Serving others: the gift I always forget

I want to be better about service.

I always feel like I'm too overwhelmed to help. I remember the proverb in Luke 4:23: Physician, heal thyself. I often feel like before I can really serve, I need to be happy enough with myself, healthy enough to do so. However, the trick is that part of healing ourselves only happens when we serve. So, I start small. I help my wife more. My kids. I try to offer encouragement to others.

But I don't take my kids to soup kitchens. Or to nice old ladies' houses. I have in the past. And it makes for a marvelous experience and, at this time of year, a more memorable Christmas.

I want to do that again. Feel that again. So, I guess I'm trying to say that, along with the physical gifts we give, maybe we can do something for someone else that will ease their burden a bit.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays.

[Note: this short was made by a wonderfully talented team led by my friends Jed Wells and Gavin Bentley. My wife put in hours hanging lights on all of our neighbors houses and made everything look good. Our house, tree, and family has a 2 second cameo.]

Best Christmas Gift Book Ideas for Oddly Specific People on Your List: 2013

As a blogger, I have a really bad habit. You see, I have a terribly short memory and will frequently come up with "ideas" for posts, only to realize (usually after I have written and hit publish) that I basically already wrote the same blog post a year ago. So as I was thinking about a blog about gifting for the holiday season, in my head I started re-writing this post that I wrote a year ago. But then I realized that if I made it a series and did it every year and it was intentional, I wasn't plagiarising myself, I was just creating repeat content. So I present you with The Best Books to Buy as Gifts for Oddly Specific People on your list.

For your brother who is a bibliophile, but also want to work at Google and recently moved to San Francisco

Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan.

Clay was a designer for a popular tech company, but when the bubble bursts, he needs a job and begins working as a night clerk at a mysterious old bookstore. He soon notices that the clientele are odd, come in the middle of the night and seem to borrow books in telling patterns.

The book is part mystery, part love letter to books, part techno-nerd geek out. I listened to the audio book and it would be a great one to listen to with older kids on a long holiday road trip.

For your Aunt who loves "The Jerk" and is slightly neurotic and just created her Match.com profile.

The Pleasure of my Company by Steve Martin

Remember when Steve Martin was just that one funny guy in those funny movies? And then you found out he was a writer and you thought "Vanity project!" and then you read one of the books and it was touching and beautiful and artfully written? And you really wished Steve Martin would stop sucking up all the talent in the world.

This book is the story of Daniel,  a bit of a recluse who watches the world go by from the safety of his Santa Monica apartment. He's neurotic and odd but completely charming and his story will warm the cold dark cockles of your heart (I've never actually used the word cockles in a sentence before and I am feeling pretty good about it.)

For your Dad who just got a Kindle Fire and keeps saying he really wants to "get into these graphic novels the kids are always talking about" and loves Star Wars, Romeo and Juliet and really weird sci-fi.

Saga by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples

This was my first foray in graphic novels written for grown ups and I thought it was awesome. It definitely has some adult content, so please don't give this to your 12 year old nephew. The artwork is great, the story is odd and crazy but fascinating, and I can't want to read volume 2. And then wait a billion years for volume 3 to come out.

For your sister who is the one that told your dad he should read all those graphic novels and was at the midnight showing of all the Marvel movies

The Girl Who Would be King by Kelly Thompson

This book is the story of two girls who's mothers both die tragically around the same time. They both discover that they have inherited extraordinary powers and have to decide how to use them. The book expertly jumps back and forth between the two girls points of view as one chooses to use her powers for good and one chooses less virtuous pursuits.

The descriptions sounds a little lame and obvious, but Thompson creates two distinct characters who are equally likable and interesting, even though one is good and one is evil. And their names are Lola LaFever and Bonnie Braverman. How great is that?

For your co-worker who loves the 1930s and was super excited for The Great Gatsby to come out and then, like most people was disappointed

Rules of Civility by Amor Towles

It's hard to describe this book exactly. It's basically a story of a girl, Katey Kontent, who meets an upper class investment banker, Tinker Grey in a bar on New Years even in 1937. Its about class, New York, the 30s and has great characters. It's not the type of book I normally read, but I was hooked.

