Brett's Favorite Ken Posts of 2013

Ken. What can I say?

He's probably PTA's most prolific and consistent writer.

Of course, I think everyone on this blog has their moments of staggering genius. It's an honor just to be on here with all of them. Patrick's posts are poetry. Chris is effortlessly funny. Josh tells it like it is and does it with heart.

Ken posts on Monday and always kicks the week off right. But to pick my favorite post(s) of his is like asking Ken to pick his favorite child. I can't do it. I am not lying when I say every single post he writes is great. They are each thought out, funny, touching, and entertaining. I'm lucky if I remember to post something. Not Ken. There he is each week publishing another winner.

So, even though it's really impossible to choose, here are a few of my favorites from Ken this past year:

Rattlin' & Hummin' - "'Are you heading to Salt Lake?' 'Yep,' as he opens his car door. 'Can I ride in your truck?' 'Yep,' as he gets in and spits out his chew. He leans out the window to explain how I can't sit up front because they have some equipment up there. I looked. It was true. They also had some in the back, up against the cab. I threw my bag in the back, and climbed aboard."

Parental Discretion Advised - "You want I should tell you why I was not allowed to watch the Dukes and Boss Hogg squabble over bootlegged moonshine in Hazzard County? 'Because those shows are stupid,' said my dad, laying down the law."

Molokai Style - "When you tell people you lived on Molokai, you get one of two responses. 'Never heard of it' or 'Isn't that where the lepers are?' You are correct on both accounts. For the most part, even people who live on another Hawaiian island raise their eyebrows and are most surprised to hear that there are people alive and well on Molokai."

If You Like Me, Check This Box - "About 25 minutes into every class, I would receive a love note from Katie. As if we were in junior high. They were always thoughtful; but my favorite part was that she would write the note, fold it up, and on the outside of the paper write: 'Pass this note to the handsome, dark-haired man on the front row named Ken.' She would then sneak in the door of this monstrous classroom, tap the suit in the last row, at the top of the stadium-style seating structure, and hand him the note. The guy would read the instructions to pass it down, and he would hand it to the guy in front of him. Down and down. Down and down."

Enjoy these posts once again and here's to a great 2014 on PartTimeAuthors.

My favorite non-PTA blog is ...

Yours!

No, I kid. It's not. I mean, it might be one of my favorites. Are you my wife or one of my 17 friends? Then, yes, your blog is one of my favorite blogs.

Also, did you know that every author here at PTA has their own personal blog (that they rarely update)? They do. You should read them.

Since I can't list all my favorite blogs, and it's impossible to narrow it down to one, I'm going to list three:

1. Amelia Merritt. This is my wife's blog. She's got a gift for telling it like it is, girlfriend. She holds nothing back. It can make people uncomfortable at times, even me, but it's mostly because truth can be awkward. Her posts about her heart failure and pacemaker surgery make me teary-eyed and I already know the story!

2. Modern Mormon Men. I don't just recommend it because I contribute to it often or because Chris and Josh used to. I recommend it because, if you're Mormon, it gives a variety of perspectives on the LDS experience that are hard to find in one place anywhere else. You'll love a lot of it, and you'll disagree with a lot of it. That makes a good blog.

3. Splitsider. The blog/site for comedy nerds and/or geeks. It's for those who enjoy reading funny stuff or thoughts on why stuff is funny (sometimes with scientific proof) or comedy history or comedy pop culture. Is that you? Yes? Then you'll love it! My favorite feature is called Saturday Night's Children: "Saturday Night Live has been home to over a hundred cast members throughout the past 37 years. In our column Saturday Night’s Children, we present the history, talent, and best sketches of one SNL cast member every other week for your viewing, learning, and laughing pleasure."

There you go. I hope this gives you minutes of online reading pleasure. What are your favorite blogs?

Kudos and High Praise

Just for today, please allow me the indulgence of bragging about my friends. Specifically, the rest of the Part Time Authors. I’m kind of proud to know these guys, despite the fact that associating with them is intimidating and talent-wise, I am the slightly-less attractive, nobody’s-favorite guy in every boy band.

 That's me in the middle. 

Blondie on the right, back. 

I'm pretty sure I'm the guy in the back, on the left. 

Let’s go in order of our posting schedule, shall we?

