Wednesday, December 12, 2012

a gift for me

I have been charged with sharing Christmas gift ideas this week. It's a little complicated for me, though, because I don't like Christmas gifts all that much.

I'm not sure what it is, but something about getting Christmas presents makes me uncomfortable. I feel weird that someone bought something for me and is desperately hoping I will like it. I always wonder if I showed enough love or appreciation for the present. If it's a toy, did the person see me playing with it for an adequate time? If it's clothes, did the person see me get excited and put it on? Or wear it around hip and awesome places? If it's a book, should I tell the person that I don't love reading fiction? If it's music, should I tell the person I probably already have it? If it's expensive, do I immediately feel the ensuing guilt of realizing that the gift I bought them was a fraction of the cost?

Of course there's also the possibility that the person doesn't really care about the present they bought me. Maybe they drew my name out of a hat or something. When I draw a name out of a hat it's a really last minute present. Last Christmas I gave my sister-in-law Gina a kit to scare off her husband's stalker (true story) and it took some real planning and creativity, but that was a rare effort for me. Most times I buy a few gift cards, go away, and sin no more.

It's not that I hate Christmas. I love Christmas! I just feel a little meh about presents. I would rather give you a special hug and share some hot toddy. I like parties and friends and food. That's what Christmas means to me! Also Mariah Carey songs.

So if you want to give me a gift for Christmas, I would love something cheap and homemade. It would mean everything to me. Don't buy me junk. I don't need it. And what I do need, I'll probably buy myself. Consider the following:

1. Write me a letter and list the things you like about me, with four or five things you would like me to change.

2. Knit me a hat (any color) (but don't put silly things on it like fake eyes or patches)

3. Give me a head massage (30 minutes minimum)

4. Make me a batch of popcorn or a box of donuts

5. Come over to my house and play a special song on your musical instrument while I lay under the Christmas tree.

I think these are all doable. Please consider them. Or something like them. This goes for you too, Lisa. Although you can be a little more "creative" with your presents. I think you know "what I mean." In case you don't, I think I mean something a little more "sexy."

Happy homemade Christmas!!!! And remember, the Baby Jesus never asked for an ipad. And the wise men never gave him one. And all the angels still sang.
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