Did I miss anyone? I feel like this pretty much covers every oddly specific person on your list. And stay tuned - after Christmas we'll be sharing all the PTAs best books of the year.

no shame

When I was eight years old I had a birthday party. My mom was really busy and, with nine kids, super sick of birthday parties. You know how most of us get a little cranky every time our child's birthday comes around? Because you have to plan it and you have to pay for it? And other people's dirty children come to your house and stink it all up? And there are all these gift and cake and decorative expectations? Expectations that can never be met? Well, my mom had to face that nine times every year. I'm surprised she didn't go Jehovah's Witness on us. I would have!

Anyway, she told me that instead of sending out invitations to my party I should just call my friends on the phone and tell them when it was. So that's what I did. My pitch went a little something like this:

"Hi, this is Chris Clark, I'm having a birthday next Saturday at my house from 3-5. Don't forget to bring a present!"

My older sister Page overheard me making these calls and was horrified. It never occurred to me that reminding my friends to bring a present was in bad taste. And, you know what? I'm still not sure that it was. It's a birthday party, and I wanted presents! That's all I really wanted. What if they forgot? Page was scandalized and tried to explain why it was tacky, but it didn't really sink in. Don't forget to bring a present! From the mouth of babes.

I still feel like reminding people to bring me presents on my birthday. I've learned not to do that out of tact, but I still secretly like getting them. I wish it weren't so shameful.

I know we have gift registries for weddings. Why can't we do that for birthdays or Christmas? Why can't I go to H&M or Lowe's with a laser gun and shoot all the things I want? Then I can post online (thank you, social media!) where I'm registered and you can stop by and get me something I really want? I would totally do the same thing for you! Imagine a world where we only got gifts we wanted! No tears, no fears.

Gift Certificates? Talk not to me. They mean well, but they feel so cold and lifeless in your hands, don't they? Sure, I'll get something I want, but I have to trade in a death chip for it. No thanks! I want something heavy and awesome to unwrap in my lap!

Anyway, I know it's never going to happen unless President Obama or Oprah makes it happen. And those people are so busy that they would never listen to little old me. But you can bet I would get them presents for Christmas, and they would get exactly what they wanted!

This Christmas, let's think less about giving, and more about getting. Come on, America!

Gift Giving & Other Love Languages

Have you read Senor Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages? A fascinating read! And by “fascinating” I mean “easy enough for even me to understand.”

According to Captain Gary Chapman, love is spoken in five different languages. You want I should spell them out for you? Done. They are 1) Physical Touch, 2) Acts of Service, 3) Gifts, 4) Quality Time and 5) Words of Affirmation.

One of these is your “love language,” that is, the way you feel loved. (No, Eating is not one of them. But mark my words, Sir Chapman has a sequel in the works, and it includes a title somewhere along the line of The Sixth Love Language: The Most Delicious of All.)

As I read Sergeant Chapman’s theory, it made me feel like a genius, because I was pretty sure I was multi-lingual. I spoke several of these love languages, if not all of them. Give me a hug (physical touch), and you bet I’ll feel loved. But give me a hug while telling me how smart I am (words of affirmation), pulling money out of my ear (gifts), and brushing lint off my shirt (acts of service), then I really feel loved. And if you make it a long hug, then that’s quality time, and we just covered all our bases, and I’m feeling more loved than Santa Claus.

After a more thorough reading and much deliberation, I have concluded that my love language is actually Words of Affirmation. Although after seeing this sketch, I think maybe I need to become more adept at the love language of Gifts.

According to Saint Chapman, the reason it is so difficult for me to narrow in on my love language is due to his theory that if you hear your love language spoken regularly and your Bucket O’ Love (scientific term) is full, then it’s difficult to detect which language is yours. Or, if you feel absolutely no love, and your Bucket is plumb empty, then it is equally difficult to determine what your love language is. But if you know Katie, then you know that my my Bucket runneth over. But I think there's still room in that bucket for more gifts!

