubt it is being considered for any awards, but I loved it. It seemed to get that feeling of being an outsider in high school (and weren’t we all) and what it feels like to finally find your people. Logan Lerman is pretty fantastic as Charlie, the main character, and plays nicely off Ezra Miller, who plays Patrick, his gay best friend.

Guilty Pleasure: Pitch Perfect - any movie with a character named Fat Amy is bound to be on the guilty pleasure list. This movie is silly and unbelievable, but funny and heart warming and has some killer music (even if you are not a fan of a capella groups.)

How about this from KEN:

Best: I haven’t seen it yet, but my guess is Les Miserables. This story of redemption has resonated with me from the first time somebody told it to me, when I was a teenager. It’s probably cliché at this point, but I’ve always found the music powerful and get emotional at the end when they sing the final “Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Out beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see?” To love another person is to see the face of God, indeed. I think it looks brilliantly cast. What’s that, you say? I have to pick something I’ve seen? Then I’ll go with Lincoln.

Guilty Pleasure: The Bourne Legacy. I say this is guilty because before I saw it, I consciously objected to the Bourne movies going forward without Matt Damon. But I told myself this would just be a spy movie and I could distance myself emotionally from it being a “Bourne Movie,” and it worked and ended up enjoying it quite a bit.

Here's a few thoughts from PATRICK:

Best: Brave

So admittedly I have not seen a lot of movies this year...I have a new born and a two year old.  So I saw Brave...the thing I loved was a surprise of it being a Mother Daughter movie. You think your are going to get arrows and bears, but really it's a story about one Daughter and one Mother who love each other and can't see why the other one can't see it their way...with arrows and bears.

Guilty Pleasure: Dark Shadows

I know, but what was I gonna do?!  Tim Burton?  Johnny Depp?  Michelle Pfeiff?!  I had to see it.  And I feel guilty for how much I liked it. I'm sure it was mostly because it was like watching old friends do something they thought was real funny and so I thought it was funny...but that they thought it was, not that it really was.  I love those guys, I can't wait to hang out with them again in...Lone Ranger?? (Not Burton) 

Movies I can't wait to see...when my kids have moved out:  Les Miserables, The Hobbit,  Moonrise Kingdom.

And finally, BRETT weighs in:

Best - Argo. I didn't see a more well-crafted, acted, directed movie this year than Argo. You know what's going to happen yet you're gripping the armrest seeing how they'll get there. I hope it wins tons of awards. Runners up: Avengers, because there wasn't a more fun movie all year and Looper, because of the mind blowing.

Guilty pleasure: Cabin in the Woods. This is a guilty pleasure in the sense that I feel guilty I love well-made horror movies so much. It balances the funny with the scary so well. And, it's Joss Whedon. It's so good that it may ruin you for other horror movies forever. Runner up: Ted, because I laughed a lot and I shouldn't have.

What about you, reader? What were your favorite movies this year? Let us know in the comments! (Oh, who am I kidding)

A Very Traditional Christmas

"Something old, something red, something borrowed, something dead," as Krampus, St. Nicholas' holiday devil, famously said. What that phrase I just made up now means is that holidays are steeped in tradition. For most of us, Christmastime is when we dust off winter traditions we loved as kids and continue to build them within our families and/or we try to create new ones that we hope will catch on.

---

When I was growing up, my mom and dad tried very hard to make Christmas different from other times of the year. Much of the time we were either lower-middle class or poor but that never seemed to matter. It was magical.

The decorations would go up (some handmade the year or five before), the egg nog and wassail would flow freely, and the kitchen smelled at various times of ham, turkey, spices, rolls, cocoa, sugar cookies, homemade mints, caramels, and pecan logs.

We always had music playing and I remember especially loving Andy Williams, MoTab, Johnny Mathis, Nat King Cole, and John Denver and the Muppets. Each year we'd mark the calendar, much like my contemporary Ken Craig, so as not to miss any stop-motion or traditionally animated holiday special. My favorite? "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."

We often went caroling, sledding, and visiting Grandma's house during the holidays and one of my favorite Christmases was when we took boxes of food, blankets, and other supplies and gave them to homeless people.

