Rise up to meet you

Hey friends. Remember us? We been a little absent for a couple weeks. Sorry. For whatever reason, the universe made all of us extremely busy at the same time. Patrick started a new job. I started a new job. Brett started a new job. Chris was in the final stages of directing his show, which I am dying to see. And Ken has, I believe, 17 children, so frankly I don't know how he even has time to put pants on in the morning.

This is me now (look! You can actually see me in the reflection in the door!) I've taken a job with Alice Lane Home Collection. We are an interior design firm with (soon to be) 2 retail locations. This job is amazing. I am surrounded by intelligent, talented, funny people and unbelievably gorgeous and impeccably designed home furnishings. It's like working in an Elle Decor magazine. It's fantastic. I will probably continue to offer unsolicited fashion advice on this blog, but who knows, I might even start sharing some design advice.

Currently I'm in way over my had and try and keep up while everyone talks about etageres and hair-on-hide and what it takes to add custom welts to your Davenport with a COM. I'll never be as much of a design expert as the people who I get to work with, but I know what I like and I have my own design philosophies.

I believe it was the great 20th century philosopher, Oprah, who said "Your home should rise up to meet you." Maybe it was Nate Berkus. Or maybe it was neither. But I think I heard it from Oprah. And I think that is true. You should live in a place where you are surrounded by things you love. Your house should take your breath away every time you walk in. In my home, my wife and I have, over the years, gathered and curated things that we love and things that make us happy. Some pieces were expensive. Some were flea market finds that hardly cost anything. Some are paintings by local artists that make us happy. And some are pieces that we've had forever that have moved from house to house to house with us over the years.

Sure, there are a few dogs. Our kitchen table is from Ikea and a piece of garbage and is stained and faded. But it seems foolish to replace it until our children are old enough not to destroy whatever we get. (I've mentioned our sectional which our kids are slowly destroying like they have some sort of grudge against it.) I don't think everything needs to be new and shiny and expensive to have a well designed home. Sometimes you make due with what you have. But don't buy things for your home unless you love them and they make you happy. It's better to have an empty hole somewhere than to spend money on something that is just OK. After all, why would you want to sit on this:

whey you could be sitting on this:

The store opens in early March (date is still not offically announced) in Salt Lake's amazing, historic Trolley Sqaure location. So come and say Hi and I'll sell you a Sleepy Hollow chair. But if you want an Etageres, I still don't know what those are yet, so I will have to refer you to one of my designers. 

We Can't Have Nice Things: My Thrift Store Fail

When Amy and I bought our house 2 years ago, we were in love. It's a lovely 70s split level which, believe it or not, is exactly what we were looking for. (Utah houses have so much square footage eaten up in basements, that are haunted and that no one wants to spend any time in. The split level gives you the chance to actually have basements with windows.)

Anyway, as we started picking decor for the home, we spent a lot of time shopping in vintage and consignment shops. I'm a big believer that the interior of your house should match the exterior and match the place you live in. Nothing drives me crazier that faux-Tuscan villas in Kearns, Utah and Travertine marble bathrooms in Traverse Mountain. Our house was an East Salt Lake split level brick home built in 1969 and I want it to feel like a modern version of that when you walk inside.

Our house has a big loft type room up a few steps from the kitchen which is an office/ library/ TV room/ computer room. It's really big, so we have tried to divide the space up a bit but it can handle some big furniture. So when our favorite vintage store called us to say that they had a peacock blue and green 15 foot sectional, we knew we had to have it. And I love it.

 When we bought it I notice there were a couple of spot where the fabric was wearing a bit thin, but it was a great price and I figured it looked great after being in someones house for the last 40 years, surely we could get another 10 years or so of use out of it and then reupholster it somewhere down the road.

Wrong. We've had the sofa for about a year and my darling children have destroyed it. Why are kids incapable of just sitting on a couch to watch TV? Why must they be doing back flips over the couch and pacing back and forth on top of it and putting the cushions all over the room?? Isn't a cushion more comfortable on the couch? I think the sofa has doubled in weight since we bought it due to the amount of gold fish crackers squished into the cracks. And the cushion now looks like this:

Here's the armrest, close up:

What have those little upholstery monsters done?

