Some Other Part Time Stuff

You guys, I recently had the opportunity to be in two different commercials. So I should probably quit my day job so I can have a more flexible schedule to practice, you know, my "craft." Right? Let's first watch the commercials and then discuss together how I actually, probably, should not do that.

Yep, that's Utah Community Credit Union. I feel a particular loyalty, since they gave me my first car loan right after Katie and I were married. Our first big purchase! And UCCU was there for us. A single tear rolls down. Also, this shoot was great because I got a free lunch at The Melty Way! Guys, the perks of being a movie commercial star principal are pretty awesome.

The second commercial was for Baja Broadband. It was freezing outside, but that's not what I'll take away from this experience. No. What I'm taking away from this is that I am 42 and my wife in the commercial is … 23. And she's from England! I don't know what this is supposed to say about my character in the commercial. I'm guessing this is a second marriage for him. He's had a midlife crisis. He's super wealthy, guys. And he doesn't put up with other men ogling his wife. That's what I decided when I was doing a deep study of my character and what his motivation would be. I hope it comes through in the commercial.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

We're coming up on Valentine's Day this week, kids. Love abounds! Except when it doesn't. And you know who you are. And believe me - though I am crazy-insane in love with my wife for decades now, there was a time when I treaded the ground of "Having to Figure Love Out." And that inevitably included break-ups. And man, I hated those.

I used to work with a girl named Tobie.* Tobie had lived in Las Vegas for a number of years, but originally heralds from Planet Drama, where she is considered royalty. (*Names have been changed. Kind of. She spells it without the “e.”) Each morning when I walked into the office, I couldn't wait to see what the Crisis De Jour would be. The dramatic episodes ranged from “Last night I talked to my mom for the first time in three years!” to “I lost 1.5 pounds!” And most memorably, when she broke up with her boyfriend of eight months. Or more accurately, he broke up with her. And what, I ask you, could be more dramatic than that?! (Well, if you’re Tobie, then just about anything.)

So I’m listening to her heartbreaking story, line upon line and precept by precept, when I suddenly begin having flashbacks to my own breakups. I start getting knots in my stomach, I get a little moist under the arms, and I find myself looking for the opportunity to assure Tobie that her and I can still be friends, even though we aren’t the ones breaking up. It’s just instinct.

For me, breakups were the absolute worst. I avoided them like they were cancer. Oh, how they pained me to the core of my dating soul. It’s still hard to talk about some of them…

Tess Dresher. Fourth Grade. I can still recall the day she walked up to me during recess and asked me to “go with her.” “Sure,” I answered. And those were the last words every exchanged between Tess and myself. We occasionally sat by each other, and I gave her a very special Peanuts Valentine’s Day card, but we never did speak, or even make eye contact. So I guess technically we are still “going together.” Boy is she going to be mad when she finds out I got married and had eight children. She’ll want to break up for sure. I’m not looking forward to that conversation.

Julia Zimmerman. High School. It was the summer of 1987, and I was sixteen years old – with a license to drive and to date! I knew Julia really liked me when her mom had grounded her and she promptly ignored said house arrest to go to the movies with me. Yes, we were young and crazy in love! I was pretty sure that after the summer of 1987 I could die happy. By fall of 1987 I was so miserable I was praying for death. We went to different high schools and Julia was first to acknowledge that our long distance relationship wasn’t really going to make it. I nodded my head in agreement, but inside I felt like somebody was cramming my heart through a paper shredder.

College break-ups were the toughest, obviously. You've all been there. Sometimes it's almost cliche. But there was genuine pain, due to genuine feelings and possibilities. It might be too soon. I don't think I can talk about it. Her name was Danielle. It was Halloween night. We had gone to a party and we were sitting in my car in the parking lot of her apartment complex. I was dressed as Aladdin, she was Jasmine. Things had been in the pooper for quite some time, and it felt like a stranger walking by could glance in our direction and know exactly what was happening. It was silent for a few minutes, and then I spoke up. Tell me if you've had this exact conversation before:

“I think we should see other people.”

"Define our relationship,” she said.

“What?”

“Define our relationship!”

“Uhm…we should…see other people…but we can still be -”

“Are you giving me the Friend Speech? Don’t you DARE give me the Friend Speech!”

“Uh…NO…never, never. I think it’s just me.”

“OH, NO – the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ bit?”

“Noooo! That’s not what I mean at all...”

An eternal silence. Like…three days have passed while we’ve sat in the car. And finally she speaks.

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

“I…don’t understand the question.”

“I can’t do this!” she yelled, and bailed out of the car.

Joy to the world.

It was truly painful. Of course, not as painful as Tobie’s overly dramatic reaction to the hair she found in her salad at lunch one day. “I almost ate this and diiiiiiieeeeedddddd!”

The Many Faces of Google

You may have heard that Google Fiber recently arrived in Provo, Utah. If you want to know what  exactly that means, read this short article by my friend and yours, Christian Faulconer (the David Letterman of Provo), who actually toured the Google Fiber facility.

My home was officially Google Fibered last week, so I'm a fan. But I'm probably also inclined because our family got to be a part of the ad campaign! And now, since you didn’t ask, I’d like to give you some “Behind the Scenes” of the Google ad. Some “The Making Of” goodies. Some DVD bonus features.

It all started when Google decided they needed a gi-normous family, in order to back up their slogan for Provo: Bigger Broadband for Bigger Families. Yup. That’s us. We are officially a family of 10. But at the time of filming, back in December 2013, we were still getting used to our size, as Hillary had been born only 3 weeks earlier. And it was mid-December with Christmas fast approaching. So, not to brag, but, you know...we were kind of out of our minds and barely keeping it together.

