Thursday, January 3, 2013

Confessions: I Lie Sometimes

With the start of the new year, I feel like I need to get a few things off my chest. You see, it turns out I am a bit of a liar. Not a big one. I don't cheat on my taxes or tell people that I am 5'3". But there are a few things that I feel like I should come clean about.

It all started when I was at work the other day. I have an enormously powerful sweet tooth, so when I packed my lunch I had filled a little Tupperware with fresh berries and Cool Whip. (I'm all for actual whipped cream, but there is something delightful about that sweet, room-temperature, stable, vegetable-oil foam.) Berries and Cool Whip is not actually all that bad for you (if you are just looking at calories) so some berries mixed with the Whip isn't too unhealthy of a snack. But when one of my other manager walked into the break room and asked what I was eating I instinctively said "Yogurt and raspberries." Because suddenly I felt sheepish about eating a big bowl of cool whip. I don't know why - it just came out without thought. It made me think about what other little lies I told for the sake of making myself seem more cool or worldly. So in the spirit of disclosure, here they are:

1. When people ask what I studied in college I say "English, with a creative writing emphasis." I guess it sounds more bourgeois and interesting than just English. Well, I had no creative writing emphasis. I just was a straight up English major. I did take some creative writing classes. Most of the time I didn't even do anything creative. I just turned in stuff I had written for other creative writing classes. That was sort of my MO in college. So, no, I didn't sit in hip cafes and write amazing poems and compelling short stories. I just read (or pretended to read) lots of books.

2. I read a lot of Young Adult novels. I do it because I love young adult novels. I think they are clever and well written and have great stories and characters. And if you are an adult male reading Harry Potter you are good. But if you are a 30 year old and you are reading The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making, then it seems a little weird. (Great book, BTW. My review here.) So when people ask what kind of books I like reading and I say Young Adult, I usually follow it up with "I am writing a Young Adult novel, so I like to see what is going on in the genre." That is kind of true. I am "writing" a young adult novel (I have about 4 pages so far.) But that isn't why I read young adult novels. I don't get myself - I am not at all ashamed to admit that I watch America's Next Top Model but I get embarrassed when I tell people I am reading Delirium (also a great read.) So there you have it. I am a YA reader.

3. I didn't like Battlestar Gallactaca. There I said it. Sci-Fi. Critically acclaimed. Cult following. It seems tailor maid for me. But I couldn't get into it. I'm sorry. But if someone professes their love for BSG I just smile and say "Yeah!" like I am totally in on the joke. I sort of feel the same way about Dr. Who. It's kind of required if you are a geek like me to LOVE Dr. Who, but until about a year ago I didn't know a Tardis from a Dalek. I do enjoy Dr. Who, but I have watched about a total of 10 episodes in my life. (I'm working my way through the first season on Netflix. It's one of my resolutions.)

4. I like Country Music. I like to pretend I just like alt-country, what with my Mumford and Sons and my Civil Wars. But sometimes I also listen to Reba and Brad Paisley. They make me happy.

5. I'm not excited about the Arrested Development relaunch on Netflix. Again, I understand as a young, 30 something person, I am supposed to think Arrested Development was the greatest thing since Jesus. And I did love it and laugh heartily at Bob Loblaw. But I believe in letting shows that are canceled die in dignity. Sure I was sad to see AD go, but it made room for Community and Parks and Recreation and New Girl which have all made me laugh just as much. It's like how I was bummed when Buffy the Vampire Slayer got canceled, but then I found Veronica Mars and I was OK. There is a season for everything - a time to be a hit, and a time to be canceled. And when a show gets canceled and everyone  starts talking about making it a movie and moving it to a new network it makes me nervous. Just let it go. I'm sure this AD relaunch will be hilarious and delightful, but I am wary.

5. I'm really 5'3. I wear really tall shoes.

There. I feel better.
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