What Your Husband Should Be Wearing This Fall

There are so many reason to love fall. But don't you think the best one is fall clothes? Sure, if you are super fit and look great in tank tops and short shorts, you probably love summer. But if you are me, and you are a little rounder and softer, you look better with a few more layers to hide how many pumpkin flavored desserts you ate the night before.

Who doesn't love sweaters and blazers and woolly hats and corduroy and boots?? WHO, I ASK YOU?! (I don't want to know who.) Every year I start wearing all my fall clothes far too early (when the temperature drops to 82 degrees) but today in my neighborhood it was chilly and rainy and felt like the right time to bust out some fall-wear.

I know that this blog is mostly read by women (70% of you in fact!!) but if you want to know what YOU should wear, ladies, you are going to have to wait for Patrick to post about that. He's the real fashion expert here. But I'm a man and I like clothes. And I like to look put together, but not too crazy. So I'm here to tell you how to update your husband's wardrobe so all the gents at the office can tell him he's fashionable and up to date. As the gents at the office are want to say. (Read my previous fashion advice columns here and here.)

1. Chambray

From J. Crew. So so pretty.

Say it with me: "SHAM-bray." This is what we liked to call a denim shirt back in the 90s when Brandon Walsh tied one around his waist over a peach tank top. But chambray is a little bit lighter and more refined than denim. If you follow one piece of advice from this blog, make it the chambray shirt. It's a wardrobe essential. I'll admit, I have a full on Chambray addiction. I currently have 7 of them, and there is one at my store I am eyeing to add to the collection. You can dress it up with a pair of dress pants and a blazer and a tie. You can wear it with jeans as long as the tones of denim are different (wear the shirt above with dark denim.) Or put it under a sweatshirt or sweater. Go get one. Today. 

2. Camo
STAY WITH ME HERE! Maybe it's because we are a nation perpetually at war, but camo is crazy in this fall. I know what you are thinking, "But my husband only wears camo cargo shorts and I hate them!" But trust me. Camo is more refined, dressy and super wearable. If you are me, you would wear these camo skinny chinos.

Via Old Navy

Wear them with a chambray shirt (see what I did there?) or a navy blue sweater and you're good to go. If camo pants are a little too G.I. Joe for you, try a camo polo.

From Banana Republic

Or a camo skinny tie

Also Banana Republic. I need to go buy this.

If it's subtle and mixed in with the rest of your outfit, it looks current and modern, without looking like you are storming the beaches of Normandy. Just don't wear the camo all together, unless you are hiding in the woods in a really chic way.

3. Fair Isle

If the idea of camo is too terrifying to you, the second most important pattern this fall is called Fair Isle. It's named after a small island off the coast of Scotland called...you guessed it, Fair Isle!! Its usually alternating colors in a geometric pattern like this:

God bless, J. Crew. Also, do you see what's underneath? CHAMBRAY!

Or this

Thanks, H&M

Or this

Are you kidding me, Banana Republic?

Or again, if you don't want to commit to a whole big sweater, get a cool knit tie and wear it with a white shirts and dark denim. 

Banana...are you seeing a pattern?

4. Crazy Socks

This is the bargain entry to fall fashion. Can't afford that $248 J. Crew sweater? Then get these moustache socks from Target

Or these ones from Old Navy

It's a way to add a little color and personality to your wardrobe, even if you work in a boring office. If you're in the Advanced Fashion class, roll your jeans up an inch or so so the socks pop out. Or just let them show when you are sitting in a meeting with your legs crossed.

5. Boots

Stop the presses!! Josh is declaring that boots are a fall trend!! I know, I know. But if your boots were bought when we had a Republican president, it's time to update. And if you are only going to buy one (or two) pairs of boots, here are some options:

Clarks. Via Piperlime. PS. This Ox Blood color is also SUPER on trend. For you too, ladies.

Chukkas are ankle boots with 2 or three holes for lacing and they were popular in the 40s and 50s and are popular now. I don't know why they are called chukkas, but I don't care. They are so pretty.

Or you could get something a bit more rugged and chunky, like this

Frye. Via Piper Lime. Via my heart. 

I don't even know what to say about these, other than that they probably cause world peace, cure cancer and render the wearer impervious to harm.