For example, I remember one Sunday morning my 8 year old came into my room to tell me he was ready for church. Judging by his pants, he was either anticipating a flood, or had grown 5 inches overnight. His white shirt - his white short-sleeve shirt in 22 degree weather - looked like it had been wadded up in a tennis-ball container since summer. His hair looked like it was in a fight with itself. We locked eyes, and without blinking, I said, “Lookin’ good, bud; go get in the car.”

So, back to our story, the ad folks from Google came out from San Francisco and showed up at our house the day before filming, so they could do that thing where directors make their fingers into squares so they have a “camera view” as they scan the area for what they plan to film. They were super nice and friendly and encouraging - which is how they tricked us into going through the hassle of taking down our Christmas decorations for the commercial.

The day of the shoot, two different crews were there from 9:30 a.m. to about 4:30 p.m. The morning was for the film crew who rearranged the house, set up lighting, wardrobe, make-up, etc. Meanwhile, I went to work for a couple of hours and came home around 11:00 a.m. When I pulled up to the house, it was a complete and awesome spectacle. I had to park down the street, as my house was surrounded by trucks, cars, and equipment. The garage was full of racks of clothing and craft services. I so badly wanted to know what the neighbors thought was going on.

I walked in the front door, and in addition to my family, the house was buzzing with another 25 people. The furniture was different, lights were everywhere, a woman I didn’t recognize walked by holding Lucy, my two-year old, and they were deep in conversation. Then I saw somebody I knew - my five-year old, Becca. She was already in new wardrobe and make-up, and my goodness - she was gorgeous. She looked like a movie star. She hugged my legs, careful not to wipe her lip gloss on my pants.

Our master bedroom had been converted into “the changing room,” and our daughters’ room had become “hair and make up,” with several salon chairs. Some poor man almost lost his mind trying to figure out if all the kids had been through both rooms and were ready. The house sounded like a dinner party and smelled like coffee. I met the creative director and account executive from the ad agency and part of the team from Google. Lots of handshakes, lots of “thank yous” ... they were really warm and lovely people. Full of genuine compliments about how great my children were. (And if you ever want to win somebody over, tell a dad that his kids are amazing.)

First we shot our portion of the commercial. That’s Katie and Garren at the kitchen table on a tablet - they are supposed to be doing homework, but they’re watching Thor 2 trailers. Then there’s Abbie on the laptop, emailing friends. And that’s Tanner, running from the kitchen to the couch, to join the rest of us who were watching The Avengers on a TV that isn't ours, but the kids desperately hoped was one of the perks of the job. So most of us just had to sit there, acting natural. (Hillary nailed it.) Except Tanner. He and the director had a special relationship. It went like this: The director would say, “Just one more time, Tanner.” And Tanner would whisper to me under his breath, “I just want to watch the movie.” This happened 23 times. He was a trooper.

Then we all broke for lunch. The film crew packed out their gear, and the stills crew packed in theirs. The producers materialized the most delicious craft services, but they also ordered a bunch of pizzas for my kids. My kids loved them for this.

Everybody was so kind. They interacted with my kids, we all told stories, they asked about my career and our family. It was clear that minds were blown and pants were pooped by the fact that we had 8 children and yet we were magically void of any meltdowns, spills, injuries, or wardrobe malfunctions. The gods of advertising smiled on us that day.

Then they took a family photo of us.

Then we did a photo shoot in our kitchen. Katie was in the front, holding a frame where the gifted designers would later superimpose our new family photo. Behind Katie were all our children - a mix of baking, cleaning, and playing with electronics. And that is the billboard currently making the scene all over Provo.

As the day was wrapping up the delightful wardrobe lady came over and told me that she was going to leave us the wardrobe used for the shoot. Awesome! Then they told us they were leaving the rest of the craft services with us because nobody wanted to haul the food away. Dinner is served! And the photographer said they would make sure we got the family photo.  Christmas in December!

Then, my favorite part. The gentleman from Google came over to me and said, “I’ve been watching your kids all day. My wife and I have an 18-month old...and we plan to have more. I watch your kids and I get excited - thinking of my children being as good of friends as yours are.”  And as fun and exhausting as the entire day was - that was the moment when my day was made. Yes, we are a big family. Yes, that often means things aren’t on time or wrinkle-free or at a low volume. But sometimes, against all odds, it means maybe you get to be a force for good in the world.

And the Nominees Are...

Did you watch the Grammy Awards last night? Me neither. But are you going to look up clips on Hulu sometime this week? Me too. (Are you going to eat ice cream while you watch? ME TOO! We are, like, total twinners!)

Anynote (did you see what I did there?), ah, music. I adore it, in all its varieties. Except not so much Metal. And I will freely admit that I do not have an extensive library of sitar music. But I really am a music junkie. And I love how music can take you to a very specific time and place and frame of mind. And so, since nobody asked, I will now share with you my own musical award show: The Faux Grammy's. 

There will be no live performances, per se. (And by “per se,” I of course mean, “of any kind.”) But perhaps you may find yourself entertaining thoughts of your own music lists. And if so, then my job here is done. Actually, my job here is done, regardless of what you do.

The Song that Immediately Takes Me Back to High School:

And the nominees are….

• With or Without You – U2
• New Sensation – INXS
• You Be Illin’ – Run DMC
• Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard
• Wishing Well – Terence Trent D’Arby

The Song that Immediately Takes Me Back to College:
And the nominees are…

• Nightswimming – R.E.M.
• Selling the Drama – Live
• One – U2
• Stay – Lisa Loeb
• Dissident – Pearl Jam
• Loser – Beck
• Dreams – The Cranberries
• Runaway Train – Soul Asylum

The Song that Makes Me Feel I’m in a Dentist's Waiting Room:

And the nominees are...

