Wednesday, January 2, 2013

my les mis review!

The people from Guinness just called to let me know that I am now, officially, the last human being alive who  has not seen the new Les Miserables movie. Are you surprised? I am. I thought I would have seen it a week ago. But truth be told, the holidays were busy and I only got one night off to see a movie, and I chose Django Unchained, which was amazing and which I do not regret.

Luckily, 4000 of my dearest friends, relatives, and neighbors saw it and everyone seemed super excited weigh in on Facebook. I know you know what I'm talking about. Did you hear the people sing? Facebook exploded in reds and blacks last week, and everyone seemed to have an opinion crying out to share. So, having thoroughly read them all, I would like to now write for you my own review of Les Miserables, based on everything I heard and read last week.

Les Miserables is sweeping and epic! It will seriously blow your mind. Take whatever expectations you had, double them, and prepare to be blown out of your seat. Except it's not as good as I expected. In fact, it was weird seeing it on screen. It doesn't really work as a movie; they should have left it on stage! I hate when Hollywood comes along, steals a Broadway classic, and tries to make a film out of it. You just can't capture theatrical magic.

I thought the singing was amazing. I'm so glad they cast actors who can ACTUALLY sing! Except most of them. I thought some of them were fine, but a few of them were way off! They couldn't hold a note in a bucket if they had to. Why does Hollywood keep casting these people who can't sing and expect us to like it? I hate when people can't sing. I actually loved how the director had the actors singing live! What a cool idea. Except it didn't really work. Everyone talked through their songs and nobody sang! WTF?

Hugh Jackman was amazing. His voice was incredible. Except it was a little nasal and I got tired of it halfway through. I liked his make-up a lot. They made him get older! Anne Hathaway was INCREDIBLE. She'll get an Oscar for sure. She was by far the strongest performance in the show. But I thought she pushed it a little. She was trying way too hard. Sometimes she cried too much. Good try, Anne Hathaway! Amanda Seyfried was perfect for Cosette, she sings like a tweety bird. Eddie Redmayne shakes his jaw too much. I loved Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter as the Thenardiers! They were so over the top! I loved it. Except I feel like they were holding back. They could have gone way farther with it. Why so subtle? And so gross! Could you believe how gross they were? It was way worse than it was onstage. They could have gone way farther.

(At this point I reveal that no one, NO ONE, said one word about Eponine. I can't review her. Literally nobody has mentioned her. Was she in it?)

Russell Crowe was the WORST part of this movie. I liked the whole thing except Russell Crowe. He can't sing and he was just all growly the whole time. I thought he did a beautiful job showing the hidden pain of Javert, though. And I liked how he kept his character so militant and controlled. He's such a fantastic actor. Too bad he's the worst part of this movie and I don't even want to think about how bad he was! He did an OK job, though.

Basically, to recap, Les Miserables is amazing and sweeping and you will cry. You will cry and cry and cry. It will move you! It didn't move me at all, but that's just how I am. I like the stage play way better. The movie will change your life, though. Honestly. You won't stop thinking about it for days. Unless you are thinking about how disappointed you were. You might like it. It's pretty good. It was way better when my high school did it.

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