Thursday, January 9, 2014

I hate you, Snow.

I hate snow. There, I've said it. Yes, it's pretty. And if I have nowhere to go and nothing to do (which describes my life on 0% of days) then fine. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. But since I have a life and a job and children and responsibilities then the arrival of snow means going out in the snow, which means cold and mess and slippery and slow and annoying. I drive a Prius, because I'm a Socialist Liberal Commie (and cheap) and it handles about as well in the snow as if someone gave me a sailboat and stuck it on I-15 for me to drive to work. So I feel like I am literally taking my life into my own hands every time I head to work. 

And I don't like that as soon as it snows I'm supposed to drop everything and run and go shovel my walk. And them shovel it again 4 hours later because it is STILL SNOWING!! Yesterday I refused to shovel, because I'm lazy, and so now I'm the trashy neighbor with the unshoveled driveway. And worse still my lovely neighbor actually shoveled my sidewalk for me and so now I'm the trashy and guilty-feeling neighbor. 

"Why don't you move to somewhere where there isn't snow," you say. Believe me, I've tried. I lived in Pasadena and Portland but Utah kept sucking me back in. In Portland when it snows, which it did one winter when we were there EVERYTHING in the city shuts down and all the news channels go to 24 hour coverage of the snow. No school, no grocery stores, no shopping. Nothing but sitting at home eating organic hemp seed bars, knitting beanies from local yak wool and praying for death. 

If you live in a snowy place, my prayers are with you. May you be blessed with no obligations and no reason to leave the house. And if you do have to leave the house, would you mind running a snow shovel over my driveway? I still haven't touched it. 
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