You guys, I recently had the opportunity to be in two different commercials. So I should probably quit my day job so I can have a more flexible schedule to practice, you know, my "craft." Right? Let's first watch the commercials and then discuss together how I actually, probably, should not do that.
Yep, that's Utah Community Credit Union. I feel a particular loyalty, since they gave me my first car loan right after Katie and I were married. Our first big purchase! And UCCU was there for us. A single tear rolls down. Also, this shoot was great because I got a free lunch at The Melty Way! Guys, the perks of being a movie commercial star principal are pretty awesome.
The second commercial was for Baja Broadband. It was freezing outside, but that's not what I'll take away from this experience. No. What I'm taking away from this is that I am 42 and my wife in the commercial is … 23. And she's from England! I don't know what this is supposed to say about my character in the commercial. I'm guessing this is a second marriage for him. He's had a midlife crisis. He's super wealthy, guys. And he doesn't put up with other men ogling his wife. That's what I decided when I was doing a deep study of my character and what his motivation would be. I hope it comes through in the commercial.
You may have heard that Google Fiber recently arrived in Provo, Utah. If you want to know what exactly that means, read this short article by my friend and yours, Christian Faulconer (the David Letterman of Provo), who actually toured the Google Fiber facility.
My home was officially Google Fibered last week, so I'm a fan. But I'm probably also inclined because our family got to be a part of the ad campaign! And now, since you didn’t ask, I’d like to give you some “Behind the Scenes” of the Google ad. Some “The Making Of” goodies. Some DVD bonus features.
It all started when Google decided they needed a gi-normous family, in order to back up their slogan for Provo: Bigger Broadband for Bigger Families. Yup. That’s us. We are officially a family of 10. But at the time of filming, back in December 2013, we were still getting used to our size, as Hillary had been born only 3 weeks earlier. And it was mid-December with Christmas fast approaching. So, not to brag, but, you know...we were kind of out of our minds and barely keeping it together.
For example, I remember one Sunday morning my 8 year old came into my room to tell me he was ready for church. Judging by his pants, he was either anticipating a flood, or had grown 5 inches overnight. His white shirt - his white short-sleeve shirt in 22 degree weather - looked like it had been wadded up in a tennis-ball container since summer. His hair looked like it was in a fight with itself. We locked eyes, and without blinking, I said, “Lookin’ good, bud; go get in the car.”
So, back to our story, the ad folks from Google came out from San Francisco and showed up at our house the day before filming, so they could do that thing where directors make their fingers into squares so they have a “camera view” as they scan the area for what they plan to film. They were super nice and friendly and encouraging - which is how they tricked us into going through the hassle of taking down our Christmas decorations for the commercial.
The day of the shoot, two different crews were there from 9:30 a.m. to about 4:30 p.m. The morning was for the film crew who rearranged the house, set up lighting, wardrobe, make-up, etc. Meanwhile, I went to work for a couple of hours and came home around 11:00 a.m. When I pulled up to the house, it was a complete and awesome spectacle. I had to park down the street, as my house was surrounded by trucks, cars, and equipment. The garage was full of racks of clothing and craft services. I so badly wanted to know what the neighbors thought was going on.
I walked in the front door, and in addition to my family, the house was buzzing with another 25 people. The furniture was different, lights were everywhere, a woman I didn’t recognize walked by holding Lucy, my two-year old, and they were deep in conversation. Then I saw somebody I knew - my five-year old, Becca. She was already in new wardrobe and make-up, and my goodness - she was gorgeous. She looked like a movie star. She hugged my legs, careful not to wipe her lip gloss on my pants.
Our master bedroom had been converted into “the changing room,” and our daughters’ room had become “hair and make up,” with several salon chairs. Some poor man almost lost his mind trying to figure out if all the kids had been through both rooms and were ready. The house sounded like a dinner party and smelled like coffee. I met the creative director and account executive from the ad agency and part of the team from Google. Lots of handshakes, lots of “thank yous” ... they were really warm and lovely people. Full of genuine compliments about how great my children were. (And if you ever want to win somebody over, tell a dad that his kids are amazing.)