Your Essential Holiday Gift (Card) Guide

My Part Time Authors colleagues have done a smashing job this week of giving you ideas for those special people in your life, i.e. your kids, your women, your readers, and Chris Clark. But what about the rest? What if you've procrastinated until Christmas Eve or you get word that the neighbor you hardly know got you an iPad Mini?

Shhhhhh. Rest easy, friend. I've got you. There, there. I've got you.

Gift cards. Boom.

The perfect gift for when you don't have time, shipping funds, or creativity to spare. Or you don't know what to get your parents and they tell you they love getting them because it's better than another quote book by Neal A. Maxwell.

Still, knowing who to get them for specifically and how much to spend can be a stressful task. Here's what I would do (have done):

Specialty Gift Cards
These are great for someone you care about but they aren't in your immediate family and you only have limited information about their likes and dislikes. If you know your Aunt Eunice loves Kneaders, bingo, a $10 gift card there has you covered. Caution: Make sure you give the person enough on the card to get something without also using their own funds. Don't get your cousin a $10 gift card to J. Crew. They won't be able to get anything.

Prepaid Credit Cards
Prepaid credit cards are good for someone you can't peg. Do they like music? Do they like movies? Do they like groceries? It doesn't matter! They can get whatever they want! On a more serious note, when I was poor and single, I loved getting these because it meant I could get gas in my car and a movie ticket. It's really helpful for those strapped for cash. $25 is good here.

Restaurant Gift Cards 
If your long lost high school friend loves chain restaurants you could get a Cheesecake Factory gift card. For those who are "foodies" you can get them a Cheesecake Factory gift card and then laugh later about how they had to go to that poorly decorated abomination. I kid. People love food and going out and, if you really want to impress, give them a "date night" set of cards that let's them eat and then enjoy a movie or bowling. $25, or enough for two people to eat and give a tip.

Department Store Gift Cards
Great for the more "mature" tastes on your last minute list. Seniors, maybe all of us, love gift cards to Macy's, Nordstrom, or Sears. They can get a scarf, jewelry, make up, shoes, etc. You may need to give more ($50) but at least your mother-in-law can get something they really want. That will make everyone happy.

Amazon Gift Cards
This is what I'd love. If you are a human under the age of 60, you can't go wrong here. Any $.

That's it. So, tell me. What else is there? How have you used gift cards? Do you hate them? Express your feelings in the comments.


Also, this post borrowed a few ideas from a post you can read here.

Best Book Gift Ideas

I'm a reader. Always have been. And I love books. And I love nothing more than getting and giving books as gifts. In fact, my family invented a whole holiday around the idea of buying ourselves new books. And I love giving books. I think it takes the anxiety Chris described yesterday out of giving gifts. It's a book you love that you think they will love too. And if they don't, well then it is probably months after the gift giving occasion so you never have to know about it.

So with that said, I present to you my top books to give as gifts this Christmas. These are not necessarily my favorite books (stay tuned for PT Author's year end wrap up the week after Christmas for that!) but are books that I think you could unequivocally give as gifts (or buy for yourself.)

For your dad, who is a bit of a nerd and who once bought you a 6 foot long map of the world of the Book of Mormon to enhance your personal study

Maphead by Ken Jennings Remember Ken Jennings, that Mormon guy who won a bunch of money on jeopardy and became like the best player ever and even played against a computer? Well, turns out he is super funny and wrote a book about maps. Which sounds weird and boring, but is actually fascinating and funny and well written. And your Dad would love it. It's full of lots of odd facts that he can tell you later when he's already talked to you about the weather when you call home. What's that? That's just my dad? Ok.

For your sister who is a nutritionist but who likes dystopian fiction and was super excited when the Hajukari Mini line launched at Target because she loves anything Japanese.

The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi. This is one of those books that throws you into the deep end and expects you to figure out who everyone is and how this world works. Basically, it takes place in a future earth where the world has been ravaged by climate change and bio-terrorism. In this world where oil wells have run dry Anderson is a calorie man - a corporate employee who must seek out new foods that haven't been destroyed and lost by rampant genetic engineering. I know my description is making this sound like the Steam Punk version of the Weight Watchers handbook, but it isn't. It is gorgeously written and I'm a sucker for a good world-builder, which Bacigalupi certainly is.