So that's it. Chambray, camo, fair isle, crazy socks and boots. Your man can handle that, right? You can even wear almost all of them in the same amazing fall-tastic outfit. Just don't do fair isle and camo at the same time. The gents in the office wouldn't like that. 

Fashion Man-Date

Southwest tie. T-shirt cardy. 

As Ken mentioned, he started a new job this week. Yeah, Ken!! And since he also implied that for the last 6 months he has been walking around the house in t-shirts, a beard and no pants (and believe me - I've been to Ken's house and I cannot un-see the things that I have seen!!!) as he prepared to reenter the work force he needed to spruce up the wardrobe. So natch, he called me and Patrick. Patrick and I both work in retail and both have worked in retail for the last 100 years and basically we are a little mini Clinton and Stacey (I'm Clinton) or Trinny and Susanna (I'm Trinny.) We spend time professionally helping people pick outfits.

So the three of us went on a little Man-Date to the Banana Republic in the City Creek to update Ken's look. And as we shopped, I came up with a few fashion mandates (see what I did there?) that you can use in your life (if you are one of the 7 men who read this blog about fatherhood) or your husband's life (for the other 93% of our female readers.)

Patrick thinks about how long until the return of pleats.

Mandate 1: Before the shopping trip, Ken and Katie (his wife) took stock of his current wardrobe. He relayed the following conversation:

Ken: I have those blue pants still that are pretty nice.

Katie: Don't those pants have pleats?

Ken: Yeah...but that is OK, right?

Katie: Um...you better clear that with Patrick and Josh.

Katie's right. Pleats are no good. (Now, right now Patrick is saying that pleats are making a comeback. Because literally everything in fashion makes a comeback at some point. And pleats probably will be mainstream someday. But it's like 10 years off. So if you want to wear pleats now, that's what I called "Advanced Fashion." And it's not for the faint of heart.) So please don't buy or wear pleats. They make you look fat and dumpy. And old. And like you shop at JC Penny. With your mom. Picking your clothes.

This scarf is clearly too big. 

Mandate 2: As Patrick and I were shopping, not consulting Ken (who was standing in the middle of the store texting) I said to Patrick, "What size top do you think Ken is?" Patrick replied, "I don't know - a medium?" Me: "You're right. For sure he is a medium. But he probably thinks he is a large." Sure enough, when we consulted Ken, he said he was a large. Ken is not a large. He's tall, but he is a racquetball player and he is fit and he is a medium. Please, for the love of Mizrahi, wear clothes that fit you well. Here is a tip for shirts: Look at the seam on top of the shoulder. It should run parallel to the ground and lay flat. If the end of the seam rolls over the edge of your shoulder and points towards the ground, the shirt is too big. And for pants, don't get a loose fit or relaxed fit. That is retailer code for clothes that make you look fat. I'm not saying everyone needs to wear a skinny jean. But get a straight leg jean. It is like a loose fit jean, but just slightly narrower. 

I wasn't able to convince Ken to buy that cardigan. I may never forgive myself. 

Mandate 3. The funnest part of shopping with Ken, is that he literally had no opinions. He trusted Patrick and I completely. So when I hesitantly asked if he would try red pants, he said "Sure!" And look how great he looks!! Look, I'm not saying everyone needs red pants. But don't be scared to try new things. Just because you have always bought loose fit jeans and Big Dawg t-shirts, doesn't mean you have to only buy those things for the rest of your life. OK...hold on. Let's go back a bit. The mandate stands, but I really do think that everyone needs red pants. Colored pants have been pretty on trend for 3 or 4 seasons now, which I think means they have officially crossed into the mainstream. I don't think I currently own pants that aren't jeans, colored pants, or colored jeans. Don't be scared. Go buy some. And because I know you are going to ask, they are a neutral and match almost anything.

Not a bad haul! And Patch even got himself a new fedora!

Mandate 4: When first started in retail, we had a saying when we were working in the men's department. "If you only knew what we knew." See, we retail kids spend hundreds of hours a week dealing with clothes. We watch training videos and read product knowledge guides and peruse fashion magazines. The people who work in those stores know how to dress you! So ask for help. What we meant by "If you only knew what we knew" was that if a guy would only come in and say "I've got $100 bucks and I need to look great for a date and I am in your hands" we would move heaven and earth to make sure that you did indeed look great and that you felt great too. Because then you come back and spend more money. We're not going to send you out of the store looking like a fool. Because then you don't come back and you tell your friends. We want you to look amazing. So let us do it.

