Let it Grow!

As Ken stated yesterday we at Part Time Authors are diving deep into the subliminal messaging of one of the Seasons biggest hits:

Frozen

So, a few days ago this lady went off on her blog about how Frozen had a hidden "Gay Agenda".  For some reason it really got to me. Why was she hunting for the scheme in this movie.  I mean, never mind the themes that the movie was overtly targeting: a sisters love counts as 'True Love', don't use Shame as a parenting technique, Beware the prince who falls is love too fast...all of them new for Disney and great take-a-ways.  BUT, some lady, who I will not link to, went and saw this movie (three times cause her grandkids really super wanted to so who cares what kind of agenda it has), then blogged all over me about it's secret gayness.  She seemed to think that because Elsa finds out at a young age that she has powers that others don't and her parents tell her to hide them and then she finally "Let's Them Go!" it means she's a gay. Even though, at the end of the movie Elsa learns to control her "powers" (ie gayness) and is accepted right back into the kingdom, which is decidedly contrary to the Gay Agenda...I looked it up, they are not about getting themselves under control to fit back into society...even if they did get to be the Queens!  Ba-Dum-Ching!

It's not that she found Gayness where there is none...well, the snowman does have a lisp...it's the fact that while I was sitting in the movie with my daughter for the second time, I was holding back from enjoying something to find trickery.  Now, I'm sure that it happens and maybe it's even happening in this movie...hang on...it is true that the first time I saw this movie I looked like this:

But Frozen opened in November and now I look like this: 

I know?!  My hair has totally stopped being cut!  I really can't explain it...well, I COULDN'T but now things are perfectly clear.  I just...wait for it...wait for it...you know what's coming...but you still have to wait...I just...op! Not yet...here it comes....

I JUST LET IT GO!!!!

When it came time to cut my hair there was Elsa in my mind begging me to not.  So I didn't.

Disney: One.

A well groomed Mormon Man: Zero!

So, there you go.  I guess I was wrong, the Disney Villains done did me in.  Please, don't go see this movie...who knows what you will unleash!  Ken is as Fat as a house and my hair has princes climbing it every time I throw it out the window!  What ya gonna do.

Alls I want is a world where we see a children's movie and we either like it or we don't, or we love it and learn every single word to every single song and blame our vast knowledge of a princess movie on our four year old girls.

Is that too much to ask?

A Frozen Conspiracy

If you’re plugged in to any social media at all then you probably noticed when, last week, a seam split and the world became unglued over the “hidden agenda” of  Disney’s Frozen.

I’m not going to point you in the direction of the impetus to this ice storm (you see what I did there?) because I don’t see how anything good can come from that. (Sidebar: If you’re trying to build a brand, then giving your blog a title that doesn’t always reflect your appearance seems like a misstep. I mean, otherwise we here at Part Time Authors would have named our blog cleanshavenmormonmen.com. But we didn’t. Because we aren’t always that.)

Aaaaanywhistle, here’s the thing. Is Frozen really pushing an agenda? Is this little cartoon making sweeping social commentary? Are we being brainwashed by the Disney machine?

You bet your sweet bippy.

Look at these lyrics:
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

Youguys. Disney clearly has an Anti-Diet agenda. The message here is simple: When it comes to trying to eat healthy and maintain your weight - just forget it. Let it go! Let yourself go! Let that waistline grow!

This is clearly a cross-promotion for the turkey legs, churros, and monte cristos found inside the Disney parks. Shameless! And it’s like they aren’t even embarrassed or trying to hide it, you guys!

I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let my stomach rage on,
Sweats never bothered me anyway

Disney is clearly a proponent of diabetes. I don’t have proof yet, but I’m pretty sure they are getting kickbacks from the FDA. The more people on insulin, the better - for Disney. Have they no shame? Have they NONE?!

Well, tune in to PTA this week and each day you will be privileged to find another Frozen conspiracy theory from another part time author, who has varying degrees of clean shaven-ness.

I love you, soft serve.

I'm kinda sorta in love with soft serve ice cream. And I know the middle of icy, frigid February seems an odd time to write this epistle. But right now I'm sitting on a white, sandy beach on Castaway Cay in the Bahamas. And I just finished a banana strawberry twist. 

Somehow, soft serve seems less guilty and less decadent than regular ice cream. As if, somehow, being soft means it's also low-cal. "Surely," we all think, "something extruded from a machine must be more akin to yogurt or porridge that actual frozen cream."  And this, my friends, is the primrose path to soft-serve induced fat hell. 

