How to Lose a Woman Forever According to Travis McGee

Recently, I read a post by Raymond Bechard on The Good Men Project that made me think.

The post mentions a series of books by John D. MacDonald that feature a “Salvage Consultant” named Travis McGee who finds important things for people. What's interesting about the books is that McGee often philosophizes about life, humanity, and what it takes to be a man. I haven't read these books so I'm taking Bechard's word for it but he writes that reading them helped him look at life and being a man differently.

The post focuses on McGee's observations about women, which men's magazines have ripped off for 50 years. I bet some of his stuff is funny to us now in the '10s but Bechard summarizes McGee's most valuable piece of advice:

"Treat a woman so that she knows you believe she is the most important and interesting person you have ever met and will ever meet."

Now, if I had to judge my relationships past and present on that one piece of advice, the truth is that I'd fail. That's why it hit me hard. That's why I'm trying to be better.

To help me (us) Bechard compiled McGee's philosophies into is a list of rules to break if you would like to lose a woman forever. Here are a few from the post. Read the full article here.

1. Don’t protect her. She’s a big girl. There’s no reason to help her feel safe in the way she needs to feel safe. There are no guarantees in life so it’s not rational to expect security in relationships. (And nothing is more rational than love.) Her emotional security is paramount to her. This means she wants to rely on you to always be there for her and can count on you to be her best friend. Allow her to feel alone and abandoned, and you will experience both. 

2. Don’t respect her. Simple. Treat her like crap. If she doesn’t take it, she’ll leave and you’ll be miserable. If she does, she’ll stay and you’ll both be miserable. Treating her like the extraordinary woman she is will only increase her expectations, attitude, and hope, and courage, and affection, and love.

3. Don’t listen to her. Every time she talks either tune her out or try to solve her problems. Do not, under any circumstances come to the realization that her feel­ings are the prob­lem she needs to  communicate to you. She doesn’t want you to DO anything. (After all, if she wanted your help she would ask for it. Seriously, she will.) And if you wanted her to feel closer to you than anyone else in the world you would not listen to her prob­lems, but to her feel­ings. That takes paying sharp attention to her and learning how to really listen beyond her words. You would have to look at her as a person of near limitless emotional capacity. And all of that would only show her how much you truly value her. Who has that kind of time?

5. Take her for granted. Let her know she’s nothing special. Devalue everything she does, especially the things she does for you. If you want to make her miserable, sad, hopeless, or just lose her self-esteem make sure she knows she really doesn’t mean that much to you. You can’t be bothered with the fact that she’ll be looking for some kind of positive affirmation from you every day. And giving it to her is not something you can do once a month or week, on holidays or special occasions. She knows you appreciate her when you work at it all the time, especially those times when you don’t have to.

7. Don’t let her know she is interesting. Don’t show any interest in her life, her passions, her story, her friends, work, hobbies, troubles, etc. Showing her she bores you is the best way to prove to her that she will never be her best with you.

10. Don’t kiss her. If you don’t want her, don’t touch her. And especially don’t kiss her. However, if you want to be a man, shut up and take five completely uninterrupted minutes every day to hold her and kiss her.

13. Don’t compliment her. If you want her to find proof that she is attractive from someone else, don’t show her how attracted you are to her. If you want her to know how much you adore her, tell her how your attraction to her makes you feel. “Seeing your eyes make me feel like I’m really home,” is better than, “You have nice eyes.” But don’t do that. You’d have to examine all the great feelings she gives you. And who needs that much self awareness?

16. Don’t romance her. Your first date was a long time ago. No need to act like that idiot anymore. It’s probably best to just settle into a routine and ignore her need for unique expressions of your love for her. On the other hand, if you bring her out on a “first date” once in a while, or go out of your way for her romantically, you will reset the emotional freshness of her heart and your relationship.

19. Don’t change your habits. Let pride be your guide. Never improve. You’ve gone far too long becoming just as perfect as you are. Why switch up your game now? Remember, compromise and consideration has no place in relationships … unless you want them to work. Anyway, who has strength enough to be flexible?