I've tried to fix it. I've tried to add stitch-witch where things were fraying and I've ironed patches inside the cushion. But to no avail. And to recover a 15 foot sofa would probably only cost about $5000, plus the cost of fabric, so that's sort of out of the question. So currently the cushion is wrapped in a big purple blanket to protect it from further damage until we can sort out a permanent solution. A friend of mine who is a designer gave us some great ideas on how to make it work without covering the whole sofa, but it's still going to take some money, which there just isn't extra of right now.

And that's what I always wonder when I see those blogs about those amazing houses (usually in Sweden) where the kids wear scarves and play lovingly with carved wooden horses. How do those houses look like that and have children in them at the same time? Somehow those houses always seem have a giant glass sculpture in the middle of the dining room table and all I can think is how that thing would be broken in 10 minutes in my house.

So, we'll probably never be featured in one of those blogs about people who have it all and have amazing houses and smart, well-behaved, wooden-horse playing kids. My kids would break the legs off that wooden horse and then leave it out in the rain where it would become swollen and waterlogged. And if you want to take photos of our amazing 40 year old sofa, you'll have to brush off the pretzel crumbs and crop out the tears holes. But wait until you see our Mediterranean Grotto with all marble tiles. It's amazing.

Your Guide to Horrible Stock Photography

Today it is my duty to help you become aware of a plague that has worsened through the years and stabs the eyes of all who behold it. I'm speaking, of course, about the blight of ill-used or over-used stock photography.

Now, we get it. We know you're company is broke and you need some images for your billboard, direct mailer or website. We know it's time consuming to actually plan and execute a photo shoot that captures your real employees or customers doing things they actually do. It's difficult to take a risk and figure out what landscape, lifestyle, or action images will truly resonate with your audience. We get it. You're broke and busy. (I'm not referring to bloggers, by the way. Although some bloggers use real photography better than most companies.)

We get it but it has to stop. For those unfamiliar with the sins of stock photography or how to identify it, we're here to help. Here is your guide to recognizing and avoiding awful stock images.

First, what is it? According to Wikipedia, "stock photography is the supply of photographs licensed for specific uses. It is used to fulfill the needs of creative assignments instead of hiring a photographer. ... Often, they are produced in studios using a wide variety of models posing as professionals, stereotypes, expressing stereotypical emotions and gesticulations or involving pets."

Here are some of the worst offenders.

1. The Air-arms Freedom Lady



Who uses it: Bankruptcy lawyers, Spa owners, MLMs, travel agents, etc.

What they think it says: "You're free to do what you want!" or "Don't stress."

What it really says: "Ocean breezes are nice!" or "I love photo shoots on the beach."

How to find it: Go to any stock photography site and type "freedom" into the search field.


2. The Handshake


Who uses it: MLMs, investment firms, banks, car dealerships, etc.

What they think it says: "Trust us." or "We're all about people!" Bonus if the hands are interracial.

What it really says: "We're shaking hands!"

How to find it: Go to any stock photography site and type "handshake" into the search field.

3. The Call Center Lady

Who uses it: 98% of all companies.

What they think it says: "We're here to help!" or "I'm listening." Bonus if she has mixed ethnicity.

What it really says: "We think our support staff is too ugly to actually photograph."

How to find it: Go to any stock photography site and type "customer service" into the search field.

4. The Diverse Business Meeting

Who uses it: software companies, law firms, MLMs, and any businesses who want to look multi-cultural.

What they think it says: "Teamwork ... *cough* ... diversity." or "Working together, we can be happy."  Minus points if everyone in the photograph is white even if your whole company actually is white. Double minus points if your whole company actually is all white.

What it really says: "We paid some handsome people to sit in a room for a few hours."

How to find it: Go to any stock photography site and type "meeting" into the search field.

So there you have it. Your guide to recognizing design and marketing travesties. To the offenders I say, "Figure it out. It doesn't have to be this way." And now, as we close, some really great unusable stock photographs.

Happy Friday!