For your Aunt who loves to watch CSI but got her major in Medieval Studies from an all girl's liberal arts college.

The Hangman's Daughter by Oliver Potzsch. Apparently, back in the medieval days of yore, hangmen weren't just executioners. They were also police officers, jailers, interrogators and detectives. And when a drowned boy is pulled from a river with the mark of a witch on him, the hangman has to find the real killer before the town gets wrapped up in Witch Hunting Fever. Also, he has a daughter. Thrilling and well written - it just feels grimy, like a book set in 1659 should.

For your Mom who got a kindle last year and only reads ebooks now and who loves a good science fiction tale and secretly likes when girls kick butt.

Wool by Hugh Howey. This book is newly available in actual paper book form because when I first read it it was only available on Kindle. It's one of those inspiring/depressing stories about someone who wrote a book and then ventured out on their own and published it (this one was published in 5 parts no less) and now has a movie deal and a contract and a writing career. But Howey deserves it. This is a clever science fiction book set in a world where humanity all live inside a giant hanger buried underground because the rest of the world is unsafe to live in. And when people get too restless and antsy for the outside world they are put in a suit and sent out - ostensibly to clean the camera lens that shows the outside world. But no one ever returns from these cleaning trips.

For your recently divorced Uncle who is a foodie and a gourmand and a glutton, but who thinks Sandra Lee is for a knob. 

Blood, Bones and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton. I, too, got sucked into the food writing world post Kitchen Confidential. And even though there were some great food memoirs, most of them were just garbage interspersed with lame recipes. But this book is different. It is unromantic look at food and an honest memoir about Hamilton's less than perfect life. It's compelling and beautifully written, even if you are not a wannabe chef.

For your goth Nephew who dresses in black and paints his fingernails and keeps telling you how you need to watch Dexter because it is so amazing.

I Am Not a Serial Killer by Dan Wells. John Wayne Cleaver is obsessed with serial killers (He also happens to be accidentally named after one and after a knife.) But he works had to seem normal and keep his creepy instincts in check. But then, someone starts killing people in his town. And it seems to be the work of a serial killer. And John has to release the beast inside himself to get into the mind of the killer to stop him before he strikes again. I loved it.

For your best friend who was teased in high school because of that giant mouth piece she wore.

Wonder by R.J. Palacio. August Pullman is severely deformed and has always been home schooled so he doesn't have to deal with the inevitable teasing mainstream school would cause him. But in the 5th Grade, he decides to attend public school where he wants to be treated like a normal kid, but his classmates have a tough time getting past his looks. The story unfolds from the points of view of different characters, so you get to see sides of the story you though you already understood through someone else's eyes. If you have ever been bullied, or felt left out, or bullied someone or did something to fit in, or have a human soul, you should read this book. 

Let's see...yep, I think I covered everyone on your list. And if you are done with your shopping, pick up a couple of these for yourself. No pressure. If you hate them, you don't have to tell me. Any books you are buying as gifts this Christmas? Any books you hope you get? Let me know in the comments. 

Want to keep up with what I am reading and share your recommendations? Follow me on Goodreads.

You Want Gift Ideas?!

You've come to the right place.

Alright let's get started.  You got crap you gotta get done and frankly it's December 11th, some people are done will all this, but not you. So let me knock out your perfect gifts and then you can move on to other blogs that are doing nothing to get you ready for the big day...not us...that's why you came here first.

Neighbors: 
You sort of like them, but the real point is you need to be prepared if they come over and give you something you need something thoughtful and generic.

Boom!  The Monogram Mug, easy you don't even have to know the persons first name, just give them the first letter you see on the mail box.  Or if you really don't know these people, get a "Q", it's a charming letter also, looks adorable filled with Q-tips in the guest bathroom...and you thought this was going to be a funny, not helpful post...wrong again lady.