First we shot our portion of the commercial. That’s Katie and Garren at the kitchen table on a tablet - they are supposed to be doing homework, but they’re watching Thor 2 trailers. Then there’s Abbie on the laptop, emailing friends. And that’s Tanner, running from the kitchen to the couch, to join the rest of us who were watching The Avengers on a TV that isn't ours, but the kids desperately hoped was one of the perks of the job. So most of us just had to sit there, acting natural. (Hillary nailed it.) Except Tanner. He and the director had a special relationship. It went like this: The director would say, “Just one more time, Tanner.” And Tanner would whisper to me under his breath, “I just want to watch the movie.” This happened 23 times. He was a trooper.
Then we all broke for lunch. The film crew packed out their gear, and the stills crew packed in theirs. The producers materialized the most delicious craft services, but they also ordered a bunch of pizzas for my kids. My kids loved them for this.
Everybody was so kind. They interacted with my kids, we all told stories, they asked about my career and our family. It was clear that minds were blown and pants were pooped by the fact that we had 8 children and yet we were magically void of any meltdowns, spills, injuries, or wardrobe malfunctions. The gods of advertising smiled on us that day.
Then they took a family photo of us.
Then we did a photo shoot in our kitchen. Katie was in the front, holding a frame where the gifted designers would later superimpose our new family photo. Behind Katie were all our children - a mix of baking, cleaning, and playing with electronics. And that is the billboard currently making the scene all over Provo.
As the day was wrapping up the delightful wardrobe lady came over and told me that she was going to leave us the wardrobe used for the shoot. Awesome! Then they told us they were leaving the rest of the craft services with us because nobody wanted to haul the food away. Dinner is served! And the photographer said they would make sure we got the family photo. Christmas in December!
Then, my favorite part. The gentleman from Google came over to me and said, “I’ve been watching your kids all day. My wife and I have an 18-month old...and we plan to have more. I watch your kids and I get excited - thinking of my children being as good of friends as yours are.” And as fun and exhausting as the entire day was - that was the moment when my day was made. Yes, we are a big family. Yes, that often means things aren’t on time or wrinkle-free or at a low volume. But sometimes, against all odds, it means maybe you get to be a force for good in the world.
(Warning: Don't watch this if you hate happiness, family, or juice.)
One of my absolute favorite things about being a dad right now is that I can feel these genuine friendships blossoming with my children as they get older.
I love being a dad. I’m not minimizing the hard stuff. Sleep deprivation. The fact that any “personal” belongings are actually viewed as “communal” by anybody under 48.” Hoping your sarcastic remark didn’t do any permanent self-worth damage. And don't forget the weight of perpetual hope that you are somehow instilling every needful virtue, encouragement, and compassion directly into their souls.
But I think some of my very happy moments lately are when I feel them looking at me like a friend. Still the dad. Still the mentor, or the referee, keeping things in bounds. But also...we’re friends. We have inside jokes. We listen to each others opinions. We’re vulnerable with each other and tell embarrassing stories. We share spiritual experiences. We do impressions of people. (Not of you, but of other people.) Together, we hate the dog that keeps pooping in our front yard. We get excited about going to the Creamery for ice cream, or when we see a preview for a movie that completely blows our minds.
I’m not doing everything right. But when my daughter is telling me a story and throws in a made up accent because she knows I’ll “get it” and laugh - or when my son is running off to play with friends and invites me to come with him - I feel like I’m doing something right. I feel surrounded by friends within the walls of my home.
So here's a little commercial I made that is making the rounds on TV. I shot it a few weeks ago, and it was directed by my friend Daryn Tufts. You know Daryn as Clarence in "Stalking Santa," the movie your parent's "didn't get" and which "wasn't as cute as the box made it look." Daryn is also responsible for casting me in everything he does, and I take this responsibility VERY SERIOUSLY so he has to, too.
Anyway. It was a fun shoot, and just half a day. But here are a few "behind the scenes" pieces of trivia!
We shot this in a house in SLC. The family was absent for the day except for a teenage kid who came home from school, scowled, and hid upstairs with video games.
The clients were worried about my beard. They almost didn't hire me. Daryn and I had to convince them that it was more "hipster" than "homeless." In the end, though, the client was right! I look homeless.
The beagle on my lap was super cute. He farted a little, but who doesn't? He nailed that yawn on his second take. He was really professional. He kind of has dog cancer, so he had a patch of shaved hair on his back. But don't worry, his prognosis is really good. He'll be yawning on couches and farting into laps for years to come.
The lady who supplied the puppies was probably twice as animated as they were. She loved those puppies! She kept bragging about how obedient and cute they were, but they were neither obedient or cute. I thought they smelled bad. And when the director would yell action they would just run off the set. (I know actors like that, too) Anyway, Daryn smeared chicken bits all over my bare chest and in my beard and it worked! The puppies went nuts. What you are seeing in this commercial is nine little puppies literally biting my chest and pulling my beard hair out! Hardest acting I've done in some time. It hurt. If you watch the commercial you'll see a wet spot on my shirt where they stuffed some wet, stringy chicken.
Commercials like this are shot in about four hours. Daryn is pretty great at keeping things moving. In fact, Lisa and Phoebe shot a commercial like this one just before I did. The best part of the day is free lunch. I never want it to end!
So, I've been watching Project Runway on Hulu...and here's the problem with Hulu: If you are gonna make me watch commercials on the TV that I am purposely NOT watching on my real TV so I won't have to watch commercials, at least let me watch more then just one commercial over and over and over and over. Honestly, even regular TV mixes it up a bit, but if you watch a show on Hulu they tell you at the beginning this show is brought to you by The Chevy Volt and then you get the same Chevy Volt commercial every commercial break! It's almost enough to make me not want to buy a Chevy Volt even though if did, I would never have to buy gas again! AND I HATE TO BUY GAS! It seems like the people who are smart enough to stream all my favorite shows straight to my computer would be savvy enough to figure a way for me to, at the very least, watch a different commercial at each break. Also, don't ask me to participate in the commercials. Like when they ask me to choose my Ad Experience, just so you know Hulu, I have left the room for every commercial break. I don't watch any of them so don't ask me to pick anything. It's like I'm at a dinner theater and actors have descended from the stage in their tights and fake accents and are asking me to " 'elp them ough wiv de plot" in someway. Blach. You just do what you gotta do and I'll just watch...and by watch, I mean leave the room...cause I don't watch commercials.
That being said, here are three commercials that I was forced to watch on Hulu and I love them so much that I thought I would make you watch them even though you have chosen not to watch TV but to read your favorite blog...which now has commercials. I love them in descending order as shown below. Enjoy.
The Spit One:
The Hamster One:
The Funniest One:
Funny?! Well, I thought so but when I went over to steal them from Youtube there was almost 400 "Dislikes" for the last one. Maybe it's controversial? You tell me. All I'm saying is I can't remember the last time spaghetti sauce has made me laugh.
We'd love to hear you thoughts. Also we would love you to click anyone of the ad's on this page...well not the ones I posted but the other ones. That way we can taylor you ad experience here on Part Time Authors. Because that's what we do here. So "Gaow On! Push de but-tan Guv-nar!"
This past weekend was General Conference, and I'm not going to assume you aren't Mormon by explaining what that is. Even if you live in Brunei or wherever. Just google it. Anyway, it's basically church on TV and we get to do it twice a year. But the conference sessions come in two hour blocks with a two hour break between them, in which we get to watch documentaries about church members in Africa and people who make pioneer movies. And in between those shows we get a smattering of commercials, all of which are local and/or LDS based. This year was an exciting conference in the Clark household, because my wife Lisa and I crowned ourselves the King and Queen of Conference Commercials!
Lisa's been all over the place lately, but you couldn't have failed to notice her as Cindy, the protagonist of this Deseret Book commercial:
Lisa does a really nice job here. She really glows, even with that painful back! Ouch. I've been there. For real, Cindy, pace yourself with those books. Get a life! Maybe one book at a time? That's my motto. And all those Mormon books? For reals? You know she's got Fifty Shades of Grey tucked in there somewhere - we're all human.
Then, just when you feel like you've learned your lesson about bulky book bags, here comes me to teach you about food storage!
Let me tell you something. I was with those animals for six hours. They smelled super bad and one of the chickens bit me. There's a huge horse in the back, but you can't really see him. He would freak out about every four minutes and start to stamp and kick. So we took lots of breaks. The cows were super nice. I guess the point I'm making is that Lisa got a nice warm set with calming music and soft lighting and I got the underground bunker with the crazypants pony. But I don't bite the hand that feeds me! I was happy for the work.
These commercials played sporadically throughout conference, and we always knew when one was on because our phones would blow up. But the ultimate stroke was just after the final conference session, when these two commercials played back to back! And that was when I think the general public finally came to realize that the perky bookworm from Deseret Book was totally hooking up with the paranoid nerd from Honeyville. A match made in heaven! Or, in this case, conference.