Patrick. (You know him as Tuesdays.)  Did you know Patrick once wrote an off-off- OFF-Broadway musical? Well, me neither! It was called R.R.R.E.D. and it played in L.A. and N.Y. I found this out a few months back. I was so embarrassed I didn't know this earlier! Patrick and I have been good friends for forever! Well, technically, not forever. We hung out a LOT and produced some truly fantastic plays together in the Premortal Life, but then, due to creative differences, we spent the first half of our mortal lives apart. But now…now he is a joy to behold. I love listening to Patrick sing and play the piano. He is tremendously talented and blends comedy and poignancy beautifully.  At Christmastime we heard him perform with his trio, The Tuesday Night Supper Club. It was delightful. My favorite was an original song Patrick wrote about Dancer, the reindeer. It was called “Dancer, the Reindeer.” Or maybe just “Dancer.” Or maybe “Not Prancer.” I’m not sure. Patrick is so artsy, his choices are sometimes confounding. The song has fast become one of my favorites. I don’t want to give it away, but I will say that it is hilarious, and at the exact same time, it will break your heart. I wish the whole world could hear it. Patrick also wrote a song for a play his lovely wife, Lindsay, just produced and directed at BYU. The play was incredible, and so is Lindsay. Together, they are a force to be reckoned with.

Chris. I've known Chris the longest, of all the PTAs. We were friends back in college, before any of us were married and it was not a problem at all to eat a full meal at Village Inn at 2:00 in the morning. And one of my favorite things about Chris, from the first day we were friends, was that he could grow a beard overnight. Well, not really. (He CAN, that’s just not my favorite thing about him.) (It’s my third favorite thing.) Sincerely, it was his creativity and his confidence in building a career where he could specifically use that talent. Chris is a renowned and highly-sought-after director now, and it is my goal to see anything he directs. And regarding his amazingness, you don’t have to take my word for it. The man just swept a national theater award competition, the Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival. You can readall about it right here. He’s kind of a big deal. Congratulations, Chris! I am so pleased, and you absolutely deserve it. 

Josh. Josh is a magnificent storyteller and prolific writer. Conversations with Josh are some of the most entertaining you can ever have. And they are especially delightful if you are eating something – something he himself has made. Once last year, when I was still living in Las Vegas, I came up to Utah for work and Josh invited me over for dinner. I don’t remember the details, but his day ended up not going the way he had planned. So I showed up to eat, and he was frantic, and I was not going to let him off the hook, so he whipped up this dinner, and – I’m not kidding – it was amazing. Like, he didn't have a recipe in front of him, he was just kind of off the hook, “Oh, I made this thing once that I think I can do pretty quick,” and it was like a movie with pots and pans clanking and stirring utensils in them and flames and buzzers going off. And suddenly there was this delicious spinach salad with bacon and I think an egg on noodles and he acted like he needed to apologize and I was like, “Are you KIDDING ME?!” If he had shown up at my house like that and my day had gone like his, then he would have enjoyed a singular bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats. (With toast and a glass of juice, part of a balanced breakfast and/or dinner. I mean, I’m not an animal.) My point, Josh is a fantastic cook; I envy his instincts, and I’m grateful when he shares it with his friends.

Brett. As you read last week, Brett is in a movie! Yeah Brett! I've seen Brett perform, and he is sensational. There is this mountain of creativity percolating in Brett’s mind at all times. He is very still and relaxed on the outside, so as to disguise his genius. Then you are sitting there trying to come up with an idea or a story line or something – and Brett speaks, and he just nails it. Whatever it is. He is a versatile actor and, as it is with Chris, I would try to see whatever production Brett is performing in. 

Thank you for letting me brag about my friends. I just think they deserve great things. 

The 16 Traits to Look for When You Want to Be with Someone Sexy

What a week of LOVE! I will say, on the record, that I love each of my fellow Part Time Authors and their significant others. What stories they have about love. I enjoy hearing them again and again over the years because I'm always so happy and inspired by how their relationships started, grew to what they are today, and continue to grow.

Onto the sexy ...

Finding someone sexy is completely subjective, isn't it? I've seen two people together that I would normally not view as sexy but they sure love each other and probably find one another sexy quite often. So, what is sexy? Are there sexy qualities that sexy mean that someone will sexy like someone else? Why do I sexy care? Sexy.

I think my wife, Amelia, is very sexy so it follows that my definition of it is informed by her and all that she is. This is my tribute to her, really. But I'm sure you've all also wondered what I find sexy. So here it is.

Attractive - Let's get this out of the way first. In order to be sexy, you have to have be at least a little attractive and, to the person you love, they have to think you are unbelievably gorgeous.

Chemistry - It's sexy when someone can finish your ... cake. And sentences.

Sense of Humor - This is the ability to laugh at life and to find comedy funny. Yet, there is a fine line between comedy and tragedy and a sexy person knows the difference. But, if the person can't laugh at themselves, they aren't sexy.

Dorkiness - Generally, nerds aren't sexy. Dorks are. It's sexy to be comfortable enough in your own skin that you can spaz out to a song, make an ugly face at the right time or turn your foot into a life-like puppet. Dorky? Yes, but also super sexy because it shows you are comfortable and confident.