• I Love You – Climax Blues Band
• You Are the Woman – Firefall
• We Just Disagree – Dave Mason
• Escape (The Pina Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes
• Shining Star – The Manhattans

The Song that Take Me Back to School/Church Dances in My Youth (’85 to ’89):

And the nominees are…

• Open Arms – Journey
• Crazy for You – Madonna
• The Flame – Cheap Trick
• Melt With You – Modern English
• Oh L’Amour – Erasure

The Song I Should Not Listen to In the Car Because Suddenly I Am Driving 35 Miles Over the Speed Limit:

And the nominees are….

• Won’t Get Fooled Again – The Who
• Regatta de Blanc – The Police
• Red Barchetta – Rush
• Electric Co. – U2
• Panama – Van Halen

The Song Which I Really Have No Idea How I Know All the Lyrics, Yet Somehow I Do:

And the nominees are...

• Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy – The Andews Sisters
• Parents Just Don’t Understand – DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince
• El Paso – Marty Robbins
• Seaside Rendezvous – Queen
• The Rose – Bette Midler

The Song that Currently Sums Up My Life:

And the nominees are...

• All These Things that I’ve Done – The Killers
• Once in a Lifetime – Talking Heads
• Waiting for My Real Life to Begin - Colin Hay
• Find the River - R.E.M.
• 40 - U2

Yes, WE Will Go with You to the Dance

Youguys, youguys, youguys! Ohmygosh, youguys!

So, let's just say (totally hypothetically) that your 16 year old daughter - we'll call her Abbie - was creatively asked to her first school dance on Saturday night! And, just for funsies, let's also pretend that you belong to a fantastic book club (which is closed) and it's your turn to host, so your home is filled with 10 amazing people who think your daughter is pretty neat-o, and they can BARELY contain their excitement that they have a front row seat to the actual moment she is asked!!!!

You know what? Let's get even more detailed. 

Let's imagine that it kind of happens like, oh, I don't know, like this: (names have not been changed)

You're all sitting in the front room, discussing books and life and food. (Not in that order.) 

The doorbell rings. 

Kacy: (Who has an uncanny ability to sense things, we'll call her the Doorbell Whisperer.) Abbie's getting asked to a dance! I just saw somebody run away from the door!

Everyone: AAAAAHHHH!

Katie: I'll get Abbie! (Abbie was downstairs, watching a movie with her siblings.)

Everyone else jumps into place. By this, I mean Chris stations himself at the piano and starts playing the appropriate mood music - a kind of dramatic pomp and circumstance riff. The rest of us make a line from the stair banister to the front door, so Abbie gets to/has to walk by all of us on her way to the door. Except my friend, Josh, the only one with sensibilities telling him that this might be embarrassing for Abbie. He hides in the kitchen. 

The room has EXPLODED with emotion! I mean, the thrill, the anxiety, the nervousness, the giddiness - it's all in pieces on the floor and walls and us! Patrick does the sensible thing and films the entire moment.

Once Abbie opens the door and reads the note out loud, we are all abuzz again; planning a proper creative response to this young man, who has no idea what he has started by simply dropping off a plate of toast and a note on this fateful night.  

Within minutes, and even after Abbie has retreated to the safety of the basement, we have already made our own plans for how Abbie should creatively respond to this invitation, what she should wear, what our coordinated outfits should look like for when he picks her up for the dance and we all go to the dance WITH Abbie and her date, and a highly choreographed flash mob. (Admittedly, we aren't sure exactly when the flash mob will be needed - but we're leaning towards the moment he rings the doorbell. Cue the Doorbell Whisperer.) (We are about 68% kidding on all of these things.)

So, I am just wondering…is your 16-year-old self totally cringing while you read this? Would you be mortified or handle it with grace and a smile like Abbie? Would you hate your parents and their friends? And again, this is absolutely hypothetical, I'm asking for a friend. 

Dr. Schulze, I Presume...

Allow me to introduce you to Dr. Richard Schulze, a botanical pharmacist who approaches healing and overall well-being with herbs. This is a man who believes in natural remedies. A man who snubs western medicine. A man who inadvertently promotes himself in the most obnoxious of ways.

Truth be known, I’m fine with his natural healing mode of thinking. I don’t take a great deal of medication or chemicals for my health. I don’t get the flu shot, I don’t take antibiotics for non-infections, and I don’t chew aspirin when I’m out of gum. But I’m no Dr. Schulze. I think if I ever met this man, I would slap him senseless, with herbs falling out of every one of his orifices as I slapped him.

See, his theories on health issues are fine, but he offends me in two ways. The first is his advertising. Any piece of promotional material you receive from Dr. Schulze, be it a brochure, his website, or I imagine even a text message, is written in about 18 different fonts, giving the impression that he is YELLING AT YOU, emphasizing every … single … written … word, or pretending that every other sentence is the key sentence to his theory. This has lead me to believe his personality is very loud and that he believes there is not a whole lot that he doesn’t already know about almost everything.

You may feel that I am unfairly labeling Dr. Schulze, and you may have a point. But the second (and greater) offense is not only a more serious accusation, but I have proof to back me up. Ladies and gentleman, I give you…horrible tasting herbs.

So, I’m thumbing through a catalogue by Dr. Schulze, and despite his YELLING AT ME IN PRINT, or maybe because of it, I decide to take a serious look at a product he calls SuperFood. SuperFood is made up of every vitamin, mineral, and super power a growing man needs. Why, with SuperFood, I was convinced I could take one pill a day, without changing my usual diet of doughnuts, Almond M&Ms, and cheeseburgers…and be the absolute picture of health. No need to be bogged down with fruits, vegetables, or produce of any kind. Got ‘em all packed into this magnificent little SuperFood pill. I can just dedicate those calories to more delicious intake.

