27 pieces of really good life advice

Image: mentalfloss.com

Confession. I haven't watched the LDS General Conference yet. We were traveling and it's on our DVR but, as soon as we got back, Amelia had to go right into prepping a trio of film shoots so ... I can't give you a heartfelt post of learning like Ken and Josh.

So, I cheated. I compiled a list of things that I think are great pieces of advice but that I just got of the Internet. Cheesy? Yes. Still, I think it's good stuff.

Read more.
Do more with less.
Be reliable.
Find out who you really are and be that person.
Execution is everything.
Scare yourself a little bit every day.
Yoga pants aren't pants.
Don’t buy a lot of stuff.
Be humble and curious.
Be as useful as you can.
Make your home a place where you and your family feel safe.
Remember those who helped you. Give back.
Help people who have never helped you and can’t.
Pain is temporary.
Commit to things that are beyond your ability.
Meet with friends more.
Learn to really listen.
Walk more.
Apologize more.
Say no when you need to.
Do things that are uncool.
Find your voice.
Examine your jealousy.
Address small problems.
Dress like a cooler version of yourself.
Find mentors.
Courage is a learned skill.
Everyone feels like they’re not good enough. It’s not just you.

What is the best advice you've gotten? Comment on our FB page.

How to Lose a Woman Forever According to Travis McGee

Recently, I read a post by Raymond Bechard on The Good Men Project that made me think.

The post mentions a series of books by John D. MacDonald that feature a “Salvage Consultant” named Travis McGee who finds important things for people. What's interesting about the books is that McGee often philosophizes about life, humanity, and what it takes to be a man. I haven't read these books so I'm taking Bechard's word for it but he writes that reading them helped him look at life and being a man differently.

The post focuses on McGee's observations about women, which men's magazines have ripped off for 50 years. I bet some of his stuff is funny to us now in the '10s but Bechard summarizes McGee's most valuable piece of advice:

"Treat a woman so that she knows you believe she is the most important and interesting person you have ever met and will ever meet."

Now, if I had to judge my relationships past and present on that one piece of advice, the truth is that I'd fail. That's why it hit me hard. That's why I'm trying to be better.

To help me (us) Bechard compiled McGee's philosophies into is a list of rules to break if you would like to lose a woman forever. Here are a few from the post. Read the full article here.

1. Don’t protect her. She’s a big girl. There’s no reason to help her feel safe in the way she needs to feel safe. There are no guarantees in life so it’s not rational to expect security in relationships. (And nothing is more rational than love.) Her emotional security is paramount to her. This means she wants to rely on you to always be there for her and can count on you to be her best friend. Allow her to feel alone and abandoned, and you will experience both. 

2. Don’t respect her. Simple. Treat her like crap. If she doesn’t take it, she’ll leave and you’ll be miserable. If she does, she’ll stay and you’ll both be miserable. Treating her like the extraordinary woman she is will only increase her expectations, attitude, and hope, and courage, and affection, and love.

3. Don’t listen to her. Every time she talks either tune her out or try to solve her problems. Do not, under any circumstances come to the realization that her feel­ings are the prob­lem she needs to  communicate to you. She doesn’t want you to DO anything. (After all, if she wanted your help she would ask for it. Seriously, she will.) And if you wanted her to feel closer to you than anyone else in the world you would not listen to her prob­lems, but to her feel­ings. That takes paying sharp attention to her and learning how to really listen beyond her words. You would have to look at her as a person of near limitless emotional capacity. And all of that would only show her how much you truly value her. Who has that kind of time?

5. Take her for granted. Let her know she’s nothing special. Devalue everything she does, especially the things she does for you. If you want to make her miserable, sad, hopeless, or just lose her self-esteem make sure she knows she really doesn’t mean that much to you. You can’t be bothered with the fact that she’ll be looking for some kind of positive affirmation from you every day. And giving it to her is not something you can do once a month or week, on holidays or special occasions. She knows you appreciate her when you work at it all the time, especially those times when you don’t have to.

7. Don’t let her know she is interesting. Don’t show any interest in her life, her passions, her story, her friends, work, hobbies, troubles, etc. Showing her she bores you is the best way to prove to her that she will never be her best with you.

10. Don’t kiss her. If you don’t want her, don’t touch her. And especially don’t kiss her. However, if you want to be a man, shut up and take five completely uninterrupted minutes every day to hold her and kiss her.

13. Don’t compliment her. If you want her to find proof that she is attractive from someone else, don’t show her how attracted you are to her. If you want her to know how much you adore her, tell her how your attraction to her makes you feel. “Seeing your eyes make me feel like I’m really home,” is better than, “You have nice eyes.” But don’t do that. You’d have to examine all the great feelings she gives you. And who needs that much self awareness?

16. Don’t romance her. Your first date was a long time ago. No need to act like that idiot anymore. It’s probably best to just settle into a routine and ignore her need for unique expressions of your love for her. On the other hand, if you bring her out on a “first date” once in a while, or go out of your way for her romantically, you will reset the emotional freshness of her heart and your relationship.

19. Don’t change your habits. Let pride be your guide. Never improve. You’ve gone far too long becoming just as perfect as you are. Why switch up your game now? Remember, compromise and consideration has no place in relationships … unless you want them to work. Anyway, who has strength enough to be flexible?