You get to Castaway Cay in the Bahamas aboard a Disney Cruise ship, which is where we are vacationing right now. We feel really lucky to be here, and if you ever get a chance to go, do it. It's as amazing as you think it would be. Great food, great amenities and the diet coke flows from the tap like water. And there is self-serve soft-serve at every turn. Which inspired me to try and eat my own weight in soft serve every day. 

Which is, of course, paradoxical and impossible. You see as you ingest soft serve you immediately get slightly fatter. And so you can't ever eat your actual weight because each bite increases your weight. It's like you're Sisyphus pushing a stone up a sweet, sweet mountain of chocolate and vanilla swirl. 

My wife's uncle owns a soft serve ice cream machine (and now that I've made you realize that was a possibility you want one too, right?). He breaks it out occasionally at family parties and BBQs. And when it is there in front of you, you literally want to put soft serve on everything. Put some on a brownie? Sure! In your Diet Coke to make a soft serve float? Absolutely. On your morning waffle? I'll take mine with strawberries.  Turkey sandwich? Why not?!?

Yes, hard ice cream is also amazing. It's like soft serves older, cooler brother who's traveled the world and contracted a fudge ripple in Vietnam. But it still feels great to be a kid and swirl that soft twisty goodness onto a cone until it's so high it starts to lean over under the weight of its own deliciousness. And just keep telling yourself it's basically the same thing as yogurt. Greek yogurt. Greek yogurt with flax seeds and kale. And just keep telling yourself that lie as you climb that mountain, Sisyphus. 

Coincidence? Maybe.

Do you believe in coincidences?  Or, more to the point, do you believe there are no coincidences? Do you feel that two experiences or events that are closely related by time or space or some other association … may have some purpose? And do you feel there’s a purpose … every time?  

It’s probably a hybrid of my faith as well as life experiences, but I fall in the No Coincidences camp. Although I will freely admit three things: First, it will not always be clear why a specific “coincidence” occurred and it may never be clear; not until the next life. Second, I believe our relationships in this life are purposeful and tied together. I don’t know that it is ever any type of “coincidence” to know the people we know. I would say, rather, it is Providence. And third, coincidences are rarely tied to birthdays. For example, consider the following conversation:

Friend #1: When is your birthday?

Friend #2: April.

Friend #1: MINE TOO! April WHAT?

Friend #2: April 13^th.

Friend #1: Mine is the 24^th! What are the odds??!

Uhm, the chances that two friends have a birthday in the same month? I’m no mathematician, but I believe the odds are…1 in 12? That’s not a coincidence, that’s algebra.

Anyway, I was recently listening to an NPR episode of This American Life, and they were re-telling stories that listeners had sent in regarding really incredible coincidences. I mean, some truly uncanny stuff.  Like a student who’s car broke down in rush hour traffic on a busy highway and the one person who happens to stop and come to her rescue – her dad; who lived four hours away. Or Steven and Helen, who get engaged and when their parents meet, they find out that Steven’s dad had dated Helen’s mom back in Korea in the 1960s. You can listen to the entire podcast here.

Of the many coincidences in my life – some profound and personal and some silly, here are two that jumped into my memory right away, for whatever reason.

Coincidence One: In January 2008 we were living in Las Vegas and our entire family took a vacation to Florida to visit some friends and go to Disney World. It was the end of the day at Magic Kingdom and my son decided he wanted a sword – a sword available only at the store just outside of Pirates of the Caribbean, on the other side of the park. Because I was campaigning for Dad of the Year, I didn't even complain, just grabbed his hand and bolted across the park. We’re buying the sword and the cashier looks at my credit card and license and says, “Hey, Las Vegas! Do you like living in Vegas?”

“Sure,” I answered.

“Oh, we live in Las Vegas!” said the couple directly behind us in line.

“Really?”

“Yes, what part do you live in?”

“Way up in the northwest,” I answered.

“So do we; we’re off the 95 and Durango.”

“So are we…we live off of Brent,” I raised my eyebrows.

“So do we, we live on Wind Warrior.”

“So do we,” I said.

Here I am, literally on the opposite end of this big country of ours, on a random night, in a random line, in a spot that I ran across the park to get to in a last-minute effort … to find myself standing next to a couple who lived precisely six houses up from me back in Las Vegas. We had never run into each other on the street or at neighborhood activities. We had to go to Disney World to bump into each other. Coincidence?