So I called to order SuperFood. And when I called, I got completely suckered into ordering SuperFood in bulk. So a few minutes later, I am into SuperFood just over $100.

“Well,” I tell myself, “isn’t your health worth $100?” And I console myself by imagining the things I’ll be able to do with my newfound strength and vitality that will come from something so wonderful that it says right in the product how super it is.

And then SuperFood arrives. And surprise! It’s not in a pill. It comes in raw powder / grain / grass / stuff. You scoop it into a beverage of your choice, and chug it. I’m already not as thrilled. This looks like a lot more work. I scooped some into some orange juice, mixed it around, looked at it (my first mistake) and threw it down my throat (my second mistake).

Imagine a meadow, somewhere. It’s rained for days, and that meadow is now a swamp. Now visualize, if you will, a heard of buffalo. They have rolled and stepped all over the meadowy, swampy area, infesting it with years of filth that has been in their hair. And now picture one of these buffalo eating some of the filthy, swampy grass, chewing it for hours, digesting it for days, and then dumping it where it sleeps. Now envision Dr. Schulze stumbling upon this heap, combing it with one-part dirt and two-part dried-out sin, and bottling it as SuperFood. I just bought $100 of that stuff.

And I assure you – I am going to take every last grain of it. I paid for it, and I am too stubborn to just throw good money away. EVEN IF IT MEANS I AM JUST CRAZY ENOUGH to consume the nastiest tasting stuff I’ve ever held in my possession.

Thankyou. Thankyouverymuch.

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? Or is even the phrase “New Year’s Resolutions” enough to make you feel discouraged? I’ve made my fair share. I am going to publicly share one of mine for 2014. Ready? Here it is:

Write more Thank You notes.

I’m not particularly bad at this; I just want to be better. Being a words of affirmation guy myself, I enjoy doling gracious words out to people I love - family, friends, or neighbors - who have selflessly done something for me or my family. (A thank you note seems like the very least I could do for somebody who invites our family of 10 over for dinner. I mean, really. Who does that? Only the saintliest of folks.) But I want to be more conscious of doing it. Even devoting just a few minutes to it changes my perspective and broadens my view of how good I have it - to be surrounded by people who are generous with their time, consideration, cupboards, talents, finances, or words. I want to be more dedicated to looking at the gifts in my life and expressing thanks that they are there.

I found a few examples online of Thank You Notes that made me smile.

Here’s one from Conan O’Brien, which I found to be a wonderful combination of kind and funny.

Transcript:

Dear Nikki -

Thanks for your very flattering offer. It's great to know I have such a devoted fan out there, and I'm sure you would make a great prom date (I didn't go to mine - it's a very sad story).

Unfortunately, I got married recently and my wife doesn't allow me to go to proms anymore with cute 16 year old girls. Still, it was very cool of you to ask me. Thanks and have a great evening.

Your Friend,

Conan


Look at this one from President Obama. How cool that he was reading with his daughter. And how cool that the took a moment to convey his gratitude and appreciation for the work. The author personally noted, "What amazes me is the gratuity of it. As you would know, there is a large measure of calculation in what public figures do. But here, what does he gain? I’m not a US citizen. In no way can I be of help to President Obama. Clearly he did it for personal reasons, as a reader and as a father. And in two lines, what an insightful analysis of Life of Pi. Bless him, bless him."

Mr. Martel —

My daughter and I just finished reading Life of Pi together. Both of us agreed we prefer the story with animals.

It is a lovely book — an elegant proof of God, and the power of storytelling.
Thank you.
Barack Obama


This one from President Reagan actually pulled on my heart strings a bit. It’s to a broader audience - the American public. Personally, I felt his genuine gratitude for the opportunity to be of service. I think what got me though was the image of a man on the threshold of decent. Still with all his faculties, but completely aware that his health - physical and mental - are fading and will soon evanesce. And the effect of that on his loved ones. And yet he is still gracious and wanting to offer thanks. I really liked that.

My fellow Americans,

I have recently been told that I am one of the millions of Americans who will be afflicted with Alzheimer's disease.

Upon learning this news, Nancy and I had to decide whether as private citizens we would keep this a private matter or whether we would make this news known in a public way.

In the past, Nancy suffered from breast cancer and I had cancer surgeries. We found through our open disclosures we were able to raise public awareness. We were happy that as a result many more people underwent testing. They were treated in early stages and able to return to normal, healthy lives.

So now we feel it is important to share it with you. In opening our hearts, we hope this might promote greater awareness of this condition. Perhaps it will encourage a clear understanding of the individuals and families who are affected by it.

At the moment, I feel just fine. I intend to live the remainder of the years God gives me on this earth doing the things I have always done. I will continue to share life's journey with my beloved Nancy and my family. I plan to enjoy the great outdoors and stay in touch with my friends and supporters.

Unfortunately, as Alzheimer's disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from this painful experience. When the time comes, I am confident that with your help she will face it with faith and courage.

In closing, let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great honor of allowing me to serve as your president. When the Lord calls me home, whenever that may be, I will leave the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future.

I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead.

Thank you, my friends. May God always bless you.
Sincerely,
Ronald Reagan

Best Tech and Apps of 2013

It's time for our favorite/best tech/apps/sites/stuff of 2013!

This year I made it a point to steer away from games on my devices. Nowadays I only keep one game on my iPhone. This is because I get addicted to games really easy. The one game? Ridiculous Fishing. It is fun and cute and frustrating and addicting. It's also the Game of the Year in the App Store for 2013.

