Wednesday, October 23, 2013

the scariest picture of me

A couple of years ago someone, and I feel terrible that I can't remember who, found this picture and sent it to me.  It's a creepy old sepia picture of me, dressed as some kind of fly, standing on a stool. EXCEPT IT'S NOT ME!

Now, none of this will make sense if you don't know me. If you aren't familiar with my face, or my facial expressions (both are crazy awesome, btw.) But this person, this entomological stool stander, has my exact face. With my smirky smile. And my bald head. And my exact body shape! Those tights don't lie.

He's also doing creepy little things with his hands. People who know me claim that I'm always doing creepy things with my hands. Please don't take that the wrong way. I don't.

This photo is dated 1865. Be honest, you guys. Do you think it could be me? I feel something when I look at it. Like it might actually be me. Like I might actually put on a big fly outfit. Look how I'm staring directly into the camera, as if I know that someday, some sunny day in 1972, I'll return!

Sometimes when I swat flies and kill them, I feel bad. More so than other people do. Is this why?

A few days ago I was telling my niece and nephew about this picture. Just mentioned it to them. That night, a huge swath of facebook friends started to comment on this picture after a two year silence. This picture heard me talking about it! It reemerged from my facebook archives and demanded some comments! It's like the devil - the more you talk about him, the more present he is. See if I'm wrong! Talk about this picture with someone and then see how it will randomly pop in and out of your life. You won't know what hit you.

Take a minute and stare at this man in the face. Like, look at it for a long time. See you how feel. It's a horrible, chilling feeling. I'm sorry I made you feel that.

Please don't joke around and act like I'm blowing this all out of proportion. There is no mistaking that this man has my face. And my body. And my propensity to put on costumes and do creepy things with my fingers. And the creepiest part is that stool! What am I doing in this picture!? Why can't I sleep at night!?  Do you guys hear that buzzing? That faint buzzing sound? 

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