Last week a friend chastised me on Instagram for posting three pictures in one day. I reminded her that you are allowed to post three pictures a day on Instagram, but only if you are on vacation. And then Brett commented that he didn't knew there were rules for Instagram. Come on, Brett! Get with the picture! Everyone knows, or should know the following:
INSTAGRAM RULES (There's only 10 listed here, but there's probably a billion more)
1. You can only post three pictures in one day if you are on vacation. On an average day you are allowed one picture, and maybe two (but you can't do this every day. And the two pictures better be either linked somehow or posted at minimum 8 hours apart.)
2. You are not allowed to take a bunch of "selfies" with you making duck lips. You are not allowed!
3. Ladies, no pictures of your legs and shoes! Even if you love them. We will not "like" these. It makes you seem bored.
4. Don't overfilter! If your picture becomes too technicolor, it makes us sick to our stomachs. Don't send Wonka pics. (I am guilty of this.)
5. NO NAKED CHILDREN
6. Instagram is a wonderful tool for bragging. Post away. Make us jealous. That's the point! But if you post a big braggy picture (like of your abs) (or you and a celebrity) please don't give us some humble-bragging in the description ("not quite there on my workouts - but close!") ("so blessed to have met Natalie Portman.") Be a bold, irritating bragger! ("Check out my abs!!! I HOTT") ("Yo, I'm hanging with Portman and y'all are in PROVO!!!) Humble bragging is the worst.
7. Are we done with hashtags yet? Is that still a thing?
8. I don't like the new video feature. Do you guys like it? I guess I haven't used it. I have a Droid - does it work on a Droid? I like the picture to hold still so I can look at it. I'm frightened of moving pictures. I will not "like" them.
9. Inside jokes on Instagram? Are they ever a good idea? Ask yourself this: "will more than two people enjoy this picture?" If the answer is no, just maybe text those two people your picture. I don't like being confused about your life and your friends.
10. Let's make a pact. As soon as our moms and dads start using Instagram, we'll all bail. Cool? I think we learned our lesson with facebook, right?