Other apps I love are:

Duolingo - See Patrick's section.
Lumosity - Games that are proven to increase your memory and focus.
Audible - Part of the reason I was able to read more books this year is that I listen to them on my commute. I think that this has made me a happier and more well-rounded person.
Spotify - I don't use this app too much in my car anymore since I listen to books 90% of the time, but I do listen to it using the app on my laptop at work. Music is a huge part of my life and this gives me access to almost anything I can think of to listen to as well as helping me find new bands/artists to enjoy.

The best piece of tech I got this year was the Bose Solo sound system. We had been getting by with our TV's native volume controls which, when you watch a movie on DVD or BluRay, meant turning up the TV to its max. For some reason that is 63. Now, we have great sound for our movies and we don't have to have the closed captioning on anymore. And the sound quality is just perfect.

Chris:

Well, I don't know much about technology or science books or the french I took, but I know that I love the apps on my phone. Here are my favorites!

Akinator: It's an amazing genie that can guess any person you can think of! My kids love it, and I secretly play it when I'm bored.

Buzzfeed: 2013 was the year I stopped reading my facebook news feed. So many things irritated me about it. But now what was I supposed to read to kill time? Thank you, Buzzfeed. You saved me. I love humanity again.

Fandango: I buy movie tickets and do everything by my phone! It's space age! You guys have probably been doing this for years.

Flixster: Speaking of movies, I'm a snob. I won't go see anything with bad reviews. And I actually trust rotten tomatoes. So it's all here: movie descriptions, reviews, upcoming and show times.

Life Reminders: It literally runs my life. It's a boring little app, but man - it's changed me.

Runpee: So I know when the boring parts in movies happen and I can take a leak.

UDOT Traffic: It's all the 411 on I15. I know about accidents and stuff before I get on the freeway. And can thus plan accordingly.

Patrick:

Right now I'm real into Duolingo:

So I love to play word games on my phone on my break on my job. This app is a bunch of games, but it's teaching me French. So I have to translate what my phone is saying or I have to type it out in French. It feels like I'm playing a memory game or a spelling game but in the end I'll be buying and selling stocks on the champs de elysees!

I'm playing Letterpress but not with you.

In 2014 I am going to get super skinny, so I am on the look out for a great weight loss app...but not one that tracks how bad I'm doing, rather I would like an app where I stick my phone to my "Trouble Areas" and it sucks the fat strait into my phone...it would be nice if it then sent my fat to my enemies as a voice mail.

Ken:

I'm pretty confident in saying that I am the least technologically savvy person in the group. For most things technology, I text Josh with all my questions. (I DO know how to text. And I don't do it while I'm driving, so save the hate for somebody else.)

2013 was the year of the podcast for me. The year I started listening to stories or conversations on my commute. I generally listen to NPR's This American Life and Pop Culture Happy Hour. ALSO, for movies, I listen to my entertaining friend Eric D. Snider and his Movie B.S. podcast (with his friend Jeff Bayer). (Get it? B=Bayer and S=Snider. That's the kind of genius you come to expect with Movie B.S.)

Apps: I am still a bit of a novice with phone apps. But I do love the Flixster. It provides the Rotten Tomatoes %s and tells me movie times and even has previews! Sometimes, for funsies, I like to look up my favorite movies from my youth and see what the Rotten Tomatoes %s are. (Really, Splash? 92%?! Impressive, Tom Hanks. Apparently even more impressive than your Forrest Gump's Academy Award winning 71%. But not as good as Toy Story's 100%.)

And the thing that makes me feel like I AM tech-savvy? My Apple TV. I've had it for several years now, but I still love it. I can stream Netflix through it as well as digitizing all my movies and putting my DVDs in storage so it's at least more difficult for my kids to scratch and destroy them.

What were your favorite apps or pieces of tech this year?

Best TV of 2013

I am tasked with writing the TV profile, because I am the most avid TV watcher of the PTA. But TV has been really, really different for me this year. I officially cut the cord and do all my TV watching now on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and iTunes. And part of that was motivated by the fact that I am less and less impressed by what Network TV has to offer. There are a few shows that I am excited to see what happens next (Parenthood, Scandal, Nashville) but not as many as there once was.

So, my top show of 2013 was Broadchurch

Even googling images from this show made me emotional

Broadchurch was on the BBC earlier in the year and now can be had on iTunes for about $20. In British fashion it is only 8 episodes long and tells the story of a small, English, seaside town where a young boy is found murdered on the beach. It's about the investigation that follows, and because the town is so small, it's also about the impact that that investigation has on everyone in town. It's one of those places where literally everyone knows everyone else. The finale was like a gut punch and I couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks.

Other shows I loved this year: Breaking Bad: A satisfying finish to the series that was a modern day Shakespearian tragedy. The Returned: I blogged about this before. It's French, it's terrifying and it's awesome. Orange is the New Black: so smart and funny and original and SO rated R. So do not watch this show and then send me angry emails. Scandal: I was late to this bandwagon, but devoured the first three seasons in about a week. So campy and insane and fun to watch.

Ken's picks

Thanks to the miracle of Netflix and a lackluster TV line up this fall, I'm watching very few current TV programs, but enjoying a few series of yester-year (Cheers, West Wing). 

My loyalties are still with Parks & Rec, though I am upset with the way NBC is treating this gem of a show. It is consistently funny and entertaining. 

