The reason why I have a beard is because I was cast to play the Apostle Paul in the LDS Church's New Testament film. I'm super excited about it and I get to go to Sicily, so I'm not going to be all whiny about that. But it does come with the caveat that I have to grow a beard, and this beard has been happening since November. And it will continue to happen until June. So it's just going to get worse.
If you are in my ward, you should know all this by now. Why do we need to talk about my beard every Sunday? Yes, it's getting longer! Now, share your testimony or go back to complaining about your calling. I enjoy those conversations. My beard doesn't do anything magical and it has no opinions. No need to discuss it!
If you are a friend, and you are hungry, feel free to search through my beard for a morsel or two. They're in there! There's enough for everyone. I ate lunch at J Dawgs yesterday for lunch and I got solid lick of BBQ sauce at about 8 pm last night! Remarkable! It tasted like it was straight from the bottle!
If you are my wife, keep pretending you think it's sexy. You are doing an amazing job. You scruff it with your fingers and still make-out with me, and it does wonders for my fragile self-esteem. I don't mind if you pull on it! A baby would. It doesn't hurt at all! I like it.
That's all I have to say, and anyway I have to go to a boring training meeting. I will listen to the lady talking and she will occasionally look at me and she will think BEARD and I will think CLOCK ON THE WALL and the other people at the meeting will be thinking BEARD and then it will be over and we will all get on with the rest of our day.
