my les mis review!

The people from Guinness just called to let me know that I am now, officially, the last human being alive who  has not seen the new Les Miserables movie. Are you surprised? I am. I thought I would have seen it a week ago. But truth be told, the holidays were busy and I only got one night off to see a movie, and I chose Django Unchained, which was amazing and which I do not regret.

Luckily, 4000 of my dearest friends, relatives, and neighbors saw it and everyone seemed super excited weigh in on Facebook. I know you know what I'm talking about. Did you hear the people sing? Facebook exploded in reds and blacks last week, and everyone seemed to have an opinion crying out to share. So, having thoroughly read them all, I would like to now write for you my own review of Les Miserables, based on everything I heard and read last week.

Les Miserables is sweeping and epic! It will seriously blow your mind. Take whatever expectations you had, double them, and prepare to be blown out of your seat. Except it's not as good as I expected. In fact, it was weird seeing it on screen. It doesn't really work as a movie; they should have left it on stage! I hate when Hollywood comes along, steals a Broadway classic, and tries to make a film out of it. You just can't capture theatrical magic.

I thought the singing was amazing. I'm so glad they cast actors who can ACTUALLY sing! Except most of them. I thought some of them were fine, but a few of them were way off! They couldn't hold a note in a bucket if they had to. Why does Hollywood keep casting these people who can't sing and expect us to like it? I hate when people can't sing. I actually loved how the director had the actors singing live! What a cool idea. Except it didn't really work. Everyone talked through their songs and nobody sang! WTF?

Hugh Jackman was amazing. His voice was incredible. Except it was a little nasal and I got tired of it halfway through. I liked his make-up a lot. They made him get older! Anne Hathaway was INCREDIBLE. She'll get an Oscar for sure. She was by far the strongest performance in the show. But I thought she pushed it a little. She was trying way too hard. Sometimes she cried too much. Good try, Anne Hathaway! Amanda Seyfried was perfect for Cosette, she sings like a tweety bird. Eddie Redmayne shakes his jaw too much. I loved Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter as the Thenardiers! They were so over the top! I loved it. Except I feel like they were holding back. They could have gone way farther with it. Why so subtle? And so gross! Could you believe how gross they were? It was way worse than it was onstage. They could have gone way farther.

(At this point I reveal that no one, NO ONE, said one word about Eponine. I can't review her. Literally nobody has mentioned her. Was she in it?)

Russell Crowe was the WORST part of this movie. I liked the whole thing except Russell Crowe. He can't sing and he was just all growly the whole time. I thought he did a beautiful job showing the hidden pain of Javert, though. And I liked how he kept his character so militant and controlled. He's such a fantastic actor. Too bad he's the worst part of this movie and I don't even want to think about how bad he was! He did an OK job, though.

Basically, to recap, Les Miserables is amazing and sweeping and you will cry. You will cry and cry and cry. It will move you! It didn't move me at all, but that's just how I am. I like the stage play way better. The movie will change your life, though. Honestly. You won't stop thinking about it for days. Unless you are thinking about how disappointed you were. You might like it. It's pretty good. It was way better when my high school did it.

Ranking the December 2012 Movie Releases

It's the holiday season which, for me, means it's time to watch movies until my eyes bleed. I'm so excited about the December movie season that I've created a list of ranking each movie coming out this month, in order of best to worst, so you know how to best spend your holiday viewing time. Here you go.*

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Somehow they turned a 320 page book into the movies. I sort of don't care because Martin Freeman is going to own the role of Bilbo Baggins. The book itself is sort of anti-climatic but I know Peter Jackson will find a way to make each movie great.

Les Misérables: I know it's cliché but this is my favorite musical ever, probably. It's between this and Sweeny Todd. Anyway, the previews are heartbreaking and I can't wait to see it. Read Josh's post here to watch a bunch of stuff about it.

Django Unchained: There's nothing like Christmas and Tarantino.

This is 40: I love Paul Rudd. Like in a manly, I-wish-I-were-him, comedy-idol sort of way. It's an unnecessary sequel thing but I bet there's enough laughs in it to chase the winter depression away for a few hours.

Monsters Inc (in 3D): I cry every time. Every time. "Kitty!"

Jack Reacher: It was a real "reach" to release a movie where Tom Cruise plays Jason Bourne and "jacks" the bad guys up and makes things explode. We've seen it all before but it still might be fun.

The Guilt Trip: Seth Rogen and Streisand. Road trip. Ugh. My wife thinks this looks good. I'll see it with her if we've exhausted all other options except the ones below.

Parental Guidance: Billy Crystal? I thought he died after hosting the Oscars last year. That was last year, right?

Cirque Du Soleil: Worlds Away (in 3D): I don't even know why this is on here. To me, if you can't see this live, why would you watch it?

Playing for Keeps: Dear Gerard Butler, please go away.

How about you? What would your list look like?

*I have not included those films marked Limited Release because I live in a place where those movies rarely play. 

Do You Hear the People Sing?

Last night, my friend Kacy posted this video on Facebook.

So I watched it. Then I cried. Then I watched it again. Then I cried again. They I realized. My excitement for the new Les Miserable movie has reached critical mass. Basically I am so overwhelmingly excited that unless Jesus himself appears at the end of the movie and hands out cheesecakes to everyone in the theatre, it won't live up to my expectations. They are simply too high.

You feel the same way? Remember a few months ago when this trailer came out and you were so excited?

You were shocked, right? You didn't know Anne Hathaway could sing. You thought she could only marry gay cowboys and dress like a cat to rob buildings. And everyone loves Hugh Jackman and Russel Crowe. And of course you adore Amanda Seifried, but mostly because she reminds you of Veronica Mars. (Remember how you totally figured out who killed Lilly Kane halfway through the season and it made you feel awesome?)

And they you got your Theatre Geek on and made a new Pandora station called Theatre Geek so that while you were cleaning the house you could put in your headphones and belt Sweeny Todd and Big River and Newsies Into the Woods and your kids would laugh and point at you and you didn't care. (Plenty of people have laughed and pointed at you for singing show tunes in your life, amirite?? Bring it on, kids!)

Then you went to see a movie with friends. (Perks of Being a Wallflower - awesome.) and there was another Les Miserable trailer. Awesome!!! And you saw this:

 

Well...that was...interesting. That's cool  how they sing live. It was a little...indulgent seeming and it was like 7 min long. But, whatever. This movie is going to RULE!

Then you went to see another movie (Pitch Perfect - also kind fantastic) and you saw the same extended trailer again.

And then you started to wonder if the producers of Les Miserable were trying to annoy you by showing this trailer everywhere. When Hugh Jackman talks about his acting choices like he is curing cancer, it starts to seem a bit self important. (Sweet Jesus, what has he done, indeed?) And when Anne Hatheway says it would be incredibly selfish to "try and go for the pretty version" it seemed like maybe, just maybe, the people making this movie were taking it incredibly seriously. Perhaps too seriously. Perhaps.

But then you saw the next trailer and you got chills and cried and all was forgiven:

Because despite how awesome the actors in this movie want to tell you it is going to be, it probably is going to be pretty awesome. And we all know we are going to go opening weekend. In fact, let's all go together. Who's with me?!