If you and I are going to be
friends, there is something you should know about me. I am, hands down, the
biggest sucker for new things. This
truthfully applies to a number of areas in my life, but today I am specifically
referring to my interest in what’s trending in the candy department.
Many are the moments I am
standing in line at the grocery store when I notice a new confection that
almost causes me to have a hernia right there in the express lane. Have you
noticed that during the holiday season (October through December) the candy-bar
industry takes a very real interest in launching variations on their already
existing delectables? Words fail me in expressing the joy that has entered my
life from the delights of Milky Way Caramel Apple, White Chocolate Candy Corn
M&Ms, and Cherry Chocolate Kisses.
And I am a helpless pawn in
the candy-bar game, because I will fall for whatever they put in front of me
that looks new. If I were standing in line at the store and I saw a new Hershey
bar called “Chocorubbernougat: milk chocolate, creamy nougat, and burnt rubber
tires” my eyes would bug out, I would snatch it up with great fervor, and I
would think to myself “Wow! Nougat AND burnt rubber?! HOW has nobody thought of
this BEFORE?! Sure, I wouldn't eat a car tire on its own, but with chocolate
and nougat, it must be delicious!” And then I would buy two of them.
What will shock you even more
is to hear that it was only a couple of years ago that I tried my first McRib.
McDonald’s McRib sandwich, while not technically new, was a “food” that I’d had in my peripheral vision since I was
a child, but had never tried. When I was young and impressionable I was
convinced it had to be the ultimate food stuff. I mean…ribs! Ribs and French
fries! C’mon!
But I grew up in southern
California, where In-N-Out reigned supreme as the reason hamburgers were even
invented, so there was never a reason to frequent McDonalds. And now, with my
own family, we also patronized our local In-N-Out.
So I decided it was time to
try the McRib. Katie’s feelings towards McDonalds became crystal clear when,
after a commercial for the McRib, I mentioned I was thinking of getting one for
lunch the next day. “What?! You might as well go to a strip club!” she said.
I assumed she was being
facetious, so went anyway. (To McDonalds, not the strip club. Though I did
notice the McLap Dances on the Dollar Menu. Oh, Las Vegas. Why?) I was almost
giddy with the anticipation of eating my very special rib sandwich, a meal 25
years in the making. I went to lunch by myself that day, as it felt like
something I should do alone. Like going to the bathroom or listening to Wham! I went through the drive-thru and
placed my order.
“Medium Fries and a McRib,
please.”
“Would you like to try an
Eggnog shake today?”
A WHAT-nog? Could this be a
new shake, available for a limited time only? Oh, sister, I pray you aren’t
toying with me. It’s like she knew about my weakness. “WOULD I!” I answered. A
McRib sandwich and an Eggnog shake! This was going to be the best lunch ever!
I found the nearest empty
parking lot and pulled over, directly. I removed the goodness from the
cardboard container and marveled at how messy it looked. I sunk my teeth into
the McStuff and…and…I was pretty much underwhelmed. I mean…it was exactly how
you would imagine it to taste. Maybe there was too much pressure for it to
really measure up. Maybe I was expecting too much from McDonalds. Or maybe…just
MAYBE... if you combined it with burnt rubber tire! Mmm…the McRubberRib. It has
to be good!
P.S. Please inform me of what
other candy-liciousness I may need to be made aware of! I don’t want to miss
anything!
