Monday, March 5, 2012

I Like Girls with Short Hair.

Who knew this was going to end up some sort of fashion blog? (Josh and I did, that's who.)

But it's true. I like girls with short hair. I mean, come on don't we all think this:

is so much better than this:

Or that this:

Is nowhere near as beautiful as this:

Or better yet, this:

And Pluh-ezze, everyone was way more into this:

Then we ever EVER were into this:

And no one ever tapped this:

I pretty much thought everyone felt the same way I did. I mean, girls with short hair seem more stylish and sophisticated, smarter and thoughtful, and above all, they can't just roll out of bed and slap a scrunchy 'round a ponytail. Come on, you know it's true, you've been to Wal-Mart on Saturday morning. Even if the girl with short hair walks in with super ratty bed head it looks more put together than the pony tail. Sorry, don't get me started with pony tails. I mean, even the name, Pony - Tail! Why not Horse Butt. "What's that, darling? We have dinner plans I forgot about with your work friends? No problem I'll just whip my hair back into a Horse Butt and be right down!" Oh, man.

Well, to make sure everyone was as well thought out and correct as I am on this subject, I did a little research, and by research, I mean I called my brothers.

Here's the deal with my brothers: I have four of them... so there's five of us. The four of them are true-blue, football-playing when they were young, coaching cause they're old guys guys. Not that I am not, necessarily, but let's just say that none of them have a blog...and if they did they would not be blogging about hair lengths... and if they did it would be about the hair lengths of a Jimmer or somthing. So I called them one at a time (two of them were together so it made things 'nice and easy' for me) to ask them a few hair related questions. And despite being on three different phone calls they all came out looking awfully similar. This is how it shook out.

An Interview on Hair Length with The Livingston Brothers, March 2012

Me: Do you prefer woman to have long hair or short?

All Four, all without much hesitation: Long.

Me: Can you think of a celebrity whom you find attractive with short hair?

Mike, Chris, Casey (Spence could not think of any): Halle Berry.

If ever there was a case for the short hair bombshell it's Sister Berry.

When asked if they thought she would be better looking with long hair, after some hemming and hawing and some quiet moments of imagining none of them thought she would.

And they were right.

Mike, my oldest brother, whose wife's hair skims her shoulders, was definitely the most in touch with the current debate. He knew that "the girl playing Marilyn Monroe" had short hair (see above) which made him the most current of the brothers but then he followed her up with Janine Turner from Northern Exposure, which also made him the most dated:

Although she is a great example...from the early 90's

Way better short, right?

I mean something about the long hair on the celebrity who has become famous with her short hair makes her look...what? Common. Boring. (See all pictured above.)

The Interviews continues:

Chris, whose wife has the longest hair of all my sister in laws, well down her back, did point out that no Victoria Secret models have short hair. And after a quick Google search I found that he was completely correct. The best I could find was some Heidi Klum shots with shoulder length hair looking like some soccer mom who just locked her keys in the mini van.

(Que trumpet: Buwamp wamp wamp wahh. Que Spring: Boing!)

Casey, whose wife has a short shaggy bob, was the most open to the idea of short hair being attractive, but he also pointed out that long hair wasn't a free gateway to beauty. "There are some ugly girls with long hair. And there are pretty girls with short hair. It's not the only thing that matters." This was a unanimous thought amongst the brothers. They were all really concerned that any ugly girls reading this blog would stop cutting their hair and then start hitting on them using the "but you said you liked long hair" approach and leaving my brothers with no choice but to reciprocate. They wanted to give themselves an out.

Spence, whose wife's hair lays just past the chin, thoughtfully brought up that there is a severe double standard in his marriage when it comes to his hair vs her hair. "I have to keep my hair the way she likes it and she can do whatever she wants with her hair." When pressed on what it was he wanted to do to his hair that she wouldn't approve of he said, "I would just shave it all off. Man, that would be so convenient for me, but she would hate it." She would. And so would I.

And so it comes to you, whom I assume are mostly ladies out there, don't you think that this:

Is so much lovelier than this:

Even if you're super old, This:

Is far more attractive then this:

Even if you're French, This:

Is way more stylish than this:

But somehow not when you're French Canadian.

Is not better than this:

Any guy can tell you that.

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