Confidence - Wow. When a person knows who they are, what they want, where they are going and what to do to get there, it's ultra sexy. "For there is nothing either meh or sexy but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare?

Wit/Funny - This is different than a sense of humor because it takes it to the next level. Not only can a sexy person laugh at life but they can make others laugh too. Wit is the older, smarter version of being funny but they are both sexy.

Eyes - If you don't have intriguing eyes or if you don't make eye contact, then you can't be sexy. Sorry. Those with blank, dark soulless eyes need to report to their Lord Satan and leave sexy to those with light and life in their gaze.

Intelligence - When someone knows a lot about something it's quite awesome. It's even more awesome when they're humble about it, open to other ideas, but know they could lick any sonuvaB in the house with their particular smarts. E=mcSexy

Independent - It's really awesome when someone can take care of themselves and their life. They don't necessarily "need" someone as much as they love the things you bring to the relationship that adds to their strengths, making one sexy combination of sexiness.

Vulnerable - Show your layers. Acting like a stone when there are problems or pretending there aren't problems prohibits others from getting to know who you really are. If you let people in, they'll see who you are. That's alluring.

An Interest in Others - Don't always talk about yourself and your problems. It gets old so fast. When you, instead, show interest in others' problems, interests, goals, and then do things to show you listened to them, it shows off your kindness/sexiness.

Loyalty - Just stay faithful. Don't cheat. Stick up for your friends and significant other. Take her/his side often. Invest. Be present.

Courage - This is more than standing up to bullies or going to war. It's waking up, seeing how awful the day could be and forging ahead anyway. When people see you battling your own trials and various inner and outer demons, it's inspiring and attractive.

Conviction - Believe in something. Wishy-washiness isn't cute. "So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor [sexy], I will spew you out of my mouth." - The Bible

Sensitive - Similar to being vulnerable but if you can't cry in front of a person you love, shed a tear at the end of "Ordinary People" or "Glory" or, I don't know, "Toy Story 3," then you are cold and soulless. (Not really, but you get what I mean.)

Selfless - Service is sexy especially when you know the person giving service has a huge mountain of their own problems that they are putting on hold to help others for a bit. When you see someone making an effort on behalf of humankind, I defy you to not find it at least a degree of sexy.

Happy - The most sexy people are the ones that seem to be genuinely happy about life. Not pretending that everything's fine. That's different. People see through that. Also it doesn't mean ALWAYS being happy. It's impossible in life to face some of our challenges and smile but a happy person will persevere and live to smile big another day. Smiling is sexy and happy people smile a lot.

There you have it. Happy Valentines Week. Let me know in the comments what you think is sexy.

Happy Saturday! In case you haven't seen yet, or if you are reading this on Google Reader, please click on over the the site and check out our new design. When Part Time Authors Started almost a year ago, I did the web design myself - which means I took a picture on my phone and then used a bunch of free filters and effects on iPhoto to tweak it. And the old banner served us well, but we felt like it was time to upgrade to something a little more professional. So this time we used a real professional graphic designer and we are really happy with the results.
The new site feels a little sleeker and cleaner. There will be a few more tweaks and changes over the next few weeks so stay tuned. Let us know what you think!

Part Time Authors

…But full-time awesome.

As this is our official “Launch Day,” and presumably more than our wives and mothers are now reading, I’ll make the introductions. The Part Time Authors are, in order of appearance on the blog and in our candid photo: Ken, Patrick, Chris, and Josh.

The four of us in college, where we first met. 

Imagine our embarrassment when we all showed up to Freshmen orientation in the same outfit.

We are contributing authors in a collection of personal essays featured in Tell Me Who I Am, a book that will be published next month.  We are also great friends.

One of the themes of our friendship, along with good food and elaborate lace collars, is storytelling: sharing the stories of our lives. When our families get together, the food sets the stage, but it is the conversation that carries the evening. The stories are usually funny, sometimes poignant, and often bizarre.

Storytelling can also be revealing; especially after midnight and a gallon of horchata. In fact, that is how I heard about the time Chris knocked over a Circle K, Josh threw up on a State Senator, and Patrick entered the Witness Relocation Program. (I think I’m remembering all that right, but you’ll have to ask them.)

The thing is this: Chris, Josh, Patrick and I have these “real jobs” that sometimes get in the way of how we would like to make a living…writing, and tending a goose that lays golden eggs, and also doesn’t need much actual tending and doesn’t poop. But until we can find said goose, we’ll just be “Part Time Authors.”

That’s what I’m hoping this blog will be: a conversation of stories and observations from four friends.