I also occasionally tune in to The Goldbergs because A) If Wendi McClendon-Covey, who plays Becky Goldberg, ever died, my dear friend Lisa Valentine Clark could step right in and America would never miss a beat. They wouldn't even know. And B) I always enjoy a throwback to the 80s. That being said, this show drives me absolutely out of my mind with its inconsistencies. Hey Goldbergs, the 1980s did not happen IN ONE YEAR! When the son references this new Rubik's Cube (1980) while he's dressed as a Ghostbuster (1984) and watching Alf in the afternoon with his brother (never happened), I scream to myself, "Is ANYONE working on this show even TRYING?!" 1987 was NOT the same year as 1981. I assure you. I was there. I tried wearing Parachute Pants in 1987. It did not go well. 

Topher's picks:

I watched a lot of TV this year by my own standards, but I'm a loser within the PTA ranks. My TV selections are admittedly strange and I can't really help it. I like what I like. So here's what brought me to the boob tube in 2013:

Game of Thrones. Lisa and I started with seasons one and two this year, and holy crap. Holy, holy crap. I'm addicted. Even though I have to look up every episode online after I watch it to make sure I understood it. Yes, even though that. The acting, writing, and art direction are mind blowing. You can skip all the sexy parts, it's ok. 

My other favorites:

Parks and Recreation

Mad Men

Nashville (I still watch it!)

The Americans

Bates Motel

Orange is the New Black

Patrick's picks:

Why is Hatty in this picture? She hasn't been on the show for like 20 years. 

Parenthood...it's Parenthood. I died. I watched all the back seasons on Netflix (only 3...maybe 4) then hopped over to Hulu for the current season (Kristina as the Mayor, bleh, but real into Ray Romano...I KNOW?!)  

My wife would say Scandal.  She tore through them so fast I couldn't keep up, so then I refused to watch them and now I'm in the dark.

Still loving The Mindy Project and New Girl.

Sad about: Happy Endings...though it's nice to see it's actors farmed out to The Mindy Project and New Girl.

Stopped watching Nashville, but I feel bad about it.

Dove in to: Orange is the New Black but I can NOT tell you to watch it, it's super filthy and your kids will walk in at just the wrong spot and you'll blame Part Time Authors...so please don't watch this amazing show whose next season comes out early next year...which is in a week.

Did not want to watch but then it hooked me:  House of Cards.  When I heard that Kevin Spacey was going to talk to me in my living room about his schemes in Washington DC I was reminded of the first season of Sex in the City where, if you watch it now you're all like, "Oh, Carrie, don't do that....you're better then this, just live your life and act like I'm not here."  But when Kevin Spacey does it...I die over it!  It's like I'm part of his team...no, gang...yeah, I am getting the inside scoop and it's just me and him and Robbin Wright taking over America!!! 

Brett:

It's hard for me to pick a favorite show this year. But I think, for its penetration into all of pop culture, its near panic-attack-inducing pace and story, its ability to create conversation like nothing else, my favorite drama is Breaking Bad. My favorite comedy is The Wrong Mans, a little British export on HuluPlus. This show is funny, sweet, action packed, and has a cliffhanger almost every episode. It's about two guys who work in an office and accidentally get thrown into a murder, mob, spy, robber thing and bumble their way through it. Please check it out so we can talk about it?

Here's my top 10 list of dramas and comedies with an honorable mention thrown in for good measure:

Dramas	Comedies
1. Breaking Bad 2. Justified 3. The Americans 4. Top of the Lake 5. Luther 6. Orphan Black 7. Broadchurch 8. House of Cards 9. In the Flesh 10. Elementary Honorable Mention: Sleepy Hollow	1. The Wrong Mans 2. Parks and Recreation 3. New Girl 4. Brooklyn 99 5. Mindy Project 6. Bob’s Burgers 7. Moone Boy 8. South Park 9. Happy Endings 10. Regular Show Honorable Mention: Modern Family

2013: PTA's year in movies!

Topher:

Hey all! Time for the 2013 PTA movie round up! I thought it was a pretty good year for movies.  Anyway, it was better than last year. Here are my top 10 movies of the year!

1. Gravity. This was one of the most stunning and perfectly crafted movies ever made. I don't know that I've ever had this immersive of an experience in a movie theatre. I felt like I was in space. I wanted to throw up. It was amazing. I genuinely think this movie is a masterpiece.

rounding out my top ten...

2. Before Midnight: the best written and acted movie in years.
3. American Hustle: style and substance.
4. Nebraska: Bleak, funny, touching.
5. Blue Jasmine: Cate Blanchett is astonishing.
6. Saving Mr. Banks: Made me cry.
7. The Heat: Super funny on a day that I needed it.
8. The Bling Ring: Really overlooked - but an amazing commentary on our times.
9. The Saratov Approach: A solidly crafted film by some great and talented friends.
10. Blancanieves: Rent this right now! The Spanish Snow White.

Ken:

I love when going to the movies feels like an EVENT! I know you know what I mean. When you've

walked out of the movie theater and your perception of movies is heightened, you notice your senses have been to a party, etc. I remember feeling that when I was 6 years old and went with my family to see Star Wars. I remember that in the original Superman. In Raiders of the Lost Ark. In Jurassic Park. And this year, in Gravity. I saw it in 3D, and then in 2D. And I am not a big proponent of 3D…but man….in 3D, it was an EVENT. 

Like the rest of the world, I also was captivated by Captain Phillips - especially Tom Hanks' performance in the last few minutes of the film. Admittedly, there are a number of films I have not seen yet. But I will be controversial and state for the record that while I loved the sister-theme and songs in Frozen, I am still more partial to Tangled. Throw things at me if you must. 