On Christmas Eve, we were allowed to open one present, not including the less exciting traditional new pajamas gift. In our home, we had 4-7 kids at various times – there was always a baby to play Jesus –  so this night was when my dad would read Luke 2 and Mark something while we dressed in robes and towels to portray the remaining roles of Mary, Joseph, Wise Men, and Shepherds. Christmas Eve at our house always felt calm yet tinged with excitement. We would eat, watch movies or specials, play board games, put ginger bread houses together, and continue working on some 5,000,000 piece puzzle. There was always a puzzle being built. My little brother Jared was the king of puzzles, even at the earliest age. I was good at finding the edges.

Christmas morning, when we were finally allowed to stop pretending we were asleep, my mom would turn on the twinkling lights, put on Bing Crosby, and we'd all line up at the top of the stairs or in the hall according to age, youngest first. My parents were masters of the Ty Pennington reveal, creating suspense, joy, anxiety, and glee with one or two well-timed grins. As we'd enter the main room of the home, screams of delight would fill the home as we'd find the part of the sofa or recliner where our stockings were pinned, marking also where Santa had left each child's gifts. We never tore into our gifts at this point. We always went around in a circle, one gift at a time, so that we could share in the awe of each sibling's haul. Doing this made the morning last and, by the time we were done, the tough choice of which toy to free from its plastic prison faced each of us. We were never poor on Christmas.

---

Today, I have a wife and two kids. Our time together during the holidays is mostly filled with trying to figure out how we can do as little as possible and get more couch togetherness time. It's what we like to do. We're pretty good at it year round but we do have our traditions too.

We still cook at Christmas (Amelia is fantastic at it) but we don't really do the homemade candy part. We "try" to eat healthy-ish treats (and by that I mean packages of peanut M&Ms). We love egg nog and cocoa time. We often have a "pickin' ham" which, once we've used it for the main dish, we cover in the fridge and pick at it to make sandwiches or ... just eat a drive-by handful.

Amelia and the kids usually decorate the tree after school one day while I'm at work and I think they like it. This year we got our first fresh tree as a family, tied it on the roof, and brought it home without incident. Our home smelled like what I imagine Narnia would smell like – crisp, clean, fresh, piney, and British – for at least a week.

Music is still a big part of Christmas for us, and thankfully, my kids love the John Denver/Muppets album as much as Amelia and I did/do. It might come from our iPhone speaker set via Spotify but it still infuses our home with holiday cheer. "It's a Wonderful Life," "Miracle on 42nd Street," and animated shows we remember to DVR are regularly viewed. We also love to go to the theater to see as many movies as we can during the break, something we could never do as a family when I was young.

We serve others given the opportunity and get wonderful drop in visits from our dear friends and near strangers. We'll take cookies around from time to time as well. We'll build snowmen, have snowball fights, and go sledding from time to time but not every year. I'm ok with it.

On Christmas Eve, the kids open new pajamas and my dad usually drops by with their gifts, watches them open them, and has some cheese and crackers. That night or sometime the next afternoon we get visits from other family in the area. Our home is sort of the gathering place at Christmas.

I always read Luke 2 and Mark something while but we haven't done the role-playing part. The kids simply listen as they cuddle their mother. Christmas Eve at our house is calm yet filled with anticipation. We eat, watch movies or specials, play board games, and work on some 5,000,000,000 piece puzzle. Amelia and the kids are brilliant at puzzles. I am good at finding the edges.

Christmas morning, I turn on the twinkling lights, put on Bing Crosby and we line up the two excited munchkins in the hall. We try to master the Ty Pennington reveal but the truth is I'm just as excited as they are. As we enter the main room of the home, gasps of happy breath escape and fill our home as they find the part of the sofa or chair where the stockings were hung. Our daughter always checks to see if Santa has eaten the milk and cookies and if he's left a thank you note. He always does but he only leaves a few gifts for the kids. (The best ones come labeled "From Mom and Dad.") We never tear into our presents. We go in a circle, one gift at a time, so that we can share in the experience of giving and receiving. Doing this makes the morning last. I never want it to end. I hope our kids feel it too and I hope they find some tradition like these they enjoy enough to try and pass on.

We've been blessed in recent years so money at Christmas hasn't been the issue I imagine it was for my parents. But, I don't think it ever would be. Our love for each other, the Spirit in our home, and our traditions make it feel special to me. We'll never be poor on Christmas.