Kids:  
I do recommend reading yesterdays post by Ken, it's magic.  But if you are over your budget in magic, then might I suggest, a book:

The Little Prince.  It's an amazingly beautiful pop-up book with lots of pictures and words, so if you are looking for your youngest or dumbest child, get them a Monogram Mug...least they'll learn one letter.



Sister-in-Law:
You know the one I'm talking about, she's nice but only comes to Sunday dinner like three times a year, and you drew her name and now you're at a loss because you know your brother is waiting to see if you really like her or not.  Easy.

It's one of these vases.  BLAM-O! No, really, that Tiffany Blue Vase with the Coral Chrysanthemum is $28.00 and she will die, it shows you think she has swuper cute taste and that you and her do have one thing in common. It's that vase.

Sister:
You love her and she is off in DC, still single, and living the sexy life you once had before you married me.  Well, PTA comes through for you here too.

It's this sweater, now you're thinking "A sweater? Really, I mean, it's a cute one, but for my baby sister?"  YES.  She is out there all alone and for some reason is looking rock star sexy, this sweater gives the gift of style mingled with modesty, a little baggy, a little boob snugging, she'll love it and you will have done your part.
You're welcome.

Mom:
Luckily she's easy, she's been dropping hints since October, but she's right. You knew it before she told you.

Royal Apothic Conservatory Collection Eau De Parfum: Noble Carnation.  For reals I have smelled this stuff and it is intoxicating. Also I have smelled your mom and she thinks she smells like this, but she doesn't, she will love it and so will your dad...gross.

Finally...

Husband:
He wants a flat screen.  Nothing funny there.  I wish I could be more help, but you chose him, luckily you only said, " 'till death do you part." That way you can shop around Heaven and find a guy who wants this for Christmas:

A Bamboo Mouse and Keyboard.  But no.  He wants a flat screen.  The one tip I can give you is that he wants it bigger then the one he has, also to find that measurement, use your fabric tape measurer (your grandmothers) and measure diagonally across the screen, just the screen sweetie, then take that number to the guy at Best Buy and tell him the next one up from that, he'll know what to do.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS from all of us at PTA! 


*All the afore mentioned gifts can be got at your local Anthropologie...where else.

since you asked...

I’m excited for the opportunity to express what I want for father’s day publicly, because somehow it’s easier to ask for expensive presents from my wife online than in person. There’s a certain chickenish hesitation I have in asking for pricey items face to face; I need to gear myself up before I do it. A good stiff drink and a pep talk seem to help, but at the end of the day I’m still a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking for an ipad or something. So this is really a great idea, Josh, since it allows me to ask for what I want and then cower under a digital rock while I wait for Lisa to respond.

What I want for father’s day is two new suits. Is that so big of a deal? I’m in London this month and I found a shop on High Street Kensington selling two suits for one; and the suits are really sharp! European tailoring, great fabrics. Bottom line? I gotta have one! Or two. Because it’s a two for one sale. Normally I wouldn’t get all excited about some dumb suits, but since I’m a counselor in the bishopric I am de facto expected to wear suits every Sunday. It’s become, for me, sort of a uniform. And I’ve resolved myself into thinking that the suits I currently have, which are cut and tailored for middle-aged men, are really my only options. If you go to Mr. Mac or Men’s Wearhouse or Jos A Bank you have to settle for these big, bulky suits with boxy jackets and pleated pants. And those are the worst things for gentlemen built like myself: wide shoulders and skinny legs. I wind up looking like a classy butterball turkey, or a clown executive. But what are my options? I hate the way I look in suits, but there’s no choice. Outside the military, no one seems to like wearing uniforms.

But if I had two new suits, suits cut for men who aren’t big inflated blueberries, I think I would be excited to wear them. And I would be more excited for church! And my testimony would continue to strengthen week by week. So everybody wins here, right? But mostly me. I mostly win. And isn’t that what father’s day is all about? Letting dad win? (and also personal salvation?)