20. Hate apologizing. If you wanted to make this work, you would love apologizing. Point out your mistakes and apologize for them until she tells you to stop. But, that will only make her trust you and rely on your decency and trustworthiness as a man.

21. Don’t learn what emotional intimacy is. Forget that emotional intimacy is the utterly close connection that will exist only when you are truly committed to and trust one another. It means you are both devoted to the well being and individual growth of the other, that you fully trust her and her you. It means knowing with absolute certainty that you are perfectly safe with each other. So, you would have to take the time to find a woman with whom you can build trust and be yourself. Worst of all it would mean not just accepting her for who she is, but celebrating who she is.

What do you think? I'd like to hear from both men and women on this one. What do you do that let's the person you love know that you really want to be with them?

Delicate Etiquette: Can Manners of the 1880s Help Us in 2013?

A few years ago I came across a post on The Art of Manliness that listed etiquette from a book called "Hill’s Manual of Social and Business Forms" published in 1880. (Read AoM's full post here.)

The article lists examples of things a gentleman in 1880 was to do or not to do. Below I have listed a few of my favorites with personal commentary in italics where possible:

• Never exaggerate. Oops. I always exaggerate about everything.
• Never laugh at the misfortunes of others. What am I supposed to do when I have lunch with friends?
• Never send a present, hoping for one in return. This is why I don't send presents.
• Never speak much of your own performances. Instead, ask people how you did.
• Never make yourself the hero of your own story. It's more fun to be the anti-hero.
• Never question a child about family matters. Especially my children. They know too much.
• Never present a gift saying that it is of no use to yourself. "Happy birthday! I couldn't use it but here's a healthy self-image."
• Never call attention to the features or form of anyone present. True, have you read "Wonder"?
• Never associate with bad company. Have good company, or none. Poison or Warrant is, however, just fine.
• Never look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing. Seriously makes me want to murder.
• Never appear to notice a scar, deformity, or defect of anyone present. Aka, don't take your kids anywhere in public.
• Never punish your child for a fault to which you are addicted yourself. How am I supposed to know what they're addicted to ... hang on, Josh just tagged me on Instagram.
• Never, when traveling abroad, be over boastful in praise of your own country. U-S-A, U-S-A!
• Never attempt to draw the attention of the company constantly upon yourself. Have you ever been in a room full of actors?
• Never enter a room noisily; never fail to close the door after you, and never slam it. That rules out French farce.
• Never will a gentleman allude to conquests which he may have made with ladies. Fine. I'll stop talking about that time Amelia and I climbed Mt. Everest while fighting a gang of snow leopards.
• Never fail to offer the easiest and best seat in the room to an invalid, an elderly person, or a lady. It's still a problem ... watch.
• Never give all your pleasant words and smile to strangers. The kindest words and the sweetest smiles should be reserved for home. Home should be our heaven. Amen.

In all seriousness, it's a new year. Maybe we can resolve to try a few of these and see what happens? Which old-timey customs, etiquette and rules would you like to see more abundantly revived in 2013? What are you guilty of? Let us know in the comments.

A Spoonful of Kid Praise

Normally, I’m pretty skeptical about any new-age pop-psychology mumbo jumbo slapped onto a magnet and strategically placed front and center on a refrigerator. However I recently came across one such attention-grabbing public notice, and I have to admit, I was intrigued.

It read: 101 Ways to Praise a Child

It was produced by some company that goes by the name of Nannies & Housekeepers U.S.A. At first I was discouraged, as it appeared that it was something solely created for nannies, which we don’t have because a) we don’t have the money, and b) there is only one Mary Poppins, and I don’t think she’s available. But although it was targeted at nannies, I couldn’t help wonder if it might work for parents too, as they sometimes interact with their own children as well.

I decided to give it a shot.

I've carried it around in my pocket for a week now, and I’ve really noticed a difference in my children’s confidence. Used to be that when they ran up to tell me about some accomplishment, I just didn’t know how to react. But now I do!

I tried it out on my oldest first.

Oldest Daughter:  Dad, I made 8 loaves of bread today.

Me: (Scanning the card for the right thing to say) You’re a pleasure to know!  (Nailed it.)

Middle Child: Dad, I drew this picture for you.

Me: What a great listener!

Youngest Son: Dad, I had an accident when I couldn’t climb up on the toilet fast enough.

Me: You’ve earned my respect!

Baby: Pffffpts.

Me: Thanks for caring!

Oldest Son: Dad, in Scouts we talked about coin collections.

Me: The time you put in really shows!

Middle Daughter: (And I wish I were making this one up…) Dad, listen to the song I memorized from West Side Story! “My daddy beats my mommy; my mommy clobbers me; my grandpa is a commie; my grandma pushes tea; my sister wears a mustache; my brother wears a dress! Goodness! Gracious! That’s why I’m a mess!”

Me: Class act!

So, turns out, as you can plainly see, that sometimes this stuff really works! I can really tell a difference in my children’s attitudes. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that if this parenting thing doesn’t work out, I could totally be a nanny. Kenny Poppins.