Happy holidays.

Ranking the December 2012 Movie Releases

It's the holiday season which, for me, means it's time to watch movies until my eyes bleed. I'm so excited about the December movie season that I've created a list of ranking each movie coming out this month, in order of best to worst, so you know how to best spend your holiday viewing time. Here you go.*

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Somehow they turned a 320 page book into the movies. I sort of don't care because Martin Freeman is going to own the role of Bilbo Baggins. The book itself is sort of anti-climatic but I know Peter Jackson will find a way to make each movie great.

Les Misérables: I know it's cliché but this is my favorite musical ever, probably. It's between this and Sweeny Todd. Anyway, the previews are heartbreaking and I can't wait to see it. Read Josh's post here to watch a bunch of stuff about it.

Django Unchained: There's nothing like Christmas and Tarantino.

This is 40: I love Paul Rudd. Like in a manly, I-wish-I-were-him, comedy-idol sort of way. It's an unnecessary sequel thing but I bet there's enough laughs in it to chase the winter depression away for a few hours.

Monsters Inc (in 3D): I cry every time. Every time. "Kitty!"

Jack Reacher: It was a real "reach" to release a movie where Tom Cruise plays Jason Bourne and "jacks" the bad guys up and makes things explode. We've seen it all before but it still might be fun.

The Guilt Trip: Seth Rogen and Streisand. Road trip. Ugh. My wife thinks this looks good. I'll see it with her if we've exhausted all other options except the ones below.

Parental Guidance: Billy Crystal? I thought he died after hosting the Oscars last year. That was last year, right?

Cirque Du Soleil: Worlds Away (in 3D): I don't even know why this is on here. To me, if you can't see this live, why would you watch it?

Playing for Keeps: Dear Gerard Butler, please go away.

How about you? What would your list look like?

*I have not included those films marked Limited Release because I live in a place where those movies rarely play. 

new neighbors

In the past month I saw two movies and sat next to a horrible person at both of them. This person is not my wife, though she was there as well. No, I was sitting by a random stranger who did their best to make the experience really horrible for me. And in both cases, I don't think they were aware that they were doing it! Isn't life crazy? Crazy, and sometimes really terrible? Because movies are expensive and I didn't pay all that money to sit by your crazy mom.

The first special neighbor I had sat by me at a recent viewing of Skyfall. A movie I loved and saw twice, by the way. Lisa had gone ahead with our friends Kacy and Christian to get seats while I waited in the popcorn line. When I made my way into the theatre and found my seat, I could tell by the looks on Lisa and Kacy's faces that popcorn was not the only treat I'd be enjoying! I'd also be sitting by a really drunk man.

He was bald, like me, and that seemed to create an instant connection. From the moment I sat down he introduced himself and started to chat away. SUPER LOUD. And the booze fumes were toxic. You know when really drunk people bellow into your face and the smell makes you want to die? You don't? You need to get out more. Anyway, it was like that.

The previews came on and he narrated all of them to me. There was a (presumably) drunk lady sitting with him, but he seemed way more into me (if I had a nickel!) Some preview with Hal Holbrook came on, and he could not believe that Hal Holbrook was still alive. And I heard about it for about ten minutes, complete with swear words. That f'n Hal Holbrook is still alive, you guys! Who knew?

He did not enjoy Skyfall. It was too slow for him. During Javier Bardem's amazing opening monologue (which, if there were any justice, would get him an Oscar nomination) he started to growl "Aaaaaaaac-tion!" in my ear. You know - he wanted more action! As if I were controlling the movie. As if I could make action suddenly start. Hang on, man! Let me talk to Javier and encourage another motorcycle chase! What? It's a movie? On a screen? You're super hammered? This is all so sudden!

At the climax of the film he burped. And then, as the final credits rolled, he offered a succinct review: "Skyfall? More like SKYBORING!"

Lisa and I attended The Life of Pi last week and I tried to book seats with no one next to me. Thwarted again! Some middle-aged woman with a puffy jacket found her way in there, and she latched onto me as well. She seemed nice enough, until the movie started. And then, as Lisa smartly observed, it was as if she had never seen a movie before!

Everything was terrifying! She clenched her puffy coat to her face and hid her eyes.