So, if you know my wife, drop her a line. Check in to offer your support for two new, crisply tailored suits for her husband who has to be at church sometimes 8 hours on a Sunday. Remind her I'll still have to be gone all that day, but at least she can rest easy in the knowledge that I'll be looking super suave as I count the tithing.

A Very Part Time Authors' Father's Day

I’m sure I don’t need to point out to you that this coming Sunday is our nation’s most treasured holiday, coming in just after Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day, Halloween, Fourth of July, New Year’s, Groundhog Day (mostly because of the movie), and Free Scoop Day at Ben & Jerry’s…that’s right, Father’s Day!

If you’ve been reading Part Time Authors for a while now, then first of all – thank you! – but more to my point, you’ve probably come to a few conclusions about each of us. Like that Josh loves to cook, Chris stars in commercials, Patrick can beat the crap out of drunk people, Brett is adept at Internet Surfing, and I am lucky to call these gentleman some of my most treasured friends.

But what better way to really get to know somebody then to find out what kind of gifts they prefer to receive?! I ask you, WHAT? Okay, you who suggested a rousing game of Truth or Dare; that’s probably accurate, but this is neither the place nor the appropriate decade.

So this week, each of us at PTA will be sharing with you, our cherished readers, what we want for Father’s Day. And I am going to try with all the strength of my soul to not go with the same answers I have gone with since childhood – 1) A personal machine that prints an unending supply of money and 2) the ability to fly.

Let’s see, I have seven children, so that’s seven gifts, right?

1. I would like to take a Father’s Day nap right here.

2.  I think it would be great to receive, gift-wrapped for Father’s Day, a wildly successful reality TV show starring my family! It could be called Ken & Kate, Plus 8. Though that would require we produce another child. Maybe we could go with Katie & Ken, Plus 7. Think of it! Wouldn't you watch that show?! An LDS family that home births, home schools, and lives in the Caribbean! (We are willing to move.) Think of the controversy! The fish-out-of-water, slice-of-life episodes! The paychecks!

3. A lifetime supply of this deliciousness.

4. A dinner party with my PTA friends, plus the cast of Parks & Rec.

5. To be paid writer; successful in the book publishing industry, as well as Hollywood screenplays, sketch comedy, and Hallmark cards.

6. An all-expense paid, month-long vacation with my family, traveling the world!

7. The ability to fly! (I can't help myself.)

(This is the only quasi-superhero outfit I've recently tried on. It looks an awful lot like a wet-suit.)

So tune in each day and find out what we at PTA are truly searching for this Father's Day. And for the love of heaven, join the party and leave a comment letting us know what you would like as well. Maybe we'll get it for you! (Probably not, though. I have a feeling that the other guys have already blown our annual budget by flying in the cast of Parks & Rec for Sunday dinner! Can't wait!)

The Perfect Mother's Day Gift

Folks, if you’re like me, you’ve already been dedicating countless hours of each day to planning and designing the perfect Mother's Day Gift. Also if you’re like me, you’ve recently lied about how much time you’ve spent planning the perfect Mother's Day gift this year.

But if you’re wondering how to make this Mother's Day sparkle and shine, here is a very good place to begin. 

That’s right, the four of us at Part Time Authors want to make you aware of a Very Special Mother's Day gift package that will include (wait for it)…OUR BOOK! 

Additionally, this special gift package will include a pretty bookmark, and chocolate truffles! I can’t speak for the other Part Time Authors (but I’m going to) when I say that the four of us will certainly be gifting this incredible deal to one of the Mothers in our lives. (For example: My own mother. Or Katie, the mother of my children. Or Mama Cass, who I believe is dead, and therefore I get the chocolate truffles all to myself.)

We will provide some further details (such as cost, etc.) as this promotion takes off. For now, I just wanted to make you aware of this special opportunity, before you ventured out shopping together, took your mom or wife to a showing of The Hunger Games, or went for the go-to gift of vinyl lettering.

PLUS, if you order this special Mother's Day gift, then all four Part Time Authors will deliver the gift personally and sing a barbershop quartet version of “I Often Go Walking In Meadows of Clovers.” And there I go, lying again.