no shame

When I was eight years old I had a birthday party. My mom was really busy and, with nine kids, super sick of birthday parties. You know how most of us get a little cranky every time our child's birthday comes around? Because you have to plan it and you have to pay for it? And other people's dirty children come to your house and stink it all up? And there are all these gift and cake and decorative expectations? Expectations that can never be met? Well, my mom had to face that nine times every year. I'm surprised she didn't go Jehovah's Witness on us. I would have!

Anyway, she told me that instead of sending out invitations to my party I should just call my friends on the phone and tell them when it was. So that's what I did. My pitch went a little something like this:

"Hi, this is Chris Clark, I'm having a birthday next Saturday at my house from 3-5. Don't forget to bring a present!"

My older sister Page overheard me making these calls and was horrified. It never occurred to me that reminding my friends to bring a present was in bad taste. And, you know what? I'm still not sure that it was. It's a birthday party, and I wanted presents! That's all I really wanted. What if they forgot? Page was scandalized and tried to explain why it was tacky, but it didn't really sink in. Don't forget to bring a present! From the mouth of babes.

I still feel like reminding people to bring me presents on my birthday. I've learned not to do that out of tact, but I still secretly like getting them. I wish it weren't so shameful.

I know we have gift registries for weddings. Why can't we do that for birthdays or Christmas? Why can't I go to H&M or Lowe's with a laser gun and shoot all the things I want? Then I can post online (thank you, social media!) where I'm registered and you can stop by and get me something I really want? I would totally do the same thing for you! Imagine a world where we only got gifts we wanted! No tears, no fears.

Gift Certificates? Talk not to me. They mean well, but they feel so cold and lifeless in your hands, don't they? Sure, I'll get something I want, but I have to trade in a death chip for it. No thanks! I want something heavy and awesome to unwrap in my lap!

Anyway, I know it's never going to happen unless President Obama or Oprah makes it happen. And those people are so busy that they would never listen to little old me. But you can bet I would get them presents for Christmas, and they would get exactly what they wanted!

This Christmas, let's think less about giving, and more about getting. Come on, America!

What to eat while you are watching Fall TV

I know we are supposed to be posting about Fall TV this week. And I feel like I have a bigger post in me about TV, but it just not ready yet. I take TV very seriously. It involves spreadsheets, highlighters, the Entertainment Weekly Fall TV issue and a lot of prayer. And that hasn't happened yet and I had a long day at work (and I forgot to write this post last night) and I just don't want to give you a half-hearted TV post, you know? I promise you a really good, thorough analysis of the Fall TV season soon.

But...I do have something to endorse. It's a Food Truck And it's the perfect thing to eat while discussing Breaking Bad. Or watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Or pondering who's next to go on The Walking Dead. It's called Sweeto Burrito.

Full disclosure: Christian, the owner of Sweeto Burrito, is a good friend of mine. And one day when I showed up at his house, there was a food truck parked outside. I guess owning and operating food trucks is Christian's "thing" now. And it should be. Because he's a good businessman, and dang, these are some good burritos. 

Tonight, I had the Buff Chick. Its fried chicken pieces, buffalo sauce, cilantro ranch dressing, tater tots and cheese. In a burrito. Yes. I said tater tots. It was sweet and spicy and crunchy and satisfying. I've also partaken in the Smokehouse, which is Sweeto's unreal smoked chicken, cilantro ranch, ONION RINGS, cheddar cheese, the tastes of freedom and magic all wrapped up in a flour tortilla. Fantastic. I want to go there every day and eat everything. (And not all the burritos contained a fried starch on the inside, though the best ones do.)

So if you live in, near, around or within reasonable (5 hours?) driving distance of Provo, Utah. You should go visit Sweeto. Go like their FB page and click around the menu. I wish I could be like Oprah and that I could give you all free burritos if you told them Josh sent you.  But I can't. But don't worry, you will be happy you went. And if Christian is working, he has some interesting thoughts about Breaking Bad. You should ask him.