"Oh, I just can't take any more of this show!" she kept announcing. But she did! She took it! And listen - there is maybe one legitimate scare in the entire movie. But this woman was clearly at Paranormal Activity 6. In her mind she was watching Murders Galore! or Everything's Super Scary and You Should Scream. Because she jumped up and down in her seat like a Jack in the Box, and Oooh'd and Aaah'd and Golly'd every 30 seconds.

I'm not being mean, everyone. She was not mentally disabled. I talked to her before. She seemed fine enough. I'm not making fun of her. I'm genuinely concerned for her, because she was honestly scared by flying fish and Gerard Depardieu and a few big waves. One time a giant whale swam under Pi's lifeboat, and she announced "Oh, that's a whale." Later in the movie Pi taunts a tiger with a stick, which the tiger paws at playfully.

"Oh, my cat does that, too!" she confided.

On and on. Two hours of chatting, shrieks, and puffy coat hiding. She wasn't even drunk.

I don't know if I can go to any more movies. And I want to!! I love movies and I like eating popcorn. But what can I do? I would love some advice. And don't tell me to just tell the person to be quiet. It doesn't help, and in some cases it just starts a fistfight. Can you imagine me fistfighting that lady? She'd trap me in her panic coat and I'd never get out. What could be worse?

A Very Merry Christmas Movie

If you’re like me, the first thing you pull out of the Christmas boxes once they are lugged in from the garage are the Christmas movies! (Also if you’re like me, you like to end each December night with a cup of Stephen’s hot chocolate. Also if you’re like me, sometimes you wonder if you have a uterus, because you sound like a girl.)

I love Christmas movies. I am a complete and total sucker for all Christmas movies. My impenitent opinion is that there is never enough time between Thanksgiving and Christmas to watch all the Christmas movies. And that is because my broad definition of “a Christmas movie” is “any movie taking place during Christmastime.”

A Charlie Brown Christmas? Obviously a Christmas movie. How the Grinch Stole Christmas? Clearly. Miracle on 34th Street? It’s a Wonderful Life? Duh. Scrooged? Christmas Vacation? Home Alone? Yes, yes, and yes. Serendipity? About a Boy? Better Off Dead? Die Hard? (Did I just blow your mind?) Well, my narrow-minded-Christmas-movie-defining friend…you tell me…

I am a big fan of the Rankin/Bass productions, largely for nostalgic reasons. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, The Year Without a Santa Claus, etc., etc. Millions and millions of years ago – in the 1970s – you would have to actually wait until December to enjoy these holiday gems, rather than popping in the DVD any ol’ time you fancied. My mom, securing her place in heaven, would get out the TV guide and map out which nights they would be appearing on our average size television. And my gosh, the anticipation. All of us kids would crowd around the TV, and the moment you could see the animation or claymation come on the screen, Christmas magic exploded all over the room. My adrenaline would be running so hard, I couldn't hear! It was like someone had intravenously given us kids Hyperness Syrup! It was usually about 45 seconds into the show before we could actually hear anything. And then, it was as if all of our senses were heightened. We’d never felt so alive! We had never heard wittier dialogue, seen more sophisticated animation, or heard more stunning music. Pure joy. Due to the Christmas bliss these shows brought me in my youth, I am able, as an adult, to overlook the plot holes, forced exposition, and lack of clarifications that drive these shows. But I refuse to allow all of that to dim the Christmas pandemonium that fills my home when these movies make their debut each December.

In addition to Rankin/Bass, our family takes great Christmas glee in all the standards, including A Charlie Brown Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and Disney’s Mickey’s Christmas Carol. There are also multiple showings of Elf, Muppet’s Christmas Carol, and The Santa Clause.

And we also have a few favorites that I consider quite underrated. Bloom County’s A Wish for Wings that Work (starring Opus and Bill the Cat), where Opus saves Santa from drowning, and Disney’s Small One, where a young Judean boy is told by his father to take their donkey into town and sell him because he is a runt and uses up their resources without providing any real work. After some close calls with some swindlers and a tanner, this young boy sells his donkey to…(surprise!) Joseph and Mary. Yes, I’m sure you immediately saw that one coming when you saw that the story featured a donkey. But let me tell you this. When you are watching this movie with your three-year old daughter, and she starts bawling because she is so moved by the kindness of a young boy and a man named Joseph, it’s pretty hard not to love it. 

