Which Kid Am I Raising?

So my friends little boy...ok he's twelve, broke his nose wrestling.  At first I was not sympathetic, you put you son in a girls swimsuit and make him fight other one-pieced boys getting his nose smashed in is a pretty reasonable result.  But then he had to get surgery and they had to re-break the nose and set it delicately back into place.  He makes it through the surgery just fine and gets home nice and drugged up and the next day he is feeling good and wants to go over to his friends house, which he does and in the first 3 mintes of being there another twelve year old walks up to him and asks, "What happened here?" and slaps his nose. It should have fallen off.  It was only held on by a small bandage and the Dr told him not to do anything to it for a week so it will set back into place.  Then Eddy Haskel comes over and pushes it to the left.  Obviously it was so painful but he was in front of his friends so he fights off tears and calmly calls his mom and says, "I'm done here, could you come pick me up?" Of course he doesn't tell his mother, because she will be mad, either at the friend or him or both (turns out Moms just get mad at themselves for not saying, "No, you just had surgery and your friends are idiots, stay home.") so she finds out when the kids mom texts her this huge apology and offers to pay for any damage done.

So here we are:  On the one hand twelve year olds are dumb and we should know they are dumb and we should put them in boxes with holes until they are...what am I now, 34? Yeah, 34. I should not have to be in a box but they should.

On the other hand, let's imagine the other kids mother.  Twelve years in and she realizes she raised, that kid.  The kid who has such a lack of awareness to walk up to another human being who is bandaged in the face and think, "That's my joke!  I'll swat the freshly BER-OKEN appendage and everyone will think I'm hilarious."

The trouble is... it could have been me.  It could have been anyone of us at that age.  Your desire to be liked far out weighs your desire to be reasonable.

When I was 15 I had a saying, if someone said something or did something that put me down in anyway, I would just shrug it off and say, "Oh, yeah?  Well, you're fat."  Easy. Clear. Final. I would say it to anyone, guys, girls, teachers, strangers. (I had a lot of teacher and strangers putting me down I guess) Well, then I was sitting in English next to Brenda, another 15 year old and she helped me out with my grammer.  I had made such a simple mistake that I thought it was funny.  She wasn't mean in correcting me, on the contrary, she was always real nice to me, which is why I thought it would be real clever if I gave her my signature line.  "Yeah well...you're fat."  And I went back to my paper.  Like, 10 minutes later I notice Brenda quietly shaking in her seat, her wrists limp in her lap, tears sneaking down her face, which was red trying to hold them in.  It actually took me a moment to figure out what had happened, it wasn't until she gently corrected me again, "That was the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me." she said with zero emotion, just as a matter of fact.  I remember trying to explain that I called everyone fat and that I did it all the time...this did not help my case, in fact it made me meaner that I did it all the time and to lots of people. Even as I said it I could hear that I was that kid.  Dumb. And I couldn't take it back.

I remember this story crystal clear and, no doubt, that nose whacking kid will remember that moment for the rest of his.  He thought he would be the hero and instead had to sit there while his mother, humiliated texted a stranger his apologies.

I was going to blog about how we text things that are too uncomfortable to talk about, but then I remembered Brenda and being that age and that boy and remembered I have little boy, who already thinks he shows his love by slapping other babies in the face (he's 9 months! Come on!) and realized I didn't have a leg to stand on, but then I realized, none of us do.

I am so glad that I finally finished with that phase.  And too bad for Milo...it's a comin'.

The 16 Traits to Look for When You Want to Be with Someone Sexy

What a week of LOVE! I will say, on the record, that I love each of my fellow Part Time Authors and their significant others. What stories they have about love. I enjoy hearing them again and again over the years because I'm always so happy and inspired by how their relationships started, grew to what they are today, and continue to grow.

Onto the sexy ...

Finding someone sexy is completely subjective, isn't it? I've seen two people together that I would normally not view as sexy but they sure love each other and probably find one another sexy quite often. So, what is sexy? Are there sexy qualities that sexy mean that someone will sexy like someone else? Why do I sexy care? Sexy.

I think my wife, Amelia, is very sexy so it follows that my definition of it is informed by her and all that she is. This is my tribute to her, really. But I'm sure you've all also wondered what I find sexy. So here it is.

Attractive - Let's get this out of the way first. In order to be sexy, you have to have be at least a little attractive and, to the person you love, they have to think you are unbelievably gorgeous.

Chemistry - It's sexy when someone can finish your ... cake. And sentences.

Sense of Humor - This is the ability to laugh at life and to find comedy funny. Yet, there is a fine line between comedy and tragedy and a sexy person knows the difference. But, if the person can't laugh at themselves, they aren't sexy.

Dorkiness - Generally, nerds aren't sexy. Dorks are. It's sexy to be comfortable enough in your own skin that you can spaz out to a song, make an ugly face at the right time or turn your foot into a life-like puppet. Dorky? Yes, but also super sexy because it shows you are comfortable and confident.

Confidence - Wow. When a person knows who they are, what they want, where they are going and what to do to get there, it's ultra sexy. "For there is nothing either meh or sexy but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare?

Wit/Funny - This is different than a sense of humor because it takes it to the next level. Not only can a sexy person laugh at life but they can make others laugh too. Wit is the older, smarter version of being funny but they are both sexy.

Eyes - If you don't have intriguing eyes or if you don't make eye contact, then you can't be sexy. Sorry. Those with blank, dark soulless eyes need to report to their Lord Satan and leave sexy to those with light and life in their gaze.

Intelligence - When someone knows a lot about something it's quite awesome. It's even more awesome when they're humble about it, open to other ideas, but know they could lick any sonuvaB in the house with their particular smarts. E=mcSexy

Independent - It's really awesome when someone can take care of themselves and their life. They don't necessarily "need" someone as much as they love the things you bring to the relationship that adds to their strengths, making one sexy combination of sexiness.

Vulnerable - Show your layers. Acting like a stone when there are problems or pretending there aren't problems prohibits others from getting to know who you really are. If you let people in, they'll see who you are. That's alluring.

An Interest in Others - Don't always talk about yourself and your problems. It gets old so fast. When you, instead, show interest in others' problems, interests, goals, and then do things to show you listened to them, it shows off your kindness/sexiness.

Loyalty - Just stay faithful. Don't cheat. Stick up for your friends and significant other. Take her/his side often. Invest. Be present.

Courage - This is more than standing up to bullies or going to war. It's waking up, seeing how awful the day could be and forging ahead anyway. When people see you battling your own trials and various inner and outer demons, it's inspiring and attractive.

Conviction - Believe in something. Wishy-washiness isn't cute. "So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor [sexy], I will spew you out of my mouth." - The Bible

Sensitive - Similar to being vulnerable but if you can't cry in front of a person you love, shed a tear at the end of "Ordinary People" or "Glory" or, I don't know, "Toy Story 3," then you are cold and soulless. (Not really, but you get what I mean.)

Selfless - Service is sexy especially when you know the person giving service has a huge mountain of their own problems that they are putting on hold to help others for a bit. When you see someone making an effort on behalf of humankind, I defy you to not find it at least a degree of sexy.

Happy - The most sexy people are the ones that seem to be genuinely happy about life. Not pretending that everything's fine. That's different. People see through that. Also it doesn't mean ALWAYS being happy. It's impossible in life to face some of our challenges and smile but a happy person will persevere and live to smile big another day. Smiling is sexy and happy people smile a lot.

There you have it. Happy Valentines Week. Let me know in the comments what you think is sexy.