Josh:

I'm sure that for my best movie of the year I should be picking something deep and thinky like Inside Llewlyn: Osage County or something directed by someone famous that is really long and dramatic and has lots of swearing and is probably set in the 70s or 80s with crazy costumes. But I am just too, too tired to see movies like that. I want my movies to be short, entertaining, and preferably TV shows. So for my money, the best movie of the year was The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. I think the movie did a good job of not just dissolving to an action fest, but exploring, on a Hunger Games appropriate level the idea of revolution and change. And I thought it was fun to see how many ways the movie tried to pretend that Josh Hutcherson isn't 4'9" and could LITERALLY ride on my shoulders all day without tiring me out. 

Just so you don't think I am a total pop-corn movie junkie, I also loved The Spectacular Now which I don't think anyone else on earth saw. It's about a boy and girl, approaching the end of high school and the boys refusal to grow up and face adulthood. It's charming and entertaining and has some great, believable performances. And it has Kyle Chandler as a dead beat, which is always fun to see. 

Also on the list: Frozen, The Conjuring and Gravity. Thus concludes the list of every movie I saw this year. 

Patrick:

Admittedly, I'm the dad of two kids under four.  So it's gotta go to Frozen.  But my reasoning is shallow and selfish: One, there is some mean singing in this show...B'way Style...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk 

I love Belle from B&tB, but Idina would eat her for breakfast. 

Also, I love Kristen Bell, but only really because of Ronnie Mars...but I thought she was real good and had to sing next to Idina Menzel and so she did.

I did see 12 Years a Slave...it was heart breaking and too much for me to take ever again...but you should see it.  It's real and painful, a true story and one we should remember.  The movie is hard to watch for all the reasons you think it will be, but the amount of time spent beautifully dragging out things that were dragged out in real life is so powerful and effective.

One more thing:  The best thing on Netfix right now is: Black Fish.  

I don't know what happened but this Documentary about the Killer Whale that killed that trainer at SeaWorld...and ultimately it's about SeaWorld its self rocked me to my core. It made me question how I treat my dog.  It's only an hour and 20 mins and everyone should watch it...though it would put SeaWorld out of business..but it would create a booming whale watching business where we all take our kids to see these incredible (smarter then human...they have an extra part in their brain) animals in their natural habitat.    

Brett:

If I go off of pure event film experiences, I'm with Ken. It's got to be Gravity. I saw it in IMAX 3D and it completely engrossed me.

But overall, I think I still have to go with A Place Beyond the Pines for the top honor. It's different than anything I've seen because of the way the stories are told. The soundtrack was hauntingly juxtaposing. Great performances from Gosling and Cooper. The story really hit me where my longing for past youth and freedom intersects with the honor and pride of fatherhood.

Another one of my favorites was World War Z. My favorite action movie of the year so far. And that's what it is. Don't be fooled. It's a political action thriller. Not a zombie movie. It launches you right in with one of the most gripping first 20 minutes ever and then takes you on an exploratory journey of moral, political, domestic, and ethical considerations. If you've read the book, it's not the book. But it still does the flavor of the book justice.

Honorable mentions: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Saving Mr. Banks, American Hustle, The World's End, The Conjuring, The Heat, Anchorman 2, The Saratov Approach, Byzantium, and Frances Ha.

2013 Best Books!

So I am so glad to share with you what we think are the best books of 2013...not that they were published in 2013, but that we read in 2013.

PATRICK:

These are the books you should read this year. I don't want to spoil them or give you too much...so I'll give you a picture, and the feeling of the book, then it's up to you.

Night Film 

by: Marisha Pessl

SUPER DUPER SCARY.

The Night Circus

by: Erin Morgenstern

So evoking, imaginative, dark and magical.

The Ocean At The End Of The Lane

by: Neil Gaiman

Sort of Dark...sort of, Pretty...sort of, a coming of age story...sort of, beautiful...not sort of.

Where'd You Go, Bernadette

by: Maria Semple

Uh SO GOOD! Funny. Fun. Read it.

CHRIS:

I'm always such a curmudgeon about books. I can't get into fiction. I try all the time, and my 2014 resolution is to try harder. But I did read some fantastic non-fiction this year:

 1. The City of Falling Angels, by John Berendt. The mysterious burning of the Fenice Opera House in Venice. 

2. The Searchers: The Making of an American Legend, by Glenn Frankel. The making of the 1956 John Ford western, as well as the controversial story that inspired it.

3. Majestie, by David Teems. A fascinating and witty look at the king behind the King James Bible.

4. Spook, by Mary Roach. Written by the same author as Stiff, here she looks at ghosts, paranormal activity, and the afterlife. You know I love that stuff.

5. Untouchable, by Randall Sullivan. The strange, strange life and tragic, tragic death of Michael Jackson.

6. Alix and Nicky, by Virginia Rounding. A dramatic and intense look at the last Tsar and Tsarina of Russia.

But, and this will shock my PTA mates, I did read a little fiction!

1. The Apostle, by Sholem Asch (Because I played Paul for the New Testament series and I needed to know what he was about.)

2. Ragtime, by EL Doctorow (Because I directed it.)

3. Hawaii, by James Michener (Because I went there and I fell in love with it.)

JOSH:

I think I've already written about 7 posts with book recommendations this year, so I'll keep it simple. When I peruse my Goodreads list of books I've read, one really jumped out at me as a book that made me think and haunted me for weeks after I read it and it was...

 The Tree House by Douglas Thayer. Doug Thayer was a writing professor at BYU, and while I never took a class from him I did take a couple from his wife. This book is the story of a mormon boy growing up in Provo, Utah around the time of World War II. It's not preachy or didactic at all, even though it is clearly about mormonism and missionaries. The protagonist, Harris is interesting and noble but also flawed and realistic. It's truly a masterwork. 

