Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A well thought out post, about the things I, well, thought out...

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. -Voltaire

Well, I ate too much.

I was going to sit down and write a brilliant blog about some clever nuanced thing that only I noticed, but then I ate too much.  Why?!  Why don't I just stop when my platter is full...that's one thing, my sister-in-law didn't want to dirty dishes (and why would she?!  I sure wasn't going to do them!) so she used paper plates...the thing is, the only paper plates she had in the house were these huge oval platters!


Good Heaven's why do they even make those?!  A pack of TWENTY FOUR!  Anyway, I filled mine up twice.  I know I know, but she didn't tell me that she had made dessert, certainly I would have only had one platter of food had I had known about dessert.  And worse it was these little raspberry and lemon glased cookies...so you really had to have at least seven before the taste of Honey Lime Chicken enchiladas even began to get out of your mouth...not that I wanted it out of my mouth...no, quite the contrary, there was a time where I would alternate a cookie bite with a enchilada bite...salty then sweet is my bingeing combination, I could eat the following combinations until my gut split down the center and the following ingredients would spill out...un-chewed:

  • Popcorn/Milk-Duds
  • Lays Classic Potato Chips/ really Dark Chocolate Chips
  • A fist full of rock salt/ Peanut butter M&M's
  • Chicken Enchiladas/ Lemon Raspberry Glased Cookies
I knew I had gone too far.  I did.  I knew it.  But that was two platters of Enchiladas, rice, refried beans, a small stack of blue berries and pineapple, and seven Lemon Raspberry Glased Cookies later...then I stopped.  I mean, I'm not a psycho!  I know when I've had too much, but tonight, I just couldn't stop and now I feel horrible, both physically and emotionally...I mean, I just started a new diet today.  For reals!  Today I had, like, a glass of water for breakfast, a hard boiled egg (three days old) for lunch, came home cranky from work to find out we are going to my sister-in-laws (whose some kind of wonder cook) house for dinner but that I would have to wait until 6:30 (6:45) to eat.  It was a perfect storm.

BTW, this is what one of those platters looks like full of food and not crisp and white in the packaging:


Great Mouse Detective! What have I done!  This post is giving me heartburn, honestly the only thing worse than eating too much food is to then search the internet for pictures of big platters of food.  I've ACTUALLY had some Alka Seltzer this evening...for it's intended purpose! You think Ken is old??!  That guy plays racquet ball! (I used the "Q" spelling to make it sound fancier) I do not play anything...hide and seek sometimes with the kids, but thats only to snuggle down in the quilt closet and catch a nap in the middle of the day, not a lot of calories burned.

It's not even that!  I'm a mid-middle aged married man, I suppose to be chubby!  I'm sure if Ken had some church activity where everyone was swimming, he would have to leave his shirt on because he would be humiliated to whip out his racquet ball abs in front of Sister Christiansen, the Ward Librarian. 

But I can't take this out on Ken, though I hope he enjoyed his brussel sprout for dinner, no, this was my doing.  My wife only ate half her platter and she's in a fine mood. Not me...it's 11:45 PM and I'm writing this blog that is making me sick to think about the sick things I sicked in my mouth and the whole time I've had to be sucking in my gut so my fingers can reach the key board!  WELL I'M DONE!  I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!  I CAN'T EVEN BREATH IN MY OWN HOdijlsjksdnnfydsnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNF,MFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFASDMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNKMNVVVVVVVVVvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvweeeeoiioweiiiiiiievvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvkh=wpl


Apparently at some point my gut hit the CAPS LOCK button.

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