Coincidence Two: When I returned home from my LDS mission in the summer of 1992, my friend, Melissa, called me the next day and asked if she could visit. We had been good friends before I left on my mission, and I was excited to see her. We talked about life before my mission, I told her some of my mission experiences (as RMs are want to do) and she told me she was excited about her mission call to Iowa – where she would be heading in about two months. Outside of my family, Melissa was the first person I saw after my mission.

In the spring of 1994 I took a trip with some friends to St. Louis, Missouri. As part of our trip, we took a couple of days to drive up to Nauvoo and visit a few Church History sites. It was while we were on a tour of the site where the Prophet was martyred that one of my friends leaned over and whispered, “Somebody is staring at you.” I looked where my friend motioned and standing there, in the middle of Carthage Jail, mouth wide open, completely gob-smacked, was my friend, Melissa. You could have knocked me over with an issue of Times & Seasons. She was there with her parents, who had just picked her up at the end of her mission and decided to see some Church History sites before heading home to California. Outside of her family, I was the first person Melissa saw after her mission. Coincidence?

For the life of me, I cannot pin down any specific and life-altering reasons for these “coincidences.” I have a couple of theories and impressions…but I can’t point at a direct cause or effect. I don’t know the purpose. Yet.

Do you believe…in coincidences…? What are yours?

Disneyland makes me cry

If you are my friend on facebook or follow me on Instagram you probably already know I am at Disneyland this week. Today's our last day and, as all vacations with kids are, it has been the best of times and the worst of times.

I have a long history with the Land. When I was younger, my family would make an annual trip to Oceanside, California and stay in a beach house. One day of that vacation would be spent in Disneyland and I loved it. As a parent now, I don't know how my parents managed to drive 8 kids 800 miles and pay for a beach house and a day at Disneyland. But we loved it.

As a teenager, I fell in with a crowd of Disney fanatics. My friend Charlotte's family were Disney Obsessees. Her dad would work on a telethon that was filmed at Disneyland and they graciously invited me to to with them each year. We would go for a week at a time, or longer, and these were the days before California Adventure so we would spend 7 full days in the one park. We rode every ride, ate at every restaurant and cart and explored every shop, side street and back alley and soaked in all the great and amazing details. The details is what Disney does best.

I know some people (my Dad) don't really love the Land. The lines are too long. The prices are too high. The rides aren't thrilling enough. But for me, it's like a giant work of art. Every moment and detail there is choreographed to elicit the most joy and fun. The music matches the area you are in. The paint colors on the walls and the colors that would have been used when they area of America was built. Even the ground and plants are different throughout the park to enhance the theme. I love it all and my oldest is starting to point things out to me. "Look Dad! Those benches look like they are made of Popsicle sticks! Dad, it smells like cookies on main street!" A future Disney nerd is born.

So whenever I am here with my kids, I get emotional. A lot. I'm that Dad. It makes me so happy to see a things that brought me so much joy and happiness as a kid do the same thing for my kids. I cried three times the first day. (Once on Star Tours, because my boys were JUST SO HAPPY.) All week long I have seen my daughter wave to and say hello to every character we pass like they are her best friends. And yesterday I watched my middle son, who has Asperger's and anxiety issues, wave his hands to be chosen to do Jedi training. He stood patiently to get his light saber and listened to his Jedi master and followed the instructions, neither of which comes easily to him. I got to see him fight Darth Maul while his little sister (who thinks most rides are "too scawy.") dueled Darth Vader. And they both won.

Charlotte's mom, Adrienne, who was the mother of all our Disney trips as teenagers told me a story once. We were off being awesome teenagers and riding rides and she was by herself and was sitting at the Plaza Inn watching the parade. That year, it was a Lion King parade and there was a segment where the performers would hand out drums and rattles to the kids in the crowd to help them make the music. Adrienne told us how touched she was as she watched all these young moms and dads reach down and help their little ones play the drums. And in the background the characters were singing "The Circle of Life." Because of course they were (it's all in the details!!)

I think of that story a lot now that I am the dad, trying to help my kids have fun and discover all the things I loved about this place when I was their age. And yes, I balk a little bit when I have to pay $7 for a corn dog (I've got a little bit of my dad in me too.) But its worth it when I hear my boys laughing at the end of Space Mountain, or see my daughter hugging Snow White, who's always been her favorite. Or see my sons holding hands as they walk down the street. And yes, all of those things have made me tear up this week. It's just what Disney does to me.

I blogged about my favorite things to eat at Disneyland last year. Check it out!

What to Eat When You're at the Happiest Place on Earth

I'm a bit of a Disney lover. I went to the park a few times as a youngster when my parents would load all 8 (EIGHT!!) children in my family into 1 (ONE!!) van and drive to California for a week. We would hit Disney once while we were there, and true to form, it was magical and fantastical.