As far as full-length motion pictures go, anything that takes place in New York or London or a big city where there are Christmas trees and lights all over town, choirs and bands randomly performing, and people wearing fashionable outerwear, I am immediately captivated. With Christmas as a backdrop, I feel like the season is as much a character in the movie as any of the actors. It’s a time of forgiveness. A time of rekindling. A time when people are a little kinder. Except John McClane. Because if you are trying to take over the Nakatomi Plaza, and you are messing with his family... Christmas eve or not, you are going down, my friend.

What are your Christmas movie must-sees? What should I make sure is on my list? 

Not Yet a 007 Fan? Here's the 9 Best Bond Films to Prepare You for Skyfall

''[Bond] wasn't infallible, but he always knew the answer, always knew exactly what to do in any situation. And he always knew how to wear a suit.'' - Daniel Craig

And with that, here's your homework before you venture to see Skyfall in theaters:

1. Casino Royale (2006)
The first Daniel Craig film is gritty, edgy, and yet still very 007. Easily my favorite and, for those unfamiliar with the series, the best place to start. I will go out on a limb and say the first 15 minutes might be the best of any action movie.

2. From Russia With Love (1963)
The second Connery film has always been at the top of my list with plenty of thrills, gorgeous camera work and crazy villains. The fist fights make you feel like you're there in the room. Yikes.

3. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)
Model George Lazenby faked his way into the Bond role and gets criticized for not being an "actor" but the story is super strong and gives him a chance to be flawed and fantastically three dimensional. And there's Kojak as the bad guy.

4. Goldfinger (1964)
Probably the most iconic Bond movie was Connery's third. Loads of gadgets, guns, goons, and girls. I think the woman they spray painted gold almost died or something. Look it up. Plus, Oddjob!

5. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Roger Moore was my childhood bond. That feels weird typing that. Anyway, this movie made me a lifelong fan and I wanted to be James Bond to all the ladies (without all the misogyny, of course). It introduces the villain Jaws (the non-shark) and has one of the best opening scenes of them all.

6. Goldeneye (1995)
This is the Brosnan Bond I remember most fondly. Of all the 007s, he was the most smooth but his films got progressively cartoonish so, unless you like that sort of thing, don't waste your time on any other ones he did.

7. For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Moore's most serious turn as Bond has quite a lot of awesomeness in cars and on cliffs but I remember this one mostly for the theme song.

8. Quantum Of Solace (2008)
Craig's second entry was forgettable to many but is still a solid entry in my book and, being the most recent, probably gives you a good lead up to the events in Skyfall.

9. The Living Daylights (1987)
There was a time I considered Timothy Dalton the best James Bond. I don't know. It's probably because he was the grittiest since Connery. I like Moore and Brosnon but, in my head, Bond was always supposed to be rough and tumble and then be able to clean up nice not prissy and never breaking a sweat. That's why the best of the two Dalton entries gets the last spot.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

Do You Want to Sleep Tonight?

I have a bit of a love/ hate relationship with scary movies. I love them in the sense that I LOVE THEM.  And I hate them in the sense that after I watch them I am terrified and can't sleep for the next six months. My wife hates scary movies, which means when I watch them, I am usually alone, or on a business trip, or up way too late when she has already gone to bed. Which makes me more freaked out.

So since it is the Halloween season, I present to you my top 7 (couldn't think of 10 and couldn't narrow it down to 5) movies that scared me and kept me up at night (in no particular order.)


1. Drag Me to Hell - This is kind of more campy scary, but oh so delightful. It is the story of a nice girl who works in a bank and one day, as she tries to be more assertive and tough to get a promotion, denies a loan to a nice old lady who turns out to be a messed up gypsy who curses her. It's gory and hokey and has lots of jump out of your skin type scares.

2. Wait Until Dark -  I guess this is more of a mystery than a horror movie. All I know is that I watched in in high school in the room above my friends garage and there were several moments where we screamed really loud. It's an oldy, but a classic. Audrey Hepburn is a blind woman who is terrorized by a criminal who thinks there is a doll stuffed with Heroin hidden in her house. The last 20 min are unreal.

