The article lists examples of things a gentleman in 1880 was to do or not to do. Below I have listed a few of my favorites with personal commentary in italics where possible:
- Never exaggerate. Oops. I always exaggerate about everything.
- Never laugh at the misfortunes of others. What am I supposed to do when I have lunch with friends?
- Never send a present, hoping for one in return. This is why I don't send presents.
- Never speak much of your own performances. Instead, ask people how you did.
- Never make yourself the hero of your own story. It's more fun to be the anti-hero.
- Never question a child about family matters. Especially my children. They know too much.
- Never present a gift saying that it is of no use to yourself. "Happy birthday! I couldn't use it but here's a healthy self-image."
- Never call attention to the features or form of anyone present. True, have you read "Wonder"?
- Never associate with bad company. Have good company, or none. Poison or Warrant is, however, just fine.
- Never look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing. Seriously makes me want to murder.
- Never appear to notice a scar, deformity, or defect of anyone present. Aka, don't take your kids anywhere in public.
- Never punish your child for a fault to which you are addicted yourself. How am I supposed to know what they're addicted to ... hang on, Josh just tagged me on Instagram.
- Never, when traveling abroad, be over boastful in praise of your own country. U-S-A, U-S-A!
- Never attempt to draw the attention of the company constantly upon yourself. Have you ever been in a room full of actors?
- Never enter a room noisily; never fail to close the door after you, and never slam it. That rules out French farce.
- Never will a gentleman allude to conquests which he may have made with ladies. Fine. I'll stop talking about that time Amelia and I climbed Mt. Everest while fighting a gang of snow leopards.
- Never fail to offer the easiest and best seat in the room to an invalid, an elderly person, or a lady. It's still a problem ... watch.
- Never give all your pleasant words and smile to strangers. The kindest words and the sweetest smiles should be reserved for home. Home should be our heaven. Amen.