20. Hate apologizing. If you wanted to make this work, you would love apologizing. Point out your mistakes and apologize for them until she tells you to stop. But, that will only make her trust you and rely on your decency and trustworthiness as a man.

21. Don’t learn what emotional intimacy is. Forget that emotional intimacy is the utterly close connection that will exist only when you are truly committed to and trust one another. It means you are both devoted to the well being and individual growth of the other, that you fully trust her and her you. It means knowing with absolute certainty that you are perfectly safe with each other. So, you would have to take the time to find a woman with whom you can build trust and be yourself. Worst of all it would mean not just accepting her for who she is, but celebrating who she is.

What do you think? I'd like to hear from both men and women on this one. What do you do that let's the person you love know that you really want to be with them?

Esquire Quiz Can Tell You How Attractive You Are to the Opposite Sex

I love these. I don't know why. Here, from Esquire’s 1949 publication "Handbook for Hosts: A Time-Honored Guide to the Perfect Party," is a set of questions for both men and women designed to help us make ourselves more wowee-wow-wow to each other. I read the original post on BrainPickings.org here.

Now, for your enjoyment, are some of the highlights filled with liquor, spankings, flattery, and ugly Cousin Belle:

For Women
Do you bring the names of other men into the conversation to give yourself a sought-after appearance?Don’t. This may give a man a sense of inferiority — he is uncomfortable with you, and soon drifts away to someone else. It may make him wonder how much talking you do about him.

Do you wear clothes that make you a little more up-to-the-minute than the other women in your set? Good — provided your taste is reliable and that the clothes suit you. Men may rant about the “crazy hat” but they swell with pride when their lady companions arouse admiring stares.

Do men marvel at your capacity for holding liquor? A great mistake: it gives you a fast reputation and runs into money — the man’s money — besides.

Do you keep men interested by hinting that later — not tonight — you’ll be really demonstrative? This is a low trick and one that a surprising number of men see through at once. If you kiss a man, it should be for your own pleasure and not to reward him.

Do you ever embarrass a man by telling him he’s good-looking or has big muscles or is too, too intelligent? Try it! Almost any man can stand almost any amount of flattery, however obvious, without embarrassment or surprise.

Do you knit when you are having a cozy, fireside evening with a man? For some reason, men hate to see a woman doing anything with her hands when talking to her. Undivided attention is best.

Do you keep your friendships warm by chatty calls to your men friends at their offices? This is fatal.

Do you save yourself wear and tear by not troubling to entertain men bores? A grave mistake. Bores have their uses since a clever girl can practice her conversation on them, with nothing much to lose. Besides, they often have attractive friends.


For Men
Do you show your real fondness for a girl by telling her about her bad points and advising her how to improve them? This is an error. If you must tell her you hate her perfume or how she does her hair, wrap it up in heavy sugar coating.

Do you show your devotion to a woman by holding her hand or putting your arm around her when her friends are present? Please don’t. Even a girl who is affectionate in private dislikes public mauling.

Do you make distinctions between the jokes you’d tell a man in the club and those you’d tell a girl in a park automobile? Almost no women like bathroom jokes or jokes with dirty words.

Do you tell a woman she’s beautiful, even if she isn’t? This habit hurts nobody and makes a lot of girls happier.

Do you believe it necessary in the modern age to push in a girl’s chair for her and to light her cigarettes? These small courtesies mean a lot to a girl.

Do you try to arouse a girl’s interest by boasting of your success with other women? Don’t ever do this!

Do you consider it a young girl’s own business whether she gets tight and is indiscreet when she’s out with you? Keep an inexperienced girl from getting tight, if you have to spank her, and don’t let any woman become indiscreet through liquor. Triumphs over drunken women don’t help any man.

If a girl you’re fond of asks you to be nice to her cousin with adenoids and buck teeth do you cut her off your list? Not pleasant, but if you rally around and give Cousin Belle a whirl, you’ll soon be known as the nicest man in town.

I think we all learned something today. So, how do you make yourself attractive? Let us know your tips in the comments!