3. The Ring - Even doing a Google Image search for that picture freaked me out. This movie is about a woman investigating a video tape (remember those?) that if you watch it, you die within seven days. This movie messed me up. I was scared of it for about the next 6 months. I remember seeing this with my wife (it must have been while we were still dating and she was trying to woo me) and at one point in the movie she turned to me and said "You need to calm down." This movie was full of creepy, twisted imagery that sticks with you. Spooktastic.

4. Night Of The Living Dead - This is the original zombie movie before zombie were cool and hip. I saw it in black and white one Halloween night after coming home from trick or treating. My older brother was watching it in the basement and I don't think my parents knew I was watching it with him (I was probably about 9.) I remember becoming physically ill I was so scared. That scene where the little girl comes to life and (spoiler alert) kills her mother with a garden spade. Too much.

5. Insidious - This movie came out a few years ago and I think was pretty overlooked but it was great. It is the story of a family who moves into a house which they quickly discover is haunted. So they move to another house, which is also haunted. Maybe it's not the house that's haunted! Did you ever think of that?? This is a great one if you are anti-gore, because it's not zombies-eating-your-flesh kind of horror. It's more who's-that-spooky-man-standing-outside-your-window kinda scary. I watched this with my sister while she was helping me pack my house to move from Portland back to Utah and at one point I remember turning to her and saying "This is a movie about a family in a house full of moving boxes and we are sitting IN A HOUSE FULL OF MOVING BOXES!" It's a blast.

6. The Others - Dang, I loved this movie. Moody and creepy and beautiful. It's about a woman who is looking for someone to take care of her kids who can't go out in the sun because of an allergy. Then spooky stuff happens. Then I wet my pants. This is definitely one I would watch with my kids when they are a little older.

7. Rosemary's Baby - If you haven't seen this classic, go watch it. A woman in a NYC apartment becomes pregnant and then starts to suspect her baby is the son of Satan. I know it sounds charming but it is creepy and unsettling and fantastic. Plus, Mia Farrow is a gift. And it has Ruth Gordon (You know, Maude from Harold and Maude! You love her!!)

So there you have it. I am sure I have left something out. Remind me in the comments what I missed, or tell me what your favorite scary movies are. I need a reason to stay up late (and then not be able to sleep after.)

A Writer's List of the Top 10 Movies About Writers

Today on Part Time Authors we'll show how the love/hate relationship many of us have with writing is wonderfully represented in movies. Let's get right to it ...

10. Stranger Than Fiction
Sometimes the characters we write already have a life of their own. We have to find that life and figure out the best way for them to continue to live (or die?) inside our story.

9. Barton Fink
You think you suffere from severe writer's block? You don't know what that really is until you've seen this movie.

8. Capote
Philip Seymour Hoffman is so perfect in this. I think what you can take away, other than sometimes we have to write about hard and difficult things, is that research and process are as much a part of a successful piece than anything else.

7. The Hours 
This one made me cry a lot. I've never read the novel "Mrs. Dalloway" but after seeing what happens to these ladies while reading (writing) it, do I want to? Did I mention it's sad?

6. Almost Famous
The performances are top notch. The story is great. The dialogue is brilliant. And, it accurately portrays the excitement, joy, stress, sadness, and disillusionment of writing. Oh, and that scene where he plays Stairway to Heaven for his mom ... amazing.

5. Adaptation
Not everything we create needs to make sense to other people if it makes sense to us.

4. The Shining
Best horror film ever? It's a least the best horror film with a writer as a [SPOILER] murderer.

3. Wonderboys
Haven't read the book. Ha! But I loved this movie. At the time I saw this there was this conflict inside of me that I really wanted to be Grady Tripp and at the same time never wanted to be Grady Tripp. Do you know what I mean?

2. Finding Neverland
One of my favorite movies. There are a lot of movies on this list that portray writers as sad, depressed, and neurotic. However, this movie inspires me to be not only a better writer but a better person every time I watch it.

1. Sunset Boulevard
It's not only the best movie with a writer as the main character, it's one of the best movies ever made. Period. It's groundbreaking, witty, scary, and devilishly well-written.

So, what do you think of the list? What did I miss?

[Author's note: I didn't really enjoy Sideways.]