Honorable Mention goes to Dracula by Bram Stoker. What? You've never heard of it? Yes, I'm sure you already knew this book was great. But I have a "condition" I like to call the "Dawson's Creek Syndrome" which means that I have a hard time consuming any media that was produced before 1998. I just can't read Jane Austen. Or Dickens. Or watch Bringing Up Baby even though Chris tried to make me and all I remember is that Katherine Hepburn was born on the side of a hill and I think there was a dinosaur. Or is that a totally different movie from the 80s called baby about people who raise a brontosaurus? I don't know. But my point is is that this October I listened to the audiobook of Dracula (read by Alan Cumming and Tim Curry and many more) and it was spooky and smart and terrifying and amazing. I loved it.

And my guilty pleasure was The Memory of Light by Brandon Sanderson and Robert Jordan. I wrote about this series (The Wheel of Time) last year which I started reading when I was 15 years old. The Memory of Light was the conclusion and it was everything the finale to a big, giant, epic fantasy series should be. Satisfying, exciting, question-answering and emotional. I loved it. I want to read it again.

BRETT:

Of the books I read this year, here are the best and/or most impactful/memorable of the list:

Pronto by Elmore Leonard

I love the TV show "Justified" so I wanted to trace the character roots of Raylan Givens to his origination. This is the first book the marshal appears in and it's quite entertaining if you like books about Florida, the Mob, double-deals, Italy, and ... Federal Marshals who are flawed and brilliant. I guess you could list this as my Guilty Pleasure.

“She wondered what he looked like with his hat off and wondered again if he knew he was funny.” 

Dust and Shadow: An Account of the Ripper Killings by Dr. John H. Watson by Lyndsay Faye

Ever since I first heard about Jack the Ripper, I've been fascinated with the story and maddened by the fact that it remains unsolved. I've also admired the character Sherlock Holmes and his incomparable brilliance. Naturally, then, this book—where Holmes is enlisted to help solve the Ripper case—was perfect for me in many ways.

"Besides, Watson,” he added, with a glint of humor in his grey eyes, “you, after all, are a man of the world. We must put your skills to use, for there is no greater tragedy on God's green earth than that of untapped talent.” 

No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy

I'd seen the movie and the book still got my heart racing. There's something about the suspense that this book creates, even if you already know the ending. And that ending. Reading it makes so much more sense than the movie. So glad I read it.

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” 

City of Thieves by David Benioff

I tried to read it once and stopped 10 minutes into it. I came back to it and it hooked me. Something about two young WWII-era Russians sent on an impossible mission behind enemy lines that makes you thankful for central heating.

“The fire was silent, the little houses collapsing into the flames without complaint, flocks of sparks rising to the sky. At a distance it seemed beautiful, and I thought it was strange that powerful violence is often so pleasing to the eye...”

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

It's a beast. It's so wide. Vast. There is so much happening and so many characters to love and to hate. And all the while you're being pelted with bits of useful philosophy you can use in your own life. I've never read anything like it.

“You can be shaped, or you can be broken. There is not much in between. Try to learn. Be coachable. Try to learn from everybody, especially those who fail. This is hard. ... How promising you are as a Student of the Game is a function of what you can pay attention to without running away.” 

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

This book. My eye sockets were red and dry after this thing got done with me. This may sound dramatic but it's an experience that I can't really put into words. If you think you've seen all you can see or read about WWII, then read this.

“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.” 

The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell

If you fancy yourself a storyteller, this is required reading. But it's also just packed with wisdom.

“I don't think there is any such thing as an ordinary mortal. Everybody has his own possibility of rapture in the experience of life. All he has to do is recognize it and then cultivate it and get going with it. I always feel uncomfortable when people speak about ordinary mortals because I've never met an ordinary man, woman, or child.” 

The Brothers K by David James Duncan

At the top of the list of my favorite books. It's funny. It's tragic. It's infuriating. It's brilliant. It's about a family that, by the end, becomes as real as any family you've ever known. That's perfect writing.

“I wish there really was such a thing as a Time-Clock Puncher, though. I wish some gigantic, surly, stone-fisted Soap Mahoney-type guy went around the world smashing every clock in sight till there weren't any more and people got so confused about when to go to the mill or school or church that they gave up and did something interesting instead.” 

KEN:

I am not as well read as Brett. Or anybody else reading this. Though I probably read more contemporary fiction this year than ever before.

I really enjoyed John Green's The Fault in Our Stars. John Green is just a clever, clever writer. While reading it I just kept thinking, "How did he come up with THAT line" or "That's movie dialogue, right there." I cast the movie in my mind while I read it. I appreciated the humor with with which he approached this heart-wrenching subject of youth with cancer. It was really a wonderful read.

The book that stayed with me for some time after I read it, however, was M.L. Stedman's The Light Between Oceans. It was the last few pages of this book that just wrecked me. The description on the inside of the book: 

After four harrowing years on the Western Front, Tom Sherbourne returns to Australia and takes a job as the lighthouse keeper on Janus Rock, nearly half a day’s journey from the coast. To this isolated island, where the supply boat comes once a season, Tom brings a young, bold, and loving wife, Isabel. Years later, after two miscarriages and one stillbirth, the grieving Isabel hears a baby’s cries on the wind. A boat has washed up onshore carrying a dead man and a living baby.

Tom, who keeps meticulous records and whose moral principles have withstood a horrific war, wants to report the man and infant immediately. But Isabel insists the baby is a “gift from God,” and against Tom’s judgment, they claim her as their own and name her Lucy. When she is two, Tom and Isabel return to the mainland and are reminded that there are other people in the world. Their choice has devastated one of them.