We happened to be shopping the night of the Mad Men Collection launch and they had appetizers! FTW!!

That's it. That's not to hard right? I'm not giving you specific fashions or styles (OK, other than red pants. Go get some.) I'm just giving you some guard rails. So your mandates are:

1. Pleats are not good.
2. Wear clothes that fit well.
3. Don't be scared to try new things. 
4. Ask for help.

You can do that, right? And if you can't, Patrick and I are available for a small (enormous) consultation fee. And you'll probably leave the store owning red pants. Don't be scared. It's better than the no-pants you've been wearing for the last six months. 

Friday Link Roundup: Fall Fashion and a Former Bishop

Hello, everyone, and welcome to a very special episode of Friday Link Round Up. I have sailed the Internet this week and found links from some very credible (or not) sources. Today we have some great articles for Fall fashion for men, healthy snacks, and a very sweet, funny, and touching article from our own Ken Craig about his experience as bishop of a congregation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Men's Fall Fashion Links from Primer Magazine:

Ken Craig after 5 years of service as a bishop.

Designer to Deal: Fall
Boots for Fall
Fall Essentials

Health:
The 6 Snacks You Should Eat Everyday

Former Bishop Ken Craig in the Deseret News:
Today in the Bloggernacle

Happy Labor Day weekend, all.

What Not to Wear: Caillou Edition

As parents, you are subjected to a lot of crappy entertainment for your kids' sake. When someone gets it right, it is like a breath of fresh air (I'm looking at you Phineas and Ferb.) And when it is bad, its like adding insult to injury. You already gave up everything that made you cool when you had kids, and now you have to sit through inane, painful TV shows as well? (I'm looking at you, Twist.)

The number one offender of the "Shows That Make Parent's Want to Scrape Their Eyeballs Out With Spoons and Stuff Them in Their Ears" category is Caillou. If you are not familiar with this little French Canadian jerk, then consider yourself lucky. Basically it is a show about a super entitled 4-year old who gets whatever he wants and teaches his parents valuable lessons - you know, just like real life. Part Time Author friend, Kacy already did an amazing job describing how Caillou makes us feel sorry for ourselves as parents. She was spot on. So I want to focus on what is most offensive to me about this show: what we are teaching our kids about fashion. Let's break it down character by character, shall we?

First of all, what season is it? Caillou is dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and everyone else is ready to run the iditarod. When you look at these are cartoons, you might be thinking - no biggie. Primary colors, blah, blah, blah. But dig a little deeper. Imagine these clothes on real people. It's unbearable. Do people in Canada really dress this way?

Caillou's mom (Doris) is wearing high waisted baggy jeans (?,) an ill-fitting red sweater/sweatshirt over top a yellow, lacy long sleeved blouse with lace cuffs. Or maybe it is a yellow dickie? I wouldn't put it past her. And to really make it pop she has paired it with some teal and green ballet flats with bows on the front. And somehow, none of that is the worst part. The worst part is the blue headband that smooshes her bangs down to her forehead. Who does that?

Don't you want to punch him?

Caillou's dad (Boris) is sporting jeans. OK so far. Then he layered a green sweater over a red mock-turtleneck. And since that burst of red at the neck line wasn't enough, he has cuffed the sleeves to really show it off. Daring. And what says douche bag more than finishing your outfit off with red penny loafers with big gold buckles? I'll tell you what: the fact that Boris wore a top-hat to his wedding. What a tool.

Rosie is Caillou's little sister (In Canada her name is Mousseline, which, correct me if I am wrong, is a kind of meat patè?) I don't want to be too hard on Rosie, because she is only 2 and I don't want her to have self esteem issues as an adult and start a blog about how she was never good enough. Suffice it to say she is dressed like Laura Ingalls waiting to go out into the ice and snow and make maple syrup candy. Seriously, is it winter? Summer? PICK A SEASON!

Which leaves us with Grandma (Floris? I don't know.) Oh, Grandma. I think when wearing a red mumu, it is always best to have a blue mandarin collar blouse underneath to give some definition and shorten your neck. You can see where Doris got her great hair styling tips from. Nothing frames your face like a big green headband pushing your hair onto your forehead. Sigh. For the record, I kind a dig the over-sized green purse for a nice color pop. Good job!