When I was in high school my best friend was, well let's call a spade a spade, a Disney nut. Her family went every year and because her dad did some work for the park, they would go for weeks at a time. And because they were a lovely and generous family, they started taking me along. Once, we went for 9 (NINE!!) days in a row to the Land. And this was in the pre-California Adventure days. And we loved it.

Since then I have gone a lot. I was a season pass holder when I lived in southern California, I worked at Disneyworld for a semester in college and we now go annually with my children and in-laws. So let's just say I know my way around the park. And let's just say I know how to eat my way around the park (because really, I could skip every ride and just walk around and eat and I would be happy.) And a lot of friends have asked me lately what to eat when they are in the Land. And if you live in Utah, you are probably planning a trip to Disneyland for UEA which is in a few weeks (spoiler alert: so is half the state, so it is going to be crowded.) and so I thought you might find this post helpful. So here is my list of the top 10 things to eat in the park.

1. Corn Dog - This is the thing I want the most when I get to Disneyland. You can buy them from a cart on Main Street, or better yet, from the Corn Dog Castle in California Adventure. (The Corn Dog Castle also sells Cheese Dogs and spicy Corn Dogs.) They are big, obscene looking, and delicious. 
2. Bengal BBQ, Adventure Land, Disneyland. I think this is one of the most overlooked places in the park. It is a little stand that sells beef and chicken kebabs and BACON-WRAPPED ASPARAGUS! It's perfect for when you don't need a full mean but just want something quick and filling.
3. Just down the way from the Bengal BBQ is the Mint Julep Bar. I don't get this treat as often, because we usually visit the park in the winter when it is a bit cool. But on a hot summer day, nothing refreshes more than a Mint Julep and a cream filled beignet. 
4. BLT Flatbread Pizza from the Village Haus in Fantasy Land. This is an actual sit down restaurant where you can go and get burgers and other things for a full meal. While your kids are eating hamburgers, eat this "Thin flat bread crust, wood smoked bacon, creamy provolone and mozzarella cheeses, caramelized onions, marinated tomatoes, topped with arugula and shaved fennel. Hold me.
5. Speaking of actual restaurants to eat at, hands down our family's favorite is Pizza Port in Tomorrow Land. It's your basic pizza and pasta and salad fair, but here are my two tips: the restaurant is set up cafeteria style, so you get all your food and then go pay. The drink stations are before the cashiers. As soon as you walk in, fill up your diet coke. Sip and enjoy while you get your kids and your food. Refill before you pay. You are a happy person. You can also get those good chocolate dipped rice-crispy treats here. 
6. Diet Coke Float at Paradise Pier Ice Cream Company on Paradise Pier in California Adventure. I think this is the only place in the park that serves soft-serve ice cream. And they'll put it in some diet coke for you. What's not to love: Diet Coke and Soft-Serve.
7. This one is going to sound weird, but you know those Turkey Leg carts you see all over the park? Don't eat those because they are stringy and disgusting and I would cook and sell them by the ton when I worked at Disneyworld and have PTSD about them. But at those same carts they sell Chimichangas. And they are delicious. And about $5 and really filling. Another great thing to eat on the go when you don't need a full meal but are still hungry. And I have it on good authority that these carts also sell Chili-Lime Corn on the Cob. I haven't tried it, but definitely will on my next trip.
8. Speaking of Carts and Stands, you can get great Caramel Corn in both parks. Really, you are saying, caramel corn? But it rules. And it just feels right to be walking around a theme park eating caramel corn. So trust me. Do it. Do it.
9. I have blogged about my love of deep fried sandwiches here before. And that love was born in Disneyland. The first (and best) Monte Cristo I've ever had comes from the Blue Bayou restaurant. It's that one that you sail past inside Pirates of the Caribbean. It's pricey, and you may not want to take your kids (go with your spouse when they are doing something else.) and you usually have to make reservations. But the food is worth it. And they Monte that Cristo like a boss.

And finally...my latest discovery of deliciousness on my last trip to the park is seen above. Inside a restaurant (that I don't really care for) called Rancho del' Zoccalo you can buy these little bags of cinnamon crisps. This is the also the only place (that I know of) in the parks where you can get Diet Coke with Lime. And somehow, the combination is heaven. I want some right now. Right now. Really, right now. 

So that's it. My faves. I could go on and on, but I want to hear from you all. Weigh in in the comments. What do you love to eat at Disneyland?