This Will Make You Feel Better About Yourself

Last weekend my wife and kids went to Moab without me. I'm in a play right now and wasn't able to go with them because of that and some other commitments. So, I sent them away as I waved from the driveway, knowing they'd have fun and that I'd be alone.

There's a lot I could have done with my alone time. I could have gone to some movies in a theater, taken a shot at making our crap yard look a little better, hung out in my underwear, visited friends and family in the area, or made the world better. I did not do those things.

Here is a list of what I did do last weekend from 2 p.m. Saturday until 11:30 p.m. Sunday night so you can feel better about yourself or envy me for how much media homework I got done.

• Did one load of laundry and folded another.
• Cleaned the kitchen.
• Did the dishes.
• Played Mortimer in Hale Center Theater Orem's production of Arsenic and Old Lace.
• BBQ'd a bison steak.
• Taught Primary.
• Walked the dogs.
• Convicted a shark of murder.
• Watched the following films or TV shows on the television in my home:
• The Werewolf of London
• The Last Man on Earth
• Season of the Witch
• Film Noir Collection: Detour
• 3 episodes of Breaking Bad
• 2 episodes of Torchwood
• 1 episode of Alphas
• 3 episodes of Suits
• 3 episodes of Falling Skies
• (That's roughly 12.5 hours worth)
• Played some FIFA 12, SvZ Def, and Lock n' Roll DX on my iPad
• Took two naps.
• Slept for 9 hours on Saturday night.
• Checked Instagram regularly for photos of my family because I really really missed them.

I Smell a Hit, People!

Last week Josh posted a clip from the new show, Missing, starring Ashley Judd. His perspective on the show: nobody needs this program and the developers of the show have failed.

It got me thinking. Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall in some of those development meetings? Ideas are flying around the room, creativity is flowing, Yes Men are agreeing with whatever their boss seems to think, egos are ballooning…I think I would watch a TV show about people developing TV shows! And if they were clearly misguided ideas? Why, I think that would be even more entertaining.

For example, I would love to have watched that auspicious network meeting over 30 years ago when they were brainstorming for a new, brilliant small-screen phenomenon…

VP of CBS Development (Played in my mind by Charlton Heston): Gentlemen, we need a show for the 8 o’clock time slot. Something that will appeal to men who spend gobs of money and happen to currently be stuck in arrested development. Bruce, whatta ya got?

Bruce: Yeah, how about a private investigator?

VP: Nice. All men wish they could be dangerous. What else? Hal?

Hal: Well, we could film it in Hawaii?

VP: Perfect. Every man wishes he lived in Hawaii. Nick?

Nick: How is a private investigator going to afford living in Hawaii?

Hal: We could have him live for free on an estate. That way he has no real adult responsibilities. Not even a mortgage.

VP: I likey. Nick, you’re fired, unless you get with the program.

Nick: We could have the owner of the estate give him a Ferrari to use at his leisure?

VP: Nick, you’re a beautiful man. That’s genius. Now I want a Ferrari.

Hal: Also, he should have a mini-fridge that is endlessly full of cold beer.

Bruce: Also, this guy is going to be able to get any woman he wants. A new one every week, since he won’t ever really be involved in any kind of relationship that requires maturity, sacrifice, compromise, or formal wear.

VP: Of course he is. He’s got an estate, a Ferrari, the coolest job…and what else?

Nick: A mustache?

VP: Bingo. I smell a hit, gentlemen. Nick, go pick me out a Ferrari.

Magnum, P.I.