Which leaves you, little bald Caillou. Why do you have no hair when the rest of your family has in such abundance. When I googled "Why doesn't Caillou have any hair" the internet rumor that came back was that he has cancer. Or lice. Which, according to PBS, is not true. He's just bald. I don't judge him for that. I have no hair and it isn't my fault. I do judge his parents for his baggy yellow henley with red trim. And I judge him for being so whiny and entitled and siging that song about how "growing up is not so tough, cept when I've had enough." Too true...too true.

Do these cargo shorts make me look old?

Image from The Sartorialist. 

I work in fashion. That, perhaps, sounds a bit too glamorous. I don't send Supermodels down runways or have Diet Cokes with Isaac Mizrahi while discussing whether or not we think schiffli is appropriate for men to wear (Answer: I don't. Isaac, I believe, does.) But I do work in retail and have for the last 10 or so years.

I feel a certain need to be somewhat fashionable in the way that I dress. I figure, if I look like a slob, why would anyone trust my opinion about what clothes they should buy? I am however, pretty conservative in my sartorial choices. I am not our good friend Patrick, who told me the other day that his fashion aesthetic was "Shipwreck Chic." (Can't you picture it? Cut-off shorts, striped shirts, knit caps.) I want to look cool and relevant, but I also want to be age appropriate. Most of the people I work with are in their early 20s, so I am clearly the Grandpa of the store by a long shot. I can't wear the same things they do without looking like a dork.

A few weeks ago, I bought my first pair of skinny jeans. I feel like since that was the hip thing to do in 2007, it had now crossed the Rubicon into "acceptable for old people" category. I wore them and got compliments and liked them and I felt it was then OK to go and purchase these:

Image from Old Navy. 

Is this a bridge too far? Am I too old (or perhaps too young?) to wear slightly pink slim-cut khakis? They are in a box on their way to my house right now, so I'll let you know what the final verdict is.

There are a few rules I know and stick by that I feel like keep my clothing age appropriate. I reserve the right to change any of these rules (I remember telling my sister about 5 years ago that I would NEVER wear skinny jeans.) but I share them with you now. Perhaps you will find them helpful.

1. I don't wear cargo shorts. I don't think men who are older than 25 should ever wear cargo shorts (unless you are mowing the lawn.) Why do you need all those pockets? Did your house burn down and you have to carry everything you own? I am fine with shorts, but I try and get something with a better fit. Cargo shorts make you look like a frat boy.

2. I don't wear t-shirts and polo shorts and windbreakers that I got for free from work, or from a pharmaceutical rep, or from a soccer league that you were a part of in 1999 (Note: I was not in a soccer league in 1999 but you get the idea.) These are only acceptable for sleeping in or, again, mowing the lawn. (In my book, mowing the lawn is pretty much a free for all. You can wear hot pants and a fedora and it would be OK.)

3. I wear button up shirts as much as possible. (This requires ironing.) A button up shirt helps hide a gut, and that is a good thing. And I just look much more professional than the guy in the two-sizes-too-big "Syno-tech" polo.

4. I wear cardigans (or a blazer) whenever possible. A cardigan makes any outfit look better. Ironic tee shirt to work: too young. Ironic tee shirt under a cardigan to work: golden. If you don't own a cardy, why not? (Is it because I called it a cardy?) Come to my store and I will sell you one. Here is what I plan on wearing with the red pants:

Image from Old Navy. Is this, perhaps, too shipwreck chic?

5. Lately, I am trying to add more accessories.  Hats, tie clips, even a slightly hipster-ish scarf. Older people own accessories. Have you seen this guy:

He wears hats and is older and doesn't look like a kid. Also, he is really cool. 

I am not saying you need to follow these rules (although if you want to, feel free. Also, send me a small royalty.) Clothing should be about personal expression and feeling comfortable and looking good. You should wear what works for you and what works for me is trying to look like a professional 30-something guy in a casual environment. Maybe what works for you is wearing exclusively cargo shirts, free soccer-league t-shirts and baseball hats. Maybe what works for you (Patrick) is dressing like you are stranded on an island during a Vogue Uomo fashion shoot. And maybe it is wearing a white fur coat and white fur boots. Who am I to judge? It's not like I am Isaac Mizrahi.