Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Alright, what?! Mind your own business!!

If you are an avid reader of PTA (and if you're reading today, who's to say you don't read everyday...which is avid) you will recall that two weeks ago I pledged a pledge to run every day for a month starting April 1st.

Well, the following is my list of excuses:

1- I hate to run.  I know that this was the point of my pledge, that I hate to run and all my runner friends say it's super easy you just have to keep with it and then someday you'll love it, but it turns out my hate of the thing is the reason I can't do it...I should have seen that coming but didn't.

2- Running hurts. One of Lindsay's students described it as Cayenne Pepper in your lungs. Apt.  And remember when Josh told me that April would be a great month to run cause it's just so damn nice?!  Well, I was literally sloshing threw rain at 5:15 in the morning and I wanted to run to his house and kill him...though, I'm sure he wouldn't have been there cause he was off doing cartwheels because after you're a runner you move on to the next step, cartwheels...up hill.

3- When?! The hardest thing besides running was to find the time.  I tried to get up before the sun and run and it was actually just fine in the morning, but then around 6:00 in the evening I would lay down where ever I was and go to sleep, as I had been up for 13 hours and spent the first one running for my life in pouring rain....cause it's April.

4- I now can't breath doing things that were once easy.  So since I became a Runner (capital R) I have developed this deep wheeze that shows up whenever I go up stairs or run to catch an elevator or flee from predators.  I didn't have this before and it's the running's fault. or the rain. or the cold.  or the cold I got from running in the rain.

5-Screw it!  There is a moment in every runners life where you make the choice, 'You can either push on and run it out, or be fat.'  I have seriously decided on the latter.  I am sorry for my wife, she would have enjoyed my runners body, but instead she'll have to accept the fact she legally bound herself to a kind and gentle flesh-bean-bag man.  Could be worse, I could be a pro bowler...no offense.

Here's what I learned:

I did get sore.  My legs felt like jell-o when I was done and the next day they felt like Ken Doll legs, but I did push through it and the soreness gave way and I was able to run every day...for four days, then the rain, then Sunday, then Monday, then just never wanting to run again.

All in all I ran 6 out of the 10 days. I have a good play list out of it...except now I hate every song on it...what am I saying, I hate the first 4 songs, I don't even know what comes after Eminem's 'Love the Way You Lie' remix. Nor do I know what the orignal song sounds like...is it a waltz?

And so I'm sorry.  I failed.  And who cares.  I am just one of gazillions who tried to run and abhorred it with the white hot intensity of ten thousand suns. However, I still want that runners body...join in next week when I dive in head first to the newest and most controversial fad weight loss gimmick, even writing it feels better then that time I wrote, 